Video call pregnancy announcements

[Kat_15]

Hi lovely ladies. I hope you’re all doing okay.

I haven’t on here for a while since our failed cycle last month but wanted to reach out tonight for some support with people that understand.

I joined my team Christmas video call do tonight looking forward to a few drinks with work mates and a few laughs. I joined a bit late so one of my colleagues was about to leave as I joined but said she wanted to share something on the screen before she left. She then showed a picture of a bauble saying ‘Bump’s first Christmas’. I had my camera switched on so plastered a big smile on my face and said congrats with everyone else.

Then two of my work friends text me saying ‘sendings hugs’ and ‘Thinking of you’ which was so thoughtful but before I knew it the tears came and I had to turn my camera off. I went from feeling good - I had blow dried my hair, put a nice top on and was looking forward to some fun to feeling really sad. To add insult to injury her due date is May which is when I would have been due if our recent IVF cycle had worked.

I had a cry and then decided to try and enjoy the rest of the call a much as I could which I did in the end. I’ve felt pretty good (considering I had a failed cycle about a month ago) the last couple of weeks but that just sucker-punched me tonight. I just wasn’t expecting it.

Thanks for reading this. xxx

[LifetoCherish]

Hi Kat,

I’m sorry to hear this. If it helps I’ve had it happen to me on all 3 transfers where 2 friends and sister in law on each transfer announced pregnancies, so I’m sat here watching 3 pregnancies to the week each time I’d be due/pregnant if I’d been successful.

It’s really tough and I’m feeling extremely jealous and angry, which I hate as I normally am so happy for people when good things happen as life can be tough in general.

The last one was Tuesday this week, I got my BFN and half hour later my best friend since we were 14 announced her pregnancy with someone she’s only been with six months. Happy for her but also very envious of how easy for her it is to get pregnant. I’d be two weeks behind her if this had succeeded. Needless to say I cried for two days straight and ate everything bad for me! Needed it!

Sending lots of love and understanding of where you are at. 💕 xx

[XOXO13]

Hey Kat,

I’m sorry to hear this too.. I find then when I hear of a new pregnancy from someone I know, one of my immediate reactions is sadness for myself and my husband that it isn’t us.

In the early days following my miscarriage, my bestfriend announced her pregnancy with twins after a month of trying and it really hit me hard. I cried for two days straight unable to move from bed.

Those complicated feelings I had towards other pregnant women I knew were starting to eat me up inside. I was speaking to a therapist at the time (I really struggled after my miscarriage) and she helped me understand that it’s okay to have those feelings. We are hurting for ourselves because we want the healthy and successful pregnancy ourselves.

After my first failed IVF cycle also last month, those feelings crept back in and got louder for me. I don’t know where it comes from some days - but there are days I just cry or feel very hopeless. The same friend who announced her pregnancy after my miscarriage just had her babies and I cried again. I wasn’t expecting it to hurt me all over again yet it did.

I’ve come to expect that I’ll feel like that with any new announcement or baby because I want it to be me so badly. And when you want something so badly it can be upsetting that others have it and you’re struggling to have it.

So be kind to yourself. It’s okay to walk away and have a cry if you need to, it’s a way of protecting yourself.

Sending big hugs (and sorry for the long post) xx

[Purpledoggy]

Ah sorry lovely, that must have been horrid. Well done for putting the brave face on like a trooper and making the most of what was otherwise probably a fun get together. Sometimes it feels like a trigger is around every corner waiting to surprise us at the worst time. Sending you lots of hugs xx

[Jen85]

Ahh I really do feel your pain, especially as you were so looking forward to some mini escapism.

Its totally normal to feel that way. I remember after my second miscarriage seeing a heavily pregnant woman outside our local shop, smoking heavily and shouting at her 2 year old. I remember thinking that she doesn't appreciate what she has, or she wouldn't be smoking. I've been looking after myself and can't have what she has. After a while I felt bad for judging but I guess its just an instinctive reaction.

Everyone's journey is different, and it will be even more special when it does happen for you 🙂

[Hidden]

Aw lovely. Sending hugs. Pregnancy everywhere these days as everyone seems so be doing just that during this pandemic. Keep your head high and its going to be us one day! Xx

[Linda84Co]

I’m so sorry dear, believe my I had tears reading your post... it’s really difficult to hear others have babies easily and we have to go through so much... give yourself some time, what you feel it’s normal... you will try again ❤️

[Green-elephants]

It's so tough!! I had a positive with my last frozen embryo transfer but had an early miscarriage. I have a cousin who had announced their pregnancy while I had the miscarriage so photos galore on Facebook etc. I try to keep positive ♡ baby dust for you next round when your ready xxx

[Core]

So sorry to hear this, it can be so so hard hearing these announcements but you are not alone, hopefully someday soon it’ll be your turn to make an announcement xx

[leah30]

Hi Kat Sending lots of love ,

feelings around this can leave us feeling really shit , and have envy and hurt and anger it’s absolutely normal . No one really understands unless they’ve gone through not being able to fall pregnant. X

[Zucci]

Sending you big hugs Kat 🧡🧡

[Glenda123]

I’m so sorry to hear this. I completely get that initial feeling of jealously, followed by guilt for not being happy for them immediately! I too get angry when I see or hear people who get pregnant so easily or don’t appreciate it when they are.

However, one of the best pieces of advice I was given by a friend who has had success with IVF and understands our struggles... she told me to think- “I don’t want their baby, I want my baby”. I can’t tell you how much it helps. I use it as a mantra whenever someone announces their pregnancy because I don’t want their baby, I want my baby with my partner. I wouldn’t be going through this HELL!! If I didn’t want our own baby. This doesn’t stop the jealously and sadness but it helps.