More pessimistic this cycle-tips for staying sane?

[neonpg]

Hi, I appreciate I am not in a position to complain or panic at all because for IVF #2 things are actually going pretty well. And yet I'm far more anxious than I was for my first cycle.

As a bit of background I got 15 eggs for IVF#1 and 13 fertilised. My clinic didn't do Day 3 updates so I excitedly counted down to my Day 5 transfer wondering how many blasts I'd get. In the end I got two and despite my initial disappointment I felt lucky to do so well.

Of course a failed implantation and a miscarriage later and I'm now feeling a bit more jaded. IVF#2 is with a new clinic and milder stim protocol, and I got 10 eggs, of which 7 fertilised. Amazing, right? Except...my stupid brain is spiralling. After all, if I only got 2 blasts from 13 embryos, what if I get none from half that amount?

My Day 3 update this morning was really positive, with 4 of the 7 on track and the other 3 lagging behind just a little, but they're all in the running! And yet I'm still spiralling and panicking about that rare scenario that they'll all suddenly die off between now and Saturday.

Apologies for the ramble as I'm annoying myself here, but I guess what I'm asking for is any tips to keep my mind sane while all this is going on. I dread to think how unbearable I'll be in the TWW 😅

[Hidden]

Natural to feel like this like this Just breath and take a minute Each cycle of treatment can be - and frequently is- entirely different from the one before Numbers looking good and hopefully to ones that are lagging will catch up .Make sure have people around you for support . Also hope you have taken advantage of counselling appointments you should be offered while on treatment

Try to keep yourself busy during 2WW Go for walks - read a good book or reread a favourite one ! Watch a boxset on TV .Eat well - rest when can and drink plenty of fluids And remember to take any meds as directed For more info take a look at our website fertilitynetworkuk.org to see recording " What you need to know about the 2WW " Access menu select Learn about Fertility then scroll to Webinars to find the above

Thinking of you

Janet-Partner

[neonpg in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Janet for your thoughtful response-this is really reassuring and I have the counsellor's number if I feel I need it.

[Cutecolliedog]

totally understand the panic!! I was like this in my second cycle too but got very different results (better!) it’s just so random how things work out which makes it so hard to predict. Sounds like you have really good numbers still and got a pretty good chance of getting some embryos 🤞

I struggle as well distracting myself in these waits, feels like we are always waiting for something aren’t we?! xx

[neonpg in reply to Cutecolliedog]

This is so true! As soon as I clear one hurdle I get a moment of relief but then I'm back to thinking "but what if it all goes wrong from here?". I'm trying to flip it on its head and tell myself "but what if it all goes right?" but it's definitely not easy.

I'm so glad you got a better outcome for your second cycle. I know logically that a high attrition rate is super normal and just because I had a huge drop-off for round 1 doesn't necessarily mean it'll happen again.

[Cutecolliedog in reply to neonpg]

The hurdles honestly never stop I feel as you go through the process it can get slightly easier but it’s still so hard and challenging. I got exactly same number of embryos and very identical number to you in the first cycle. At the time I was so disappointed but now I look back actually even with two embryos you have two chances!!

I find trying to find any activity that can pass time and distract yourself is great! Especially if you find a good series in Netflix with numerous seasons 🙈

[CornflowerMoon]

It's so hard! Try to keep yourself busy to take your mind off it. Maybe go for walks even just to get fresh air or cook a new recipe if that's something you enjoy doing. During the 2ww for my 3rd transfer, I felt so pessimistic as well and distinctly remember feeling that I'd never have a baby. But, all it takes is one and right now I am cuddling that one while she sleeps. Don't be afraid to hope, you'll know that nothing is guaranteed but hope will get you through x

[CreateIVF]

I’ve got low AMH so never got that many eggs but thankfully the fertilisation and blast rate was pretty decent. I did 4 egg collections in total to get 3 day 5 blasts and 2 day 3. Every cycle was TOTALLy different. I always read that but didn’t believe it until I had my own data. Sounds like you are in a really good place and I will be keeping everything crossed for you xx

[Kitkat10]

You’re doing really well, it’s an agonising wait. Try if you can to keep busy and distracted. You’ve got really good numbers so 🍀🍀🍀