How to stay sane?!

[CassieJ]

Hello, my first post here...trying to seek advice/inspiration on how to stay sane in ttc after a miscarriage. After a month of trying again I have just started my period and felt devastated. It’s really distracted me from work and my fiancé and I ended up having a difficult chat on Saturday about how concerned he was about me being so neurotic/obsessed and scared. We’ve worked things out for now - I know it’s tough for him too and we talk about how he struggles to see me sad and not be able to “fix” things. But I’m really trying to commit to making the next two week wait easier for both of us. Felt super down as lots of friends have managed to conceive very quickly recently and also turning 35 in December so extra feared up. Thank you for reading and tons of luck & faith to all trying to conceive

[Hidden]

Hello

It is very hard and I don't think that there is an easy answer. One thing that helps is to try to find answers and plan for the next time. It sounds like maybe you are trying naturally rather than ivf. Have you spoken with your Dr? Maybe they can offer you some counselling?

Perhaps one month following a miscarriage your body isn't quite ready yet. Quite a lot of people do go on to have babies fairly quickly following a miscarriage as it's almost like it now knows what to do and gets it right the next time.

You need to try not to stress and fixate on every little detail as you can so easily lose yourself to this process. It's a very fine line between believing that you are doing everything you can and not going completely crazy. Believe me, we have all been there.

Why not plan something nice for you am your fiance. Something that is special to the two of you so you can share something positive at this hard time. Then try to restrict yourself to only one or two things that you try to help you conceive?

Wishing you all the best and do come here to ask for help and advice. We are all here xxx

[CassieJ in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Camillage-really appreciate the understanding & kind advice. I agree re counselling-because of the work I do, I already have provision and space for this, but may seek a few extra sessions if next month is as tough.

The doctor advised I started trying again as we waited one full cycle before trying in September -but yes it’s very early days. I was just shocked as I thought I had processed the loss well and wouldn’t find it as hard as I did. It’s good experience to know its going to be tough again and I’m hoping that next few months I can try and relax more

Luckily we already had a holiday booked for this week so finding it easier to let go :)Xx

[Hidden in reply to CassieJ]

I hope you really enjoy the holiday. This can be a relentless process xx

[Masha111]

Everything happens for a reason (whether we like it or not) it means better things are to come. Dont lose hope, belief and faith. You only have to read the amazing stories on here to know this.

Its hard to see others around you falling pregnant and talking about babies etc. Its important to think 'my time will come and when it does (not far) its going to be amazing' it WILL happen.

Be kind to yourself, seek counselling if you havent already done so. Continue to communicate with your OH and the online community here is great so do come back if you need some support. Good luck in your journey to being a mum xxx

[CassieJ in reply to Masha111]

Hi Masha, thank you-it’s really helpful to hear that mantra of faith written in black and white...must keep believing! Xx

[Hidden]

Hi Cassie.

I’m really sorry to hear of your loss. It is very difficult. I took sometime to come to terms with my chemical pregnancy last year.

I agree with camillage it can take a few months to get your body back to normal-it took me 3 months to ovulate again.

I was like you wanted to be pregnant straight away after our loss, each time it didn’t work it reminded me of our loss as well as feeling the disappointment of that month. It was a double whammy. 😢

Every time it didn’t happen it felt worse & the less hope I had.

Unfortunately I was also contending with endometriosis. Which became worse after my loss & to cut a long story short I have had to have another 2 surgeries to treat it this year-March & July ( it was so bad I needed an endo surgeon) it took 13 months but I became pregnant again & I’m now 9 weeks. I’m not suggesting it will take you so long,only because I had to get my endo treated properly did it take so long. But it was worth the wait.

IT WILL HAPPEN, I don’t know when but your time will come. And just because that pregnancy didn’t work out doesn’t mean another pregnancy wouldn’t.

Our fertility doctor said we were just unlucky & I’m sure it is the same for you.

We tried to take the positive from an awful situation-we conceived when we thought we couldn’t!

It is early days so don’t expect too much from yourself. I hope you have lots of support around you. For sometime it will feel very raw but you will get through this & come back fighting 😘

[CassieJ in reply to Hidden]

Hi Jess,

Thank you so much for your understanding and identification. Such lovely news to hear of your current pregnancy- I really wish you loads of luck and hope you are feeling well.

I fear that each month that goes by will be harder than the next but super helpful to put it in perspective and know it takes time and that others have experienced similar things. Also I hope that now I know it’s going to be tough again that I can be a bit more prepared next month for the emotional fall out!Xx

[MrsAdzee]

Hi, just really wanted to reach out to you after reading your story.

I’ve been in this position, after trying and trying to fall pregnant we’d just begun all of our fertility investigations when we fell pregnant spontaneously (this was in Dec 2016). We were absolutely overjoyed, having believed that we were going to need IVF or some other intervention. Sadly I had a miscarriage very early (between 4-5 weeks) and it absolutely crushed us both. It took a long time for me to come to terms with this. I tried counselling but found it too upsetting....the only thing that was going to help me was to be pregnant again. There was a real panic & sense of urgency that I can’t describe.

We were unfortunate and tried month after month....fast forward to now when we have had our first try of IVF and waiting to hear if it worked or not.

What I want to share is that although it seems unbearable just now it does get easier with time. I think the anxious state & urgency I had about getting pregnant again didn’t help me. But time did. I try to remember that a) my body is capable of being pregnant and b) having had one miscarriage does not automatically mean you’ll experience another.

I really feel your pain and hope that you will get your dream soon xxx