Why is it that everything bad happens at once?! I suffered a chemical pregnancy last week and then find out my granddad passed away last night I haven't even had time to process what has recently happened let alone deal with a death in the family.
I am literally trying to hold myself together and get on with 'normal life' but its so hard sometimes! I try and act all happy and smiley in the day that by the evening I get all grumpy and snappy at my husband.
I have my 30th coming up soon and my husband wants to focus on that but I just cant be bothered.
I am sure others of you have experienced exactly how I am feeling? How do you cope with it all especially dealing with someone passing away too
Where is the wine?!
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silverlini
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Hi silverlini. So sorry to hear this after losing your pregnancy that held out so much hope for you both and now the loss of you4 precious grandad passed away so soon afterwards. It’s hard, as I know losing someone so close, so I hope you’ve got plenty of support around you just now. You must still celebrate your 30th but perhaps not as massively as you had hoped to. Too much going on in your lives just now, but it will slowly steady down. Just hoping that grandad went peacefully, and sending you loads of love and I shall be thinking of you. Diane
Thank you Diane for your lovely message. Fortunately he did pass away peacefully so I suppose that is something. Just another thing to grasp and deal with at an already bad time. Hopefully the new year will be better!x
So sorry to hear this. Life sometimes throws a bit too many things, doesn’t it. It will take some time to process the grief but things will get better. Be kind to yourself and take things easy. Sending hugs xx
Thank you Kari, I just can't believe how bad my luck seems to be at the moment. They say things happen in 3's so I am just bracing myself for the next thing to happen!xx
Aww I'm so so sorry for what you're going through, it's so so hard ☹.
Last October I started calling clinic (NHS) to begin treatment, I couldn't get on the cycle in October, November or December as they were too busy and close down for 2 weeks in December. Then I thought this is ok, I'll call in January.... new year fresh start and all of that! Well on the 3rd of January I was already back in work and I had a call that my sister's husband had committed suicide and that she found him 😥. He had been suffering for years with mental health issues bless him and for 7 weeks prior to his death he had been suffering really bad but my sister didn't tell us as she thought he was going to get better. Needless to say, I didn't call for treatment in January due to the stress of everything, trying to concieve for over 4 years at the time, not being able to get on a cycle and a suicide in the family, my god it was awful.
Many more things have happened since and last Wednesday I was made redundant!
I know what you mean about being all smiles in the day as I can do the same at times and come home and be a right grump but I think it's reasonable in the circumstances.
The only thing I do to cope is to speak to husband and close friends, I'm so thankful that I actually have 2 friends going through Ivf process too, one who I see a couple of times a week and one I met through this forum. Have you confided in any close friends that you can trust or thought about fertility counselling as that may help.
If possible I think you should throw yourself in to your birthday plans, it's your big day! You deserve it.
I know the one thing you seek most seems so far away right now but you will get there.
Hi genten thank you for your message and reaching out to me
wow you really did go through it!! I am so sorry to hear about your brother in law, that is awful. It really must have been a tough time for you and your family. Life really is cruel at times and you stop and think to yourself 'what the hell have I done to deserve this?!'
Sorry to hear about your redundancy, I hope you can find a new job quickly! It's the last thing you need to be worrying about. perhaps a new job would be a good distraction?
I have got a great husband and family and friends so at least that is something! I will be ok, just have to move on and focus on some nicer things. maybe I should plan my birthday to I can look forward to something...dreading Christmas this year though!!
I know, it was bloomin awful. Yes, we do think that why us etc. but I believe that i/we will get there, have to believe that or I probably wouldn't continue chasing this dream.
Thank you 💖. Me too and in the meantime I'm going to look after myself and re-focus.
Aww that's good, lean on them when you need to as that's what they are there for as I'm sure you are for them too.
I think you should, why not, could be the thing you need right now and I bet hubby wants you to have a fab day.
I know, me too. Normally I've started buying the non perishable items (we always do Christmas dinner at our house) but this year I'm like nope! Not doing to🤣 I'll change my mind though I'm sure.
You’re right, you have to have some hope to keep going with the dream. It just proves how strong we are! I think today has been the first day I haven’t cried so that’s a good starting point! Yesterday was hard as it would have been my scan day. So me and the husband spent a night with friends and had one too many drinks! (Whoops!) I think it was needed. I need to get back to no drinking and healthy eating again, rightly so I’ve had a couple weeks off!
Oh hunny I'm so sorry. Back in February I lost my nan the day before we found out we had a BFP and then a missed miscarriage was confirmed the week of the funeral so I have some understanding of what you are feeling. You will get through this it just takes time. You need to give yourself time to grieve. Don't keep your feelings bottled up, you need to let them out. I know it's the last thing on your mind but maybe try and think about your birthday and plan something really nice even if it's just you and your husband. Maybe try and get a weekend away to rest and regroup. Sending you big hugs and lots of love ❤️ xxxx
oh how awful for you, I am so sorry to hear that I don't understand why these things all happen at once! Reading all the lovely messages I think I will do something nice for my birthday xx
Im sorry to hear of everyones losses. Thinking of you all. May you find the strength and solace in your loved ones and close family and friends as well as the community here. In time you will progress further to where you are now and you will enjoy your good news/BFP/being a mom. Keep the hope alive xxxx ❤🤞😘
Sorry to hear this. Maybe taking your mind off fertility and baby making to celebrate your 30th will help. You should definitely do something special because although this difficult journey to becoming a parent may (hopefully WILL) come to and end one day, you'll never get your 30th again!!
