How do I respond? 😔

[Sunshine92]

My best friend of 15 years has just told her her younger sister (23) who has been with her partner 6months and don’t even live together are pregnant with twins 😞 like its just that easy ...

I don’t know what to say back and I feel so awful. She knows about my fertility struggles and wanted to tell me before I saw on social media. I have just broken down 😭

This month has been by far the hardest on my mental health through this journey, and I know compared to some of you wonderful ladies i’m only at the beginning. If i hear off one more person ‘stress doesn’t help’ im gonna scream. Its just so rubbish 😔

Sorry for the moan, you are the only people who can possibly understand this feeling of utter devastation, jealousy and heartbreak all in one xx

[Tugsgirl]

It’s good that your best friend gave you the heads up. That was considerate of her. It’s understandable that you feel awful for hearing the news and it’s so so unfair, we’ve all been there. I’d start by hiding the girl in question on your social media feed xx

[Sunshine92 in reply to Tugsgirl]

Thank you, thats great advice. Ive done just that 😌

[PeanutandCashew]

I was about your age when my partner and I started our journey. It’s been a really long, and emotionally exhausting road. Unfortunately, like me, you’re around that age where it seems everybody decides to start their families and it honestly will feel like everyone is pregnant, EVERYONE! Friends, family, colleagues, every celebrity on the planet. People who in your head don’t deserve to be/shouldn’t be and people who you never dreamed could be. It’s an awful situation when you’re waiting for it to be your turn. All you can do is try to be happy for everyone else while counting the blessings you have. I’ve always made lists in my head of all the ways my life has been good and things that have come easily. Starting a family has been hard, but something in life always will be. At 26 you’re already ahead of the game as far as fertility treatment goes. The earlier you start investigating and looking at solutions the sooner it’ll be your turn. x

[Sunshine92 in reply to PeanutandCashew]

Thank you so much for your lovely reply, you’re so right! I’m the kind of person that needs a plan, too organised. Ive gone from school to college to uni, progressed in my career, met my partner at 18, engaged, brought a house got married. All those things required hard work and dedication. So i thought, we’re finally ready for a baby .. easy peasy! We’ll do the most natural easy thing in the world and it will happen - yeah right 🤷🏻‍♀️

I know i am so very fortunate to have a roof over my head, food on the table and a husband who loves me. I just hope i havent used up all my luck and can one day be a mum ♥️ xx

[LegoBatgirl]

This may be cheesy and sorry if it doesn't help but one wise thing that I've seen written on the forum by a few ladies and have tried to take to heart is that; you don't want their baby, you want your own. Them being pregnant doesn't make it any more or less likely that you'll get pregnant and you can mute them on social media if you don't want to have to deal with seeing the pics/scans etc.

This whole journey is really hard on your mental health. I'd advocate counselling if you have access to it as it's really helpful to have an outside and judgement free person to talk to.

Best of luck with your treatment x

[Sunshine92 in reply to LegoBatgirl]

Thank you! I’m having cognitive behavioural therapy atm. Tried acupuncture for 6months and this month tried reflexology and really liking it so far. Have done everything imaginable to try and cling on to my mental health. I just want to be happy, as we all do xx

[LegoBatgirl in reply to Sunshine92]

Glad you're getting some therapy and have an outlet to talk things through. This whole process is a massive kick in the teeth and some days I wish to go back to not knowing anything was wrong but I'm trying to see that with knowledge comes power and at least being able to come here and see what other women can go through can give me the strength to keep fighting and be grateful for what I have- a very supportive hubby, great friends and family and a forum full of amazing examples.

Wishing you all the best. X

[Sarahmanc]

Yep. There’s no denying it. It’s rubbish and you shouldn’t feel guilty about feeling sad and angry. That’s just a part of this process. Take heart from the fact that you are young so your eggs are much more likely to respond to treatment and you have plenty of time for them to investigate what works for you. I agree with the others though - unfollow the girl in question for a bit to give yourself a bit of sanity. I came off social media completely when we were struggling. Look after yourself xx

[Hidden]

oh love, I'm sorry - good that your friend let you know first though to give you a chance to hide any posts you don't want to see.

It's horrible isn't it? Don't feel bad, you're definitely not alone in feeling like that- when I was first starting out it was really tough, as all my close friends/cousins seemed to be getting pregnant, and I was just sat there trying my best to feel happy for them, but then feeling jealous and then feeling like Maleficent the evil fairy when all these babies come along and I'm not full of songs.

It is definitely frustrating when people tell you not to stress- I hated that too, and although it might not work for everyone I've been trying hard to practice stoicism (some really good books out there if these are things that help you) about things that are beyond my control, and weirdly it's kind of helped me to be able to acknowledge the ugly thoughts and compartmentalise them a bit.

You know yourself better than anyone though, so it's just finding the things you know that will help.

Lots of love to you and we're all here if you ever need to vent- venting is good!!!! x