Insensitive pregnancy announcement

Yet another pregnancy announcement yesterday and even knowing my difficulties in detail she insisted on out of the blue Skype all together, telling me the ‘it was a surprise’ line, moaning that she doesn’t really want a ‘january’ baby and moaning about morning sickness. 🤯🤬😭

I find everyone seems to need to tell me how easy it was for them ‘we weren’t really TRYING, we’d just come off contraception in March to see what happened’ it was an ‘accident’, we were ‘surprised’... also they moan about it (seriously!?) and seem to insist on a big ‘announcement’ without thinking how hard it is for people like us to hold it together in those calls.

Meanwhile 3 years in to ‘seeing what happens/trying/whatever you call it’ I’m injecting, popping tablets, pissing on sticks and mid-FET. Even my husband was upset about this one and he’s so resilient.

Rant over. All of this is just so hard sometimes. 😔

[Redpixie]

I can feel you on this one. 5 years in and the latest announcement is for a couple who didn’t even know each other when we started trying. I’ve just left a WhatsApp group chat coz she keeps going on about her pregnancy. To be fair, she doesn’t know about our problems but I do not want to hear it. I’ve lost friends by distancing myself but I figure my close friends know what I’m going through and are sensitive (two of them having had two kids in the time we’ve been trying).

[Hidden in reply to Redpixie]

Yes that sucks when it means you feel you need to extract yourself from friendships/situations/people. I’m taking a vow if I get pregnant not one moan will pass my lips and I’ll be super-sensitive to those for whom it might be a difficult issue.

[Redpixie in reply to Hidden]

Me too. People are so caught up in themselves. One thing about this horrendous journey, it certainly makes us count our blessings.

[Dogpark]

Hi Hidden , I understand. Not exactly the same situation, but I've lost quite a few friends after I told them I was going through IVF, they didn't seem to want to bother with me anymore for some reason. That's tough.

[Rella22]

Catwoman, I feel exactly the same way. One of my friends recently announced she was upset when she found out they were pregnant because it got in the way of her work. Another very close friend of mine found out she was pregnant 4 months after giving birth and contemplating getting an abortion. When she had a miscarriage she said she was glad so she didn’t have to make that ultimate decision to do it.

It broke my heart as we continued to struggle trying everything. I was gonna say “give me that baby!”

I’ve since distanced myself. I know they are not deliberately doing it and unknowingly stabbing our souls with such announcements. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’ve learned to just say “I’m glad it’s been easy for you. Some people it takes effort.”

Best wishes on your journey and may your turn come soon! ❤️

[Nuszkahope]

Hello,

So sorry you had to go through this, I had similar situations ( many, many baby announcements over the last 5 years) and had to deal with stupid comments along the way ... one friend was asking how my IVF is going and when I said that I have finally found a problem she said that she was relieved as she has never heard of anyone having so many rounds of IVF ( she has 2 kids naturally and never dealt with infertility) even though I was just gearing up for round two ... when she found out I had high NK cells she said I should have a blood transfusion etc 😂

Unfortunately the world if full of insensitive, ignorant as**les and we just have to bite the lip and move on ...

Best of luck with your journey xx

[aamiller405]

Aw why are people so inconsiderate! It doesn't get any easier does it, especially when people do it so insensitivity.. I hope you can make your own announcement soon xox

[Vegemite]

I feel your pain, and in the same boat of 5 years trying and IVF stresses and negativity.

However it’s not their fault, and we would want friends and families to be happy for us.

What if we finally got pregnant and everyone turned around to us, and said they didn’t care as we didn’t when they were. We would be crushed. Absolutely crushed. It’s not about them being inconsiderate, it’s about them being happy, which is their right.

So I ask myself everyday, to be genuinely happy for other people. It takes strength and swallowing pain... but don’t lock friends and family out,as this journey can get lonely.

[Hidden in reply to Vegemite]

I didn’t say I wasn’t happy for them - I’m going to be an aunt again - of course I’m delighted for them (as I am for each of my friends). I’m lamenting the lack of sensitivity, the nature of the announcement, the moaning about things that just don’t matter.

[Debrakay1704]

xxxx

[Bunnywoo]

Ugh I'm sorry you had to deal with an insensitive announcement, they're so hard to take. I too am really struggling with this at the moment (and have been for a couple of years since my miscarriages and we're now facing DE IVF). I have also distanced myself from friends. One of whom I comforted through her time TTC, because she was soooooooo devastated she wasn't getting pregnant. She knew we were TTC for a long time so I was able to relate to her feelings. It took her a total of 3 months to get pregnant naturally. She then moaned the whole way through her pregnancy about the symptoms and how fat she looked. She looked amazing. It eventually got too much to me when she fell pregnant with her 2nd when her first was only 9 months old (whilst I was miscarrying), and she was complaining again. I chose to distance myself. It was hard to not be a close friend to her, but I had to do some self preservation. My facebook/instagram feed is so small now because I've unfollowed so many people!

I've found even the most sensitive of pregnancy announcements get to me. And realised the majority of people have absolutely no idea about the feelings associated with infertility and/or baby loss. I genuinely don't think people mean to be insensitive. Remembering that when I see another twee facebook announcement or get a scan picture sent to my whatsapp has helped me to deal with those feelings, a little bit.

I've made a pact with a dear friend who has had miscarriages and is about to embark on IVF too that we will just message each other moment we get any BFPs. No scan pictures, no photos of positive pregnancy tests. Just a simple message. I know we will both be happy for each other, but it gives us time to process the news.

[MamaVe]

Hugs for you!! I can understand how you must have been feeling.... I'm so used to it by now I tend to mull it over and ignore it. It's actually funny to see how people can be so insensitive really. Maybe their own happiness overshadow their consideration for others who happen to be presently less fortunate with the blessings of the Amphrodite. I fail to understand though are they so retarted to presume that it will hurt us or simply do it intentionally to make us feel bad. I don't really have much to tell you in order to handle the situation... you need friends out their in the real world whether they empathise with your infertility or not. Best to get to here and vent out or talk to us for help and support ..... and somewhat bear with the insesible announcement when they happening. How to do it I don't know everyone have their own way of pushing things back to their abyss of their mind. For me I figured telling myself in mind that don't worry your time will come and things that sounds optimisitic kind of helps me to block my mind to the insensitiveness around. Hope this help cheer you up!

[Lots8788]

Sorry to hear that! Some people have no idea and no clue! big hugs cc