Giving up

[Purplewitch18]

We had our appointment with the fertillity clinc today. It was really bad news, worse than i expected and i knew it would be bad. I knew i had slow moving tubes, but not the extent of it.

Found out today that my tubes are ‘wavy’ and contrating during my dye test. Not only this but my egg reserve is half it should be for a woman my age.

She said ivf best option but to keep trying as we cant afford ivf.

I have a 4 year old, she said my tubes must have gotten worse with age. I wanted to start trying way sooner than we did, it was my other half that held back as he stupidly thought i was over reacting about the whole age thing. Im 39 now and its been 18 month, no pregnancies.

She said to take poxeed and eat healthy and basically just hope for the best. Said i could have a blood test to check amount of eggs but i dont see the point.

Came home and threw all my ov and preg tests in the bin.

Now other half said he thinks we should keep trying, well he shoulve listened to me in the first place. I said its too late now. I feel like im going to just waste all the remaining eggs and hit the menopause.

Think i have to accept its all over.

[Lynnr54]

Sorry to hear your news. Are there supplements you can take to help improve your eggs? I know some ladies on here have had great success with DHEA or CoQ10. Not sure if that’s more quality related but could be worth looking into. Could the blood test tell you the extent of the problem for you to know if it’s worth researching treatment further?

As for ivf, it could be worth looking into clinics abroad as I believe they are generally cheaper than over here. If that isn’t an option but you are able to save up then you can also get refund packages over here so if you weren’t successful then you wouldn’t have lost anything by giving it a go.

[jengi]

Awh my lovely, there is hope of course there is. Take some time to deal with this cruel news and when you are ready do your research and get a plan in place. There are so many of us on here in the same boat. The key thing is not to give up, no matter how much of a struggle it is.

You should get your AMH tested so you know your egg reserve. DHEA and co-enzyme Q10 can help with low reserve. Give up all caffeine & alcohol. If it’s really low then consider saving for IVF. My husband and I have been saving so hard, we’ve both set up extra little ventures on top of our full time jobs, we rent out our spare room, cut down to one car and totally stripped back our spending. It’s amazing what a bit of focus can achieve when you want something so badly.

The best of luck Xx

[Sisibaby]

We are on a budget too. We have been to New Life in Greece and have one beautiful 7 month old. Currently on our second icsi journey for baby number two.

You can make this work, you have options!

I highly recommend this clinic they have given us our dream, and affordably.

new life IvF in Thessaloniki Greece x

[Purplewitch18 in reply to Sisibaby]

Congratulations on your baby, how long did you have to stay over there and was it much cheaper than the uk? Xx

[Sisibaby in reply to Purplewitch18]

Hey, thanks ❤️ Yes much cheaper but also just excellent care and service. The whole thing was impeccable. I went twice, once for egg retreaval and then again for the transfer. But you can tie them together and make a little holiday out of it!

[Purplewitch18 in reply to Sisibaby]

Thankyou for the info sisibaby xx

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

I would also be feeling really angry with my other half but I don’t think you should give up, there’s still hope even if it is a slim chance. Could you afford some relationship counselling to make sure this doesn’t poison things between you and your partner or do you think you’ll be ok? X

[Purplewitch18]

Thankyou so much for all your comments, i really appreciate them because i dont feel i can talk to friends and family at the moment because they just dont get it or understand at all. None of them have been through this. The dr said she recommend i take proxeed for egg quality. We dont know the quality but said it was proven to improve it by 15%. I think thats extremely low. I take maca which she told me to stop. Started going on about how herbal stuff can have hormones in them can stop you conceiving. I said maca is for fertillity, she had never even heard of it and so i just let her say her thing. I know its helped me for years, and its a food not a herb anyway. Im scared to have the blood test, i dont want any more bad news. I guess it would tell us to go for ivf right away or wether we could try a bit longer but i cant deal with it right now. Ive seen some refund packages but you have to be 39 and under, im 39 untill june then i turn 40 so its just another setback, and i wouldnt be able to go abroad because we have a 4 year old, and im guessing we would ned to be over there a while, and would have to keep going back and forth. It feels like there is a wall in every direction. If we saved up for ivf then had one go and it didnt work and we had to keep saving im sure id have no eggs left by the time we got there lol. The egg thing was such a shock and now i feel under so much pressure. Xx

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to Purplewitch18]

Oh bless you. Just to point out you might well be eligible for the refund packages of 39 and under- I think you have to be 39 at time of taking out package not for all treatment but you could ring them and check.

[Purplewitch18 in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

Thankyou, ill do that next week. I feel lost as i have no plan at the momemt, other than just stopping, but thats because i cant mentally deal with any more bad news right now. Im just looking into suppliments to improve egg health, though i really wish there was something i could do for tube health i think that would take a huge weight off my shoulders but she said theres nothing she could do about my tubes. As ive not been having misscarriages, just 1 extremely early 1, i was only 3 days late, ive not caught at all so im thinking my tubes are more in need of improving. I started taking serrapaptase for scaring and castor oil packs both of which make me feel better ingeneral, though my tubes are open i feel it cant hurt. If they are so messes up there must be some scarring id imagine, and if im improve egg quality too maybe one of the little buggers will have the strength to swim down the tube before it dies off. This is the only hope i have right this minute xx

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to Purplewitch18]

You could try reading the book “it starts with the egg” xx

[Purplewitch18 in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

I literally just saw that on google, ill give it a go! Xx

[AJJ123]

I’m sorry to hear this, it’s still not impossible.

What are the reasons for you not going ahead with ivf?xx

[Purplewitch18 in reply to AJJ123]

We just dont have a plan to do ivf right now because we only found out yesterday and dont have savings or anything anymore, we used all that to buy our house. Plus its finding the best deals for my age and a refund package if it doesnt work. Ive never even considered ivf before, its all totally new to us but if we were able to have nhs treatment we would do it straight away. Our local clinic which is a good one, costs about £10,000 a go once you add everththing up, then theres the egg storage there just seems so much you have to find and i just dont know how people afford it when its something you have to make a decision on quickly. Still in shock to be honest, and our fertillity dr is the one who deals with everyone im this area shes very good but she always pushes ivf so ive heard x

[AJJ123 in reply to Purplewitch18]

I understand how you must be feeling, it must be a shock and I’d be exactly the same.

There are several ways you can deal with this, either accepting it is what it is - it might happen but it’s much more difficult.

Or, having a look at other clinics in the Uk that will do it cheaper.

My local clinic is around £6000 (approx £3500 for ivf then say £1500-£2000 for meds) a round including meds.

Also, if you still want cheaper than that look abroad - and I’m not trying to promote ivf but it u want to be pregnant and sooner rather than later it probably is your best option.

Xx

[Purplewitch18]

Im going to talk to my other half later about it all. He deals with everything by just carrying on as normal and is very cold about everything, so i need to get him to sit down and talk, not his strong point! Im the one who organises and sorts everything, he hasnt had to take any responsibility for any of this before so thats going to change because its too stressful for me to deal with it all on my own.

In the meantime i think i will look into the best way to promote egg quality and improve the tubal situation by carrying on with my castor oil packs etc... maybe even take some conception vitamins? Im not sure but i need to do something.

Really appreciate everyones input and support on here. Friends and family keep texting me but im just not ready to face them all, especially as they dont get it xx

[Kikiwaits]

Follow up with your gynecologist. It was seven years after my husband and I started TTC and I finally had a laparoscopy and was diagnosed with endometriosis. My first HSG four years ago showed clear tubes and the one I had last year showed a blockage. When they did surgery, my left tube had actually turned inside out and fused shut. And that’s a “mild” case of stage 1 endo. There may be things to pursue before IVF, and that will improve your chances with IVF, too.

[Purplewitch18 in reply to Kikiwaits]

Thankyou for replying. I actually do have endo, had it removed in november and she flushed my tubes at the same time. The fertillity dr is an endo specialist, she said that the endo wasnt stopping me getting pregnant as they only found a spot of it (though i was still extrememy ill from it all my adult life!), and it was just in my pouch of douglas. I personally think though it didnt help with ttc, but good news is its gone for now. Your tubes were inside out! Wow, you poor thing, what did you decide to do? Bloody tubes, cant beleive theres nothing can they do for them in this day and age with most ppl have fertillity treatment at some point x

[Kikiwaits in reply to Purplewitch18]

It was just my left tube, the right one was normal. I did IVF four years ago and got pregnant, now we’re trying to have another with frozen embryos. What on earth is your “pouch of douglas”? I don’t think American women have those! lol

[Purplewitch18 in reply to Kikiwaits]

Lol, congrats on getting pregnant. I never thought id have issues like this since ive always been pregnant naturally before. Yes, all us women have a pouch of douglas, id never heard of it either untill my lap was done. Its behind the ovaries and uterus, as its a pouch shape its common for endo to settle there x

[Kikiwaits in reply to Purplewitch18]

Haha, I googled it after this. Doctors definitely don’t call it that here! I had three babies back to back in my early 20s, so I didn’t anticipate any problems when I remarried and started trying in my 30s. It was really frustrating being “undetermined,” so I’m glad to finally have a reason for all the difficulty. Hoping for a sibling for my daughter and then closing up shop! I really hope you can conceive again. I took CoQ10 when I did IVF at 34 and the geneticist told me I had the eggs of a 20-year-old. Highly recommend trying that! Best of luck.

[Purplewitch18 in reply to Kikiwaits]

Aww thanks for that, im definately going to try it! I cant see us doing ivf but you never know. Im going to try naturally for a bit longer, and we have also talked about adoption before so it may be time to seriously think about that too. Lots to think about but feeling much more hopeful than yesterday xx

[Lyn84]

I had the same reaction from my partner when i kept saying we needed to try cos of my age and then found out my egg reserve wasn't great i also have endo am due to go for my dye test on monday and start ivf in couple if months i have been taking co enzyme q10 omega 3and 6 and which is suppose to help egg quality and am about to start bee propolis as this suppose to help endo and egg quality i have read that endo can lower your egg reserve quicker than normal unfortunately i didn't find out until last yr i had endo had i known all this sooner things might have been different

[Purplewitch18 in reply to Lyn84]

I feel the same as i was only diagnosed last november. I didnt know endo did that but it makes a lot of sense! Its soul destroying when you hear you have hardley any eggs left. Looks like now we have talked we will be going down the ivf route, then adoption if nothing works. Other half wants to try ivf first, gonna extend the mortgage to do it and take the same suppliments you are taking to keep trying naturally aswel. Its like the race is on now!

[Lyn84]

That's what we are going to try ivf first then adoption if the ivf doesn't work, im glad that women are fighting for young girl to be taught about endometriosis and that endo is being made a bigger issue of i had symtoms since i was a teenager and missed out getting diagnosed when i was 21 because the specialist thought i was wasting his time and upset me so much that i never went back.

[Purplewitch18 in reply to Lyn84]

Yep ive had the same scenario been sent home from hospital so many times, even the fertillity dr brushed it aside. Been a lifelong battle but we are getting there now. Yes i hope by the time my daughter is older the awareness and education is better for her sake. Ill have her on a gluten dairy free diet as soon as she says shes in pain! Not having her going through it.