Another day another pregnancy announcement...

[Bex2]

Feel like this is all I see on social media these days, announcement after announcement. Accidental pregnancies too where they've not even been trying and here I am waiting to get access to the donor egg bank. Not my chosen route obviously but the hand I've been dealt. Feel terrible that seeing these announcements really doesn't make me feel happy for them ... I am happy for them but you do feel like why is it never my turn. Sorry for the negative post just feels like it will never happen for us .

[JA-fnuk Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Thinking of you - sending lots of good luck wishes for the future and a big hug Make sure you have plenty of support at the moment - keep talking to your other half Take care

Janet

[Bex2 in reply to JA-fnuk]

Thank you xx

[Skittles11]

It is tough as hell when we're trying to achieve something that others appear to get so easily. It's an additional kick in the teeth and can be such a painful reminder of what we don't have. Feeling this way is perfectly normal though, honestly I think most people struggling with fertility would feel very similarly to you and me where it is hard to even feel happy for them as much as we want to xx

[Bex2 in reply to Skittles11]

Thanks you , just feel like I'm a bad person sometimes for feeling this way. I am happy for them of course but does make me feel sad it happens so easily for some and not others xx

[Hidden]

Hi Bex2, it’s such a tough journey. Social media can be helpful and a nightmare all at once. These announcements are an emotional minefield & it’s just so hard to deal with. I think probably everyone here has also felt the way you do at some point so we get it. Sending a hug your way.x

[Hoping20]

Hi Bex2, please don’t feel bad. The majority of us on this forum understand and feel the same. It’s an odd one as a pregnancy / baby is such a blessing but because we have been through endless hurt and pain it’s just very hard to be happy for others. And having mixed emotions is completely natural. Be extra kind to yourself...I really hope all does work out for you. Take care x

[Daffodils140]

Don’t feel bad, it’s completely understandable. I feel so jealous of pregnant people! Someone in my extended family is expecting her third and “wasn’t even trying” - wooooo.

[Jenniwenni in reply to Daffodils140]

Oh that’s infuriating 🤣😡

[Daffodils140 in reply to Jenniwenni]

I fully acknowledge that I am jealous. I just wish myself and everyone else who wants a baby could have such a lovely, straightforward journey. I am happy for them but sad for me. I think those two feelings can exist alongside each other. Xx

[Jenniwenni in reply to Daffodils140]

Yes definitely. And it is so infuriating when it’s so easier for some. I think it’s hard for our brains to compute, when it’s so hard for us. I always get infuriated when people say ‘we’re going to have our babies in these months for whatever reasons’ and then it all works out! 🤣 It blows my mind and I think just reiterates how hard it is for us…it is a very brutal reminder how bad our situations are. It’s very hard. 😘😘😘

[Jenniwenni]

Oh pregnancy announcements are the WORST! They case me physical pain which lasts days. Horrendous.

Lots of love to you. 😘 We get you and are with you. 😘

I always feel like a bad person too. It’s so weird to feel horrible about something that is actually great. My therapist has just always said to be kind to myself, it totally makes sense that I feel so bad, and it’s ok to feel however we feel - allow the feelings, don’t fight them etc etc. She also got me journaling to get the anger out, which does seem to help. Allowing myself some time each day to ‘feel the horrible feelings’, rather than push them down and feel bad about them.

😘😘😘😘😘😘😘

[Mutleybob]

Hi Bex, I would just like to add that you never truly understand someone else’s journey. When me and my husband went through IVF, we never told anyone, it was successful however we still didn’t tell anyone. It was easier for us to say ‘we weren’t even trying’ ‘lockdown baby just happened’ etc etc. everyone of us has a deep pain of some sorts. Nevertheless it doesn’t take away from how you are feeling which is very just and genuine, wishing you lots of luck for the future xx

[exhaustedbythesea]

Totally normal and I’d say most of us here have felt exactly the same. I went off social media for over two years and eventually left my job because I was getting baby announcements in my work email, etc.

What others don’t understand is that even though we may be happy for our loved ones, their good news is just a reminder of our pain and grief, and it can feel so isolating. I stopped hanging out with groups of women because inevitably the topic would turn to babies, parenting, etc. I didn’t want to get upset in front of them and make them feel awkward, so just isolated myself even more.

I’m not suggesting you follow my approach at all, but just want to remind you that whatever you need to do is totally ok! You aren’t a bad person at all. Fertility struggles, IVF, etc is so hard and we have to be kind and forgiving to ourselves to get through it.

Wishing you all the best in your journey and hope your happy ending is coming soon! ♥️

[ourbundleofjoy]

Hi Bex2,

Pregnancy announcements are so painful for us, unfortunately, everyone on this forum exactly knows how you feel. I always felt happiness, jealousy, envy, and even a little bit of anger all mixed into one. I am happy for them but so sad for myself.

On this forum someone said something like – ‘I will clap for others until it’s our turn’. Ever since I saw this, I am really trying to follow this ‘mantra’. (to the person who post it - thank you). I wouldn’t say that it hurts less, but I am not as jealous as I was before. However, my heart still breaks into pieces …

Perhaps try talking to someone, I started seeing a psychotherapist, it helps me have this safe space where I am not judged. And also I have someone that explains me where all this emotions are coming from and how to navigate them.

Bex, I am sending you the biggest hug possible. The way you feel is completely normal and we understand you.

xxxx

[MrsSarahC]

I always preferred it when people privately messaged me to say they were expecting (most of our friends and colleagues knew we had been trying to conceive for years). With a private message, I would inevitably cry for days, but could send them the 'congratulations, you'll be a lovely mother' reply.

The announcements that used to crush me were the ones face-to-face. I haven't got a poker face, and my 'congratulations' never sounded particularly genuine, as hard as I tried. I would rush back to my office/home and cry my eyes out.

WHY couldn't it be us? WHY are they so lucky and we're so unlucky. It was so unfair!

One of my best friends announced at a meal that her daughter's IVF had worked and I burst into tears. I couldn't help it, and I hated that it became about me, rather than about her. I will always wish she'd messaged me privately, rather than not giving me an opportunity to prepare.

Although the announcements on social media are a kick in the guts, they're marginally better than having to deal with it face-to-face.

It'll be your time soo, I'm sure of it. Thinking of you.

[Bex2]

Thank you lovely ladies for all your messages, it's so hard for all of us going through this. You never really think of infertility when you're younger and certainly never think it will happen to you, it's so much more common than you realise. I know you never really know what people are going through behind closed doors and their journeys towards motherhood, but the announcements still hurt none the less. I hope each and every one of you has success on your journey ❤ sending lots of love to you all xxx