It never rains but it pours. I’m sorry for everything you’re going through and hope you have great support around you. I hope that you manage to have a nice birthday, even if it’s a quiet one xx
I’m really really sorry for what your going through right now.
I think I can understand a little how are you feeling.
I did not have a chemical, but I had just started the preliminary appointments early this year at the clinic, then my mum suddenly was taken to the hospital and after a month passed away. I actually feel emptied, and sometimes I don’t know how to cope with all of that.
Thank you for your message, I am so sorry to hear this about your mum, how awful 😞 life is so cruel sometimes it’s hard to get your head around it. These things are sent to try us but doesn’t make it right 😔 I hope you are ok xx
I can’t say I’m ok, but life is life and we all need to live it no matter what happens.
I moved in Glasgow from Italy, where my family is, years ago so being so far away from home helps a little bit, but it’ll never be easy.
Especially in this particular moment of my life, I miss my mum so much. But I strongly believe she’s still trying her best to be on my side and help me with my (our) journey.
DH is really supportive, and he never makes me feel alone in all this.
I hope celebrating your birthday with your husband will help distracting you a bit atm. I’m sure you’ll feel better soon.
I’m glad to hear you have a supportive family even if they are far away. Good job for face time hey! I don’t think many of us would be able to get through tough times without our beloved husbands! (Or wives). Have a nice weekend xx
so sorry for your losses..any loss is devestating and two so close is very very hard..allow grief to be that grief as after what you been through it is so perfectly normal to dwell like you do..bloody birthdays are so inconvenient sometimes..my 40th hung over me for ages and I celebrated with friends and wished I hadn't as I got so upset and it took so much out of me..I did it as others pressuring me and should have done what I wanted...take care of yourself and yes drink wine xxxx
Thank you for your message 😊 I’ve never been that bothered about my birthday anyway as it’s so close to Christmas! But I suppose it will be something to try and take my mind off everything. Hopefully hubby will organise something so I can mark the occasion but not get stressed about it! I certainly had a few drinks last night with friends but paying for it today!xx
I'm so sorry that these two devastating events are happening at the same time. When I've been in a similar situation my husband has taken me away for a long weekend somewhere where nice and relaxing, to do some hiking and be around nature. It is not a magical cure but it certainly helps with bringing stress down and starting to heal a bit.
Hi there, I am very sorry for both your losses. Can’t begin to imagine how hard it is for you. All I can say is take one day at a time and go gently with yourself.
I think it is important to mark your birthday in some way, maybe a weekend away with just you and your husband might be manageable.
I’m so sorry to hear about your losses. My 30th is going to be very low key and there’s nothing wrong with that, don’t feel pressure to do anything you don’t want to do xx
I got pregnant in june and had not long got over the stress of watching my dad go into a coma and nearly die and i remember thinking when i found out i was pregnant after all the crap ive been through in my life that it would be too cruel to finally give me all id ever wanted and then take it away from me and then i had a miscarriage and a week after it happened i remember feeling like this was the straw that broke the camels back that if this was how my life was going to be just one painful event after another i didnt want to go on and i remember being in the car and not caring if i crashed and as i got home it frightened me that i felt that way but at the time i couldnt see the light at the end of the tunnel but 5 months later im like a different person i try and tell myself im stronger than i think i am because every time life knocks me down somehow i manage to get back up again you will get through this xx
Oh how awful for you, so sorry to hear. That must have been so tough for you and it’s not an easy one to ‘get over’ but it sounds like you are much stronger now which is lovely. When times get tough just take some time out, spend time with your friends and do something nice to take your mind off it all. I spent the evening with friends last night and it was really nice. Head hurts a bit today though!! 🍷
Have my deepest condolences I pray that God gives u peace and strengthen in ur time of bereavement. An always God heals all wounds. Am praying for you and your family.
Firstly sorry for your chemical pregnancy, been there last year. The glimmer of hope to be snatched away is beyond cruel. It took me a long time to come to terms with my loss & truly honestly only started to properly heal after what would’ve been our due date. It’s really early days & don’t expect too much from yourself. You will get through this & come back fighting. ❤️
I’m really sorry that your Grandad has passed away whilst going through this.
I hope you can try to enjoy your birthday ( even if it’s a quiet affair)
Hi Jess, Thank you It's a lot to go through and I have my good and bad days, I feel better today after immersing myself into binge watching 'Making a murderer part 2' over the weekend! I didn't have to think about much, but I know that is only temporarily.
I hope your pregnancy is going well, we were chatting a few days ago but since then I changed my picture so you probably didn't recognise!xx
I’m glad you are feeling a bit better, you will come out the other side of this & stronger 😘 You will do this again I just know you will 💝( but with a much happier outcome 😍) it is positive that you conceived, sometimes with infertility that is half the battle. ✨
Like your new picture beautiful 💝
I love a good box set 🙂we watched breaking bad throughout my surgery & recovery 👌🏻
I’m good thank you, we are seeing the midwife next week! I was considering posting, but really don’t want to upset others. xoxo
Thank you, that means a lot, as much as I will feel nervous about doing another IVF round again, I think I will go into it feeling positive.
Oh yes, its such a good distraction...although I feel so lazy at the moment!!! I need to get moving. I bought a fertility yoga dvd which I need to try.
Oh that's exciting! you should definitely post, this forum is as much about seeing positive and successful posts too as it gives others encouragement and hope. It's up to individuals if they want to read it or not xxx
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I haven't even had time to process what has recently happened let alone deal with a death in the family.
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