Cycle of emotions post failed IVF cycle

Hey All

Just want to check I am normal

We had our first failed cycle two weeks ago tomorrow.. well that was when I started bleeding, and then did the test on the Friday and BFN. I cried a bit on the Tuesday and Wednesday and then decided we would try again straight away and sort of 'got on' with things and never really looked back.

I don't know if it was going back to acupuncture on Saturday but I suddenly feel terribly terribly sad. The news events at the weekends made me more sad - anything sad made me sadder tbh. I then dreamt Friday and Saturday nights I had a baby and felt EVEN sadder Sunday morning. Gradually lost more and more mojo over yesterday and yesterday evening just ended up in floods of tears uncontrollable crying, basically because my OH didnt fancy a bit of nookie, felt so rejected and ..well sad!

Didnt really sleep at all last night and already cried twice this morning for absolutely no reason. I can cry at the drop of a hat. I feel so blue, have no energy and basically just want to sit and cry.

Appreciate thats a lot of crying and sadness! Do you think this is hormonal or just reality sinking in and completely normal just slightly delayed? I hate feeling like this!

I have a counselling appt booked but first one available was 14th Nov so a while away yet..

Thanks all xx

[Penders]

Oh hunny I'm sorry your feeling so sad. It is good to let it all out tho. I think maybe it could be a bit of both really hormones and reality. I'm glad you have a counselling appointment booked it really does help. Sending you love and hugs xxx

[Hidden in reply to Penders]

thanks so much, feel better just writing it down x

[Franco81]

Oh I’m so sorry this has hit you like this now. I just want to say though if what you describe isn’t normal then neither am I! I have been exactly the same on and off after a couple of failed cycles. Some days I can face the world and others I just can’t stop crying. I think it’s definitely a mixture of hormones and just basically going through a bloody hard time.

Allow yourself to feel the feelings and process it all and just celebrate the good days, over time they will become more frequent than the down days.

Look after yourself xx

[Hidden in reply to Franco81]

Sorry you feel the same, its painful isn't it.. I am normally such an upbeat person.

I don't think it helps my sister has just had a baby so I am seeing new photos every day and its all our family can talk about, making it a lot more raw for me

Really hope you start feeling better soon xx

[Franco81 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, you too xx

[gemmy999]

Sorry you are so sad. It’s totally normally to be so emotional. And you need to have this emotional time. You’ll eventually get stronger. My advice would be to take time out before you go again. I went from cycle 1 into cycle 2 as quick as I could. I felt like it was taking my mind of the grieve from my BFN. But I realised after I had a bit of a ‘breakdown’ that I hadn’t recovered between the cycles. Take time out as a couple. Do nice things. Cry as much as you need. And the counsellor will be great. I see one every cycle. Take care of yourself and take time xx

[Hidden in reply to gemmy999]

Thanks for the advice, I do think sometimes I rush into things and don't deal with the consequences very well so I think maybe I do need to think about things a bit x

[LegoBatgirl]

You're doing the right thing by acknowledging your feelings and booking in the counselling. I really hope it helps and that you know everyone here supports you x

[Hidden in reply to LegoBatgirl]

Thanks very much x

[genten]

I'm not sure, I can only say how I was after my bfn in September, I was so so down for the first two days then picked myself back up and then a few days after that, I was so so sad. I just felt so drained and emotional, I lost interest in everything. I took a week off from work to rest up which did help and then it took me another couple if weeks to be myself again.

Counselling sounds like a good idea for you. I hope in the coming weeks that you feel better.xxx

[Hidden in reply to genten]

Thank you - that really helped to know I am not bonkers!! x

[genten in reply to Hidden]

Aww you're definitely not.

Its something we've never dealt with before and for me, even if I had to do lots more cycles I don't think I'd ever get used to it. Xxx

[Hidden]

I am sorry you are feeling the rollercoaster of emotions and sorry to hear you had a BFN. I feel like this is perfectly normal. I was much the same, got to work one day cried - went home. Then was home and didn't really think about it, next day was ok and then the following day cried some more. Then got back to it, booked a private scan and today I feel a pang of sadness again.

It really is a ride of emotions. good idea with the counselling, perhaps they can pop you on a cancellation list if you wanted to get in sooner?

Wishing you all the best