It never rains but it pours 😩 - Fertility Network UK

Fertility Network UK

56,453 members59,771 posts

It never rains but it pours 😩

Kyell2 profile image
31 Replies

My clinic just called to say that our sperm donor has changed his mind and no longer wants to be a donor and so they need to destroy his sperm 😔.

It took us a year to decide to use a sperm donor, 3 months to decide on him and just as we are about to start treatment we are back to square one. The clinic were shocked and said this had never happened before but that she had no choice but to destroy it this afternoon. But on a plus note we can have a refund...how does that help me!

First no period (now 16 days late) and now no sperm....it feels like the universe is telling me not to do this 😢. Plus I’m at work and trying not to kill my colleagues who are making a fuss about stupid issues when I’m having an internal breakdown!! x

Written by
Kyell2 profile image
Kyell2
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
31 Replies
Cinderella5 profile image
Cinderella5

Awww honey, Im really sorry! What a massive blow for you guys when everything was just getting so close. I know its not ideal but can the clinic let you have another look at suitable donors to choose another one? Feel for you both so much, the disappointment must be hard to take. Hugs.xxx

Kyell2 profile image
Kyell2 in reply toCinderella5

Aw thank you.

I had a wee cry in the toilet and now I’m trying to pull it back together. It took my OH so long to choose this donor that I can’t really face the prospect of doing it again. Either way we now have a bit of time as we can’t possibly sort it before Christmas.

Why sign up to be a donor if you are not fully committed though, he just causing heartache today (and probably not just for us today)

Hope you are doing well, when’s the next Athens trip? x

Cinderella5 profile image
Cinderella5 in reply toKyell2

Aww Im glad you've been able to go for a wee cry, it does help to let it out! I know, cant understand why someone would donate and then take it back....bit of a weird one. Hopefully if