Update on my journey. Had my final scan with the consultant yesterday to determine when to do egg retrieval. Still the 4 follicles but he said only 2 maybe 3 would be viable and with my partners sperm count being so low I'd only have 5% chance of getting pregnant so there was no point continuing in his opinion.He also said no point in doing another cycle as it would be the same outcome. Kept calling me old and that my eggs weren't good enough. He told me the only chance of getting pregnant would be egg donor and use my partners sperm as my womb lining is good and the chances of getting pregnant that way are 50%.
Feeling so down and defeated and now like I'm an old woman who shouldn't be doing this. I was 38 when I started trying and now I am 42. Am I too old? I definitely didn't think so at 38.
Just in shock at the moment.
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Hopefulforonce
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I will be the first to verify that Drs can be quite blunt.
In order to answer your question need to know about your previous IVF/IUI cycles? There still are many stories of success for women up to 45 but it is very individualised.
Hi, I have a son already, when I was young. No issues so I knew I could carry. My amh is low now 4.89 and obviously my age is a factor. I have regular periods which I ovulate every month. My consulting scan before starting was good.
First cycle was long protocol, I didn't respond well to that at all. One follicle and did not grow large enough. Second cycle now was short protocol and 4 follicles in my left ovary. None in my right again and they just can't find my right at all.
My partners sperm count is 0.3 so can't conceive naturally.
I'm sorry your doctor has made you feel this way, they sound pretty insensitive. I started IVF when I was 30 and my husband was 42 (due to his poor sperm count). We finally had our baby when I was 33 and he was 45. Nobody ever mentioned his age, although he started in his early 40s. And he's a lot more active and healthier than most 30 year olds I know. So I've never thought of him as 'old'.
What I don't understand is why they would suggest egg donor and not a sperm donor? I don't have any fertility issues and have a high ovarian reserve (19 mature eggs collected during my last cycle) and even then it took us 3 years using my husband's sperm. Sounds a little sexist that their focus is on you if your husband has a low sperm count. X
Hi thanks for your reply,Yes you're right no mention of my partners age and he is also 40 so not a spring chicken. Probably if I was your age there would be no mention of age at all even with his low sperm count. The focus was entirely on me and my age and my eggs. I have taken all the vitamins and supplements to try and make sure my egg quality was good. At this stage my eggs haven't even been tested to see if the quality is good it just seems to be presumed they are bad given my age.
I am not opposed to using a donor egg I suppose but I had never even thought about it as like I said I am still regular and ovulating. Them saying my womb is very good for carrying I'm not sure how to feel about that either. My son will be 19 soon and I always wanted a sibling for him. I brought him up on my own with no Dad involved so I wanted to do it with having a partner and have that different feeling of not doing it alone.
My partner has no biological children of his own, he has a boy he considers his son as he brought him up. He is 16 and we have him every second week and more over holidays.
I don't know how to feel, I'm very upset and obviously hormonal with all the medication I am on. It's such a rollercoaster of disappointment.
I am sorry you’re being treated this way. I genuinely think from what you’ve said before now that the clinic are doing no favours to you with their protocols (long protocol with lower AMH, starting antagonist way too soon in a short protocol). I would get a second opinion before you move away from using OE. Sending hugs xx
Thank you, I definitely think the protocols they have used didn't suit me. But he said I was on the highest dose they could give so there was no point doing anymore. When not doing any IVF my scans have shown more follicles and that I am ovulating every month so I really don't understand the outcome.
I will try a different clinic and see what they say. Would you have any recommendations.
Thank you for your help, it's good to hear advice from someone else who has gone through it. Xx
I have to second this. Your AMH is better than mine and I’m 39 - these are the types of doctors that are not willing to dig any deeper, change things or find root causes! The focus, as people say should be on the sperm, not you. He should be encouraging you to focus on quality. Have a look at the book, it all starts with the egg (you may have anyway)
In my opinion, a Doctor should never be able to speak to you in such a way! So sorry you’ve had this. I’d have to change clinics. You’re not too old, the doctor is too lazy! Best of luck with everything moving forward.
hi, such a tough journey, hope u are ok. My advice is firstly if your husband hasn’t had a dna fragmentation test done, do this first, then find a new clinic \ doctor if possible, while the chances are lower the older we get, you still have a chance at 42. Don’t let him or anyone tell you DE is your only way until you have tried all avenues / protocols or financially can’t do anymore with your OE first. They are always so quick to blame the eggs which is so frustrating, I was in your shoes too at just 36 after one failed cycle and told to go to donor. I am 42 and 32 weeks with OE. It can happen 🙏🏼🙏🏼
Hi,Yes in fairness as soon as the clinic found that my partners sperm count was so low he initially had a testosterone level and hormone blood test done and when that all came back normal had the DNA fragmentation test. All came back as nothing wrong so unknown reason why the sperm count is so low at 0.3.
So to be honest because I have had a natural pregnancy before and I have regular periods and ovulate every month I was kind of blaming the infertility on my partners sperm. Even though before IVF and starting all the tests I was blaming myself and my age!
Congratulations on your pregnancy. It is stories like yours that give hope xx
yeah you will have a higher chance with donor eggs they aren’t wrong there BUT that doesn’t mean no point in trying with your own especially if you have a couple of viable eggs ready for collection? Funny how he isn’t recommending donor sperm if that’s also an issue!! Sounds very much like he is not the consultant you need. Ps I’m 42 and 38 weeks pregnant with own eggs. I had to do 5 cycles to find the right embryo as it does take a while at our age but the last cycle I only had 4 eggs fertilise and 2 made it to blast with one being this pregnancy so it absolutely can happen it can just take a bit longer than perhaps with donor eggs xx
Congratulations. I am definitely going to try another clinic and see what they say. This cycle has been cancelled as I felt like maybe the clinic already had me down as a failed cycle so was unsure how they were going to treat me moving forward. They were so adamant that there was no point continuing and that either I use DE or just give up.
Hearing other people's success stories really gives you hope when you are so down so thank you for that. Wishing you a safe birth xx
hi, i am so sorry you are in this situation and that your Dr had told you in such a harsh way. I was 37 when i first got pregnant and miscarried, i then had 2 further miscarriages so at 38 with an AMH of 3.7ish we moved to IVF. Like you they struggled yo find one ovary, i ovulate each month and on scans outside of ivf there have been 9-11 follicles, so i have found it very confusing to get less during ivf. We have never made a blastocyst with ivf. Something we just don't understand. I don’t think out climic are the best or the worst but they rushed us down the donor egg path. Last week we sought advice from a very reputable clinic and he told us his advice would be three back to back rounds of ivf but there was still low chance of success and that DE was a much better option, in terms if success, finance and mental health. It is hard to hear because we read success stories (maybe miracle stories) and we really want that to be us don’t we.
I would seek a second opinion from a top clinic, even if its not near where you live, just do the condultation purely to get that opinion and see if its the same advice. And then you could ask them about your husband too. The industry is sexist ahd men get over looked but we have spoken to an amazing male specialist who it may be worth speaking too
Hi,Yes it's crazy isn't it how we are better before IVF and all ovaries can be seen and actually have more follicles! It's like our bodies reject and respond badly to the drugs. It's good to hear someone else this has happened to as it's very confusing because what we are told is our baseline isn't great but the drugs will make it better and the opposite has happened.
Begs the question can a more natural approach be done for the likes of us but maybe technology hasn't got that far. I don't know.
I'm definitely going to get a second opinion and then make a decision.
Could you pass on any recommendations that you have?
I really hope you have success and get your miracle soon xx
He is very brutal and frankly quite unprofessional but it is true that in terms of egg lifespan, 42 is very advanced, this is simply the truth. Not only the number but most importantly the quality of our eggs at our age is respectively extremely low and mediocre. That being said, nothing is impossible - you need just one - and there are many options.
Many ladies use donor eggs. In the clinic I used for my European transfers, they explained to me that they did not take any donor aged over 26, that tells you wonders about how age is related to quality. I did not use donor eggs myself because I made my embryos at 35 but I was seeing many young ladies in the clinic and asked about it
Even though he is right with respect to the substance, he should have explained it to you gently, and in an appropriate manner. When I frôle my embryos, I remember my doctor answered my question about having children naturally and he told me very clearly that I could potentially have a chance now at 35, but that it would be virtually impossible after 38/39 due to potential quality issues.
These people feel empowered to be the carrier of hurtful truth. I would not give him another penny and change clinics. The way a message is conveyed makes all the difference.
Thank you. I am considering trying a foreign clinic as I see so many people find them better. My clinic said they get their eggs from Cyprus and also they have a link with a clinic in Spain. I am aware 42 is old to have children but unfortunately I did not meet my partner until later in life, I was 38 when we were in a place where we felt like the relationship was a good one and we could commit to having children. And as I was regular with my period, bang on time every month and my partner had been given wrong information regarding his sperm count we tried naturally for too long. Then having to wait lengthy times for blood results and closures of the clinic for holidays, here I am at 42 and still trying.
It is confusing with all the clinics out there where to go for best results and patient care.
If I can give you an advice, you must have a feeling that you are in the right place. Mental state is key in this process, you must feel comfortable and considered. I know 2 excellent clinics - one in Greece and one in Spain - by personal experience that I can advise. Do not hesitate to PM me.
Hello 🤗 it is a very tough journey and my experience has been very similar the doctors are blaming the eggs my husband always had low morphology and they don't even mention it as a factor. We started when I was 42 and our daughter was 12 I am now 45 and have done 4 OE IVF with the last one the clinic was saying it has less than 4% but I needed that to have closure with OE . All cycles I had 12-14 eggs and 2-3 good quality blastocysts. The biggest attrition happened at day 3-5 . There's an opinion that's to do with the sperm but again clinic is putting it down to my age. Fast forward we went with DE eggs and had no blastocysts. The clinic is blaming the egg bank and they are giving us another cycle free but again no one is mention the sperm. Unfortunately, it is for most cases the age of the egg and I think I was unlucky with the DE but my point is that the clinic should look at the individual couple and not just the statistics. I am seeking advice from a different clinics before going again on another cycle. And yes most people will think/ say I am now even older but right now I am definitely fitter, healthier and ready. Please make sure you look after yourselves seek advice. Maybe find a clinic that specializes in ladies above 40 . I heard that milder protocol might work better at those ages. I havent explore that and I made a decision to move to DE since I am now 45. Make sure you take care and insist to be treated as a couple and not a statistic. I was in your position and felt like you questioned the whole idea . I had one of those consultants that argued with me that I wouldn't get that many eggs in the second round just before I was going in for egg retrieval. I did but that is beside the point. Anyway the point is you are not too old if you want to continue. Plenty of success stories naturally and IVF . Happy to chat with DM if you want. Best of luck in anything you choose to do.
Hi, yes that is my other worry that if I do go down the DE route will my partners sperm actually turn it into an egg that I can implant or will it be another waste of time. Even with the low sperm count the focus has always been entirely on me.
I like you feel like I have more to offer a child at my age now than I did when I was young and had my son. Not that I didn't do my best but I was only learning about the world myself so didn't have the knowledge that I have now.
I would honestly find another clinic. I’m in Athens and one of my friends is in a similar position to you.
She’s 33 but has a really low AMH.. she gets 2/3 eggs max. Her husband is of similar age.. has low sperm count. They had to do TESE to try and get better sperm.
For her next cycle they’ve changed her protocol and she will do a long protocol to try and stimulate her ovaries in a more gentle manner. They’ll do PICSI next time as this has better results with male factor x
Your doctor sounds like he’s got zero bed side manner x Good luck
Thank you.I did long protocol first and really didn't react well to that. Only one follicle in one ovary and it never got big enough for egg retrieval. This was my second cycle and we did short protocol.
Consultant wasn't happy with the results and said I'm not going to make it to a transfer.
I am going to try get a second opinion.
Maybe I'll be told the same thing but at least it will rule out possibilities in my mind.
It was icsi we were doing but didn't even get to egg retrieval so no idea if sperm will fertilize or not.
Nurse wasn't much nicer so definitely a different clinic x
I’m sorry to hear of your experience. Have they not progressed to egg retrieval?
The chances are much lower at 42 and with low sperm count too, but a good consultant should talk you through it all in a much more informed and supportive manner ✨
Has your partner had any other tests other than only sperm count? xx
Hi,No we didn't go ahead with egg retrieval as the consultant was so negative about the outcome. So 2 cancelled cycles now is all we have.
It's only the second time since starting with the clinic that we've actually met a consultant. First time was initial consultation and scan and it was a different consultant to this time and he did say 4 or 5 follicles would be a good result but obviously this consultant didn't feel the same.
So yes once my partners very low sperm count came to light they insisted on doing tests to make sure there was no underlying issues or abnormalities. He had hormone test first once that came back normal he had the chromosome DNA fragmentation test and that also came back normal.
DM me, I’ll share my experience which might help. I’m currently with a clinic in Spain and they have been great. Also my husband significantly improved his sperm count with some lifestyle changes x
I’m sorry your consultant sounds so eager to throw in the towel too early with your own eggs. I did my first round of IVF at aged 40 and got no blastocysts - the clinic put it down to my age and poor egg quality. I did another round at nearly 43 with a clinic in Athens who worked on both egg and my husband’s sperm quality and we got 4 great quality blastocysts and are now pregnant with twins. The first IVF attempt they definitely gave me too higher dose of stims, not that they would admit it so we changed clinics. Please feel free to DM me if you want to. Wishing you the very best of luck.
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Fertilised eggs
Ivf consultation
being sperm donor for 2 women in the clinic abroad
