I've seen so many of these type of posts on this forum so I know I'm not alone, but just needed to express how I'm feeling today in a place where I know I'll be understood.
I'm on a little break having more tests after three negative transfers and one chemical over the last 6 months from our first icsi round.
It's taken me a few weeks to surface from quite a dark place. I finally plucked up the courage to see friends today and yep, you guessed it, another pregnancy announcement. Before I'd even sat down, the announcement that my friend is expecting her second boy was made. It absolutely flawed me and I found myself struggling to make conversation or interact with my friends' children who were also there. Most of the friends in the group know I'm going through treatment but I don't think knowing necessarily equals understanding.
I hate the feelings of envy and wish I could feel more contented and happy for them.
I also thought I would be tough enough to deal with this now after my younger brother's first child was born in May, but it seems not.
Sorry for a long rambling post, just a bit fed up of being knocked back and seeing others achieve their families with ease xxx
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Minniemouse88
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I'm so sorry to hear of your experience and the feelings your friend's pregnancy brings up for you.
I do know how you feel. In the space of 18months of trying and 8 months of IVF on and of two of my friends have given birth after only two months of trying and another friend announced their pregnancy last week.
Of course I am happy for them but when you hear how seamless and easy the process was for them. It does really shine a light on the difficulties we are facing. Why can't it be like that for us? One of the friends wasn't even keen on getting pregnant but her partner talked her round. This adds more feelings of irritation so I totally get it.
I know how exciting it probably was to announce the news but I think they can be more sensitive about how that news is broken especially as they know you are having such a difficult time. A 1-2-1 phone conversation or acknowledgement that they know this need may bring up mixed emotions for you. It's hard as on the other hand it feels like they really can't grasp how damn hard and emotional this journey can be. Perhaps you could talk to them about this?
My heart goes out to you. Be kind to yourselves. Sending you hugs.
Thank you and sorry you're having a tough time too. I do find it hard to open up about everything we've been through and sometimes it just feels too much to explain but yes, I always would prefer a 1:1 chat privately rather than try and hold everything together in a group situation. Sending love and hugs back x
Ugh I’m so sorry you’ve had such a tough time. I find one pregnancy announcement painful let alone the amount you have been through!
Not much consolation but you’re totally not alone. I feel so much jealousy and bitterness of people who seemingly so easily have babies. It’s easier to avoid seeing then at times as I come back feeling worse. My husband tried to remind me that they will have other troubles in life and of course there’s isn’t perfect, but it’s still tough seeing what you do want in front of you all the time.
Sending hugs and hope that your day will come soon. This feels so overwhelming right now but it won’t always be x
Thank you for your kind words. I always try and tell myself that when we do have a family, however that comes about, I'm sure we will value it all the more because of the struggle we've been through. Your husband is right - smiley faces can hide a lot of other troubles. Xx
Sending you lots of love. ❤️ I know it’s so difficult hearing pregnancy announcements. You want to be happy for your friends/family but it’s also so hard not to feel frustrated with your own situation. Allow yourself to feel how you feel and don’t be too hard on yourself. I have found journaling really helpful to get my thoughts and feelings out there when I can’t speak to my friends/family about what I’m going through because they don’t get it! But just know that you aren’t alone and there is always someone here to respond to the ‘rambling’ post because we get it too and there’s nothing to be ashamed of when you are feeling the way you are feeling. ❤️
Thank you, it really does help knowing there are people out there who get it. I'm journaling too although have already filled a thick notepad so goodness knows how many entries I have made. Thank you again x
I too feel like everyone around me just gets pregnant. I have watched people pop out two babies in the time I have been struggling with this. I haven’t done any ivf just yet, I am about to start. I can’t imagine how hard it might be if I have repeat failures so I am aware that you probably feel a lot worse than I do at this stage, I just wanted to send love. Xxx
Hi there! Sorry for all your troubles! I've been there with 4 failed transfers, a chemical, falling amh, turning 42. Its never ending saga.
I'm right there with you in ypur feelings. Found out today my husbands 38 year old sister is pregnant with her third. It hurts.
I'm happy for them of course but I really thought the next baby in the family would be us. Now I have to put on a brave face with scan pics and holding a newborn. I just can't deal with it. I can't even avoid it as its family but I will protect myself as much as I can .
Its just made me so hyper aware of how unlucky my husband and I actually are. Like no one else has to think about the things we have to, the worries we have, for me, losing my own genetics possibly too. It's just easy for other people. They don't know how blessed they are, they truly haven't a clue.
Anyhow, it hurts now but hopefully in time I and you will soften to it and it won't sting as much.
Hi, totally understand where you are coming from. It’s like a kick in the guts followed by extreme jealousy and then guilt for feeling that way. I didn’t cope at all well with my younger sister falling pregnant. I only have one friend who I think really understands. If you’ve not been there it’s very hard to I think. 😔
I totally understand having been there many times 😢 what I have learned over the years (and truly worked really hard on) is to accept that you can be happy and sad at the same time. Happy for your friends/family but totally sad for yourself. Just sit with the feelings, as they usually pass once the initial shock/hurt of the announcement has worn off.
I also remind myself that their situation does not impact or change mine in the slightest. They can have 5 kids each and I’m still going to focus on my goal. It’s much easier to let go of the upset that way when I focus on our goal 🥰
Life is cruel at times and I wish things could have been easier for us, but keep going, keep smiling and keep believing - you’ve got this 💪 xx
sorry to hear this but I totally understand. I would say i'm lucky enough to not have a big group of friends but still find it hard being around it. Same here..people know were are going through this but don't think or just don't understand how it feels (don't think anyone can who hasn't gone through it).
We have had 3 failed rounds so far. Now preparing for another and i'm so nervous about it.
I fee like avoiding days out and being around kids but it's so hard unless you do confined yourself to your house.
sorry to be a dampener but it truly is hard to be happy when you don't feel it on the inside.
Oh Minniemouse88 I just want to say that I'm sorry you've been in such a dark place and then to be confronted with this on your first venture back out. The announcement does sound like it was insensitive towards you, although I know that it's hard for people who've never been through this to even begin to understand. I've had similar experiences with very ill-timed pregnancy announcements and have felt the complexity of feeling sad, angry and jealous about the happiness of people I love and who I also want the very best for. I don't know if it will help you, but it helps me have a kind of mantra to remind myself that the experiences are not connected. My friends' pregnancies and children don't reduce or improve the chances of this happening for me too. Thank goodness for this forum where there are people who genuinely understand the frustrations, pain and grief that comes with fertility treatments xx
It’s so tough isn’t it! My neighbour sent me a scan of her 2nd pregnancy which was a lot and another friend blurted out during a friend’s picnic, I find some people who haven’t had a struggle lack sensitivity.
I guess as I’ve not been so detailed this time (told more people at the beginning / first round) but thought better of it the more rounds we did. Be kind to yourself and take yourself out of the situation if it helps you. X
I completely understand you. It breaks my heart that some people who don’t even deserve to be parents, who abuse their children or neglect them, have no trouble conceiving.. and then there’s us, people with so much love to give. Struggling. Wishing you the very best of luck in your journey.
It's just sod's law isn't it that as soon as you build yourself back up to get back out there (which by the way is not easy with constant knock backs), another pregnancy announcement just comes along and punches you in the face. I've been there myself at some of the worst times in my journey and it just feels impossible to handle sometimes.
You mentioned you also thought you would be tough enough to deal with this now following your brother and I just wanted to say that going through this does make us strong and maybe more resilient because we've had to be. However being resilient and strong does not mean that we don't feel sadness or that we should be unaffected by this news. Please don't give yourself a hard time whatever you do as you're doing the best you can in very difficult circumstances xx
Resilience is the word! From the Latin word resilire - meaning to bounce / jump back. We are all this and should be proud of ourselves for bouncing back each time we have a knock back. Definitely found a new strength through this. 💪🏼
Thank you all for your lovely and comforting words. I feel so grateful for the supportive community on this forum. There are too many comments to respond to individually but I just wanted to say sorry to all of you who are dealing with similar feelings and situations. I'm really hoping you all find the joy you deserve and thank you again for propping me up.There are some really inspiring comments on here so I hope others find it helpful too.
Hi I am fertility awareness teacher for 40 yrs & midwife 50 yrs .I advise have vit D , zinc, folate ,iron ,active or holo vitamin b12 levels checked .These deficient can cause infertility in female & male.I have had success with infertile clients by increasing vit B12 level to 600 alone .I will also say a male sperm count of 20 million raises to 100 million when vit b12 is supplemented.Good luck with this info.
Really sorry you are struggling - I think we have all struggled with this at various points. I've hated the emotions that come with pregnancy announcements, I'm not used to experiencing such strong feelings of jealousy, pain, anxiety all rolled into one and it's hard to process. I think it's important to accept them and take a step back at times if needed - honesty is a good policy. I must say I've found it easier as time has gone on to separate myself from these things and see it as other people's journeys and not mine. But I still dread the next pregnancy announcement. It's so tough, no easy answers but please know you are not alone xxx
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