Dispairing :-(

Hi, I'm new to this, although I'm sure my story isn't a new one. I've been ttc for 16 months and 15 months ago I lost a baby at 15 weeks. Since then I've heard numerous friends announce their pregnancies and and seen bumps turn into babies. last week a good friend had a baby which I'm ashamed to say made me feel sad. I've just finished a difficult piece of work and invited a friend to lunch to celebrate today. She told me she's pregnant and I could've cried. Other people's pregnancies are taking over my life. I feel so alone. My friends know my 'story' but no one ever asks me if I'm ok. I've brought up that I'm not on a few occasions but it just gets awkward and I feel silly. No one understands. I feel so alone in this. I have a two year old from IVF (who I'm extremely lucky to have) and one frozen embryo which I'm hoping to use next month, however the thought of the FET not working is unbearable. I'm nearly 39 with unexplained infertility. Time is ticking in for me.

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  • Sorry, I meant I lost my baby 17 months ago πŸ˜”

  • Hi Littlecaz, I'm sorry to hear your story. You now have lots of freinds who have been through some difficult times.

    Keep trying if it's still your dream. I'm 39 and feel up against time always and have not been lucky enough to have a child yet.

    I've gone through my first ivf and it came back negative yesterday.

    Stories of other pregnancies are always difficult to hear but you have us to talk to and you can get some amazing advice and support from the ladies here.

    I wish you luck in your journey and for now focus on your positives and try again...

    Good luck πŸ€

  • Thanks so much for your reply Beebeestar, I came across this site by googling some pretty depressing stuff, it's so nice to reach out and have someone respond.

    I'm so sorry that your IVF result wasn't the one you wanted. It's a hard process to go through, physically and emotionally. I hope you're doing ok and have friends to talk to and a supportive partner.

    I won't ask you lots of questions as I don't want to intrude, but wish you loads of luck with your next round of IVF if that's what you decide to do.

    I feel super old at the moment and I can hear every second of my biological clock ticking away, however I keep holding onto the words of a doctor at my IVF clinic who said I'm a young compared to lots of their patients - but I wish I felt it!

    Loads of love and luck xx

  • Hi Littlecaz, thanks for your words.

    I have a review at the end of Feb. I have 3 blasts frozen, so am hoping I can start again in a couple of months.

    It's just another wait and sometimes I feel like my life is a big waiting game.

    To be honest I haven't spoken to anyone about it, my hubby and I are going through this ourselves.

    We both had a good cry yesterday and to be honest I was glad that no one else knew as I didn't feel like explaining.

    Anyway we will just have to move on, we were just not lucky enough to be successful first time and at least have some frozen.

    Best of luck on your journey and if you ever need to talk please message.

  • I'm over forty and desperate for my first child. I'm fully aware of my age and the limitations it brings but I don't feel too old to be a mother - and you shouldn't either. We all here know the heartache and the ups and downs that the fertility treatment journey brings, and are here to share it with you. You are not intruding and should fully embrace this community. Try to concentrate on preparing yourself for the next round, and thinking positive is all I can say. You're not alone xoxo

  • Hi I know exactly what you mean about other friends or colleagues getting pregnant. I've been trying for nearly 2 years. I also have a child with previous partner. She's 11 yes and it was so easy and straight forward to conceive then. Not now😣I'm 39.

    The last few years I've as a manager put three of my employees through maternity leave ,arranged their time off for them, arranged their baby presents seen their scan photos whilst trying to keep smiling as no one knows we are trying or having difficulties. Most of the time I just wanted to scream. Because this is secondary infertility I think people don't understand the need to have another child. Plus it's primary infertility for my partner

    Now fast tracked to IVF going for our ET tomorrow and hoping it's first time lucky but you never know..

    You definitely not alone.xxx

  • Oh Buffy did you go for one or two? Good grades? xoxo

  • Won't know yet .I've got ET tomorrow morning. I'll keep you all posted πŸ˜€x

  • Thanks for all your kind words, when you've been trying for a baby all this time the world becomes a lonely place.

    Good luck tomorrow Buffy21, I can remember my ET like it was yesterday. My first round of IVF was successful, we were very lucky and I hope you are too.

  • It is very hard and a rollercoaster, we are on our 6th IVF attempt and one thing that helps is to keep Hope and if we don't try we will never know. We have been in the same boat with family members and friends getting pregnant too and we just keep believing that our day will come. If friends ask how you are, you just have to make them feel comfortable if they do, tell them not to feel uncomfortable and that you would like to talk. Don't give up and maybe talking to your partner or a counsellor will help.

    Kelly xx

  • I find that some days/weeks are better than others. This week has been a bad week for me - I am 38 and just been told my fsh has started to rise, and probably caused me to miscarry in November... my first pregnancy after ttc for two years and having had a failed cycle of ivf and then a laparoscopy. But I'm reminding myself that I will probably feel better next week (day one of period won't be helping).

    And I don't want my friends not to have children, although I'm very jealous of them. Especially as I'm the only one who works with children and I'm almost the only one without any. Always know it's a bad week when I start feeling "it's not fair".

    Talking really helps. Maybe I'm lucky but I've found that it doesn't get awkward with most people, and it gets easier the more conversations you have. Especially because you start discovering that other people haven't always had an easy journey to being a parent either. Mind you, I am of the mind that I don't care if they feel awkward... if they're my friend then they get to share in my pain sometimes. I prefer to bring it up myself though, and am glad they don't specifically ask... I don't always want to talk about it!

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