So I'm struggling atm coping with my emotions. I failed my 4th ivf two weeks ago so guess its all still so raw to be dealing with. I think work is triggering my feelings but i just cant afford to be off. I work in customer services and get a lot of shitty customers and I'm completely fine until someone shouts and screams at me. Then i do one of two things, cry and have an anxiety attack or shout. Neither of the two are helping me atm. I need to keep my job but also need to grieve and maintain my sanity.
Aftet the 4 ivf's I've done I've discovered that i suffer with anxiety quite badly. I physically shake when I'm trying to be in control of a situation or my emotions. I've previously had meds for it but can't take them when doing ivf or ttc.
Its just so rubbish. I can't help but think is it the ivf that has put me here or is it just deeper issues I've had that ivf has bought out in me. I'm going to book an appointment with a counsellor soon, i think.
My due date for my mc would have been friday too so thats stirring up lots of emotion in me. My family have just stayed away from me and not said anything to me which hurts. I feel such a sad case as I've driven away all my friemds as soon as they have kids. Its just too painful to be around. I literally have no one left. Makes me think it must be me. No one wants to be around me.
I absolutely hate my life. I don't have anything and just feel like I'm going to have a breakdown. Then I'm confused if what I'm feeling is exagerative because of the ivf or if the way I'm feeling is because of it. Thought it'd be easier as donethis 3 times butit is getting so hard now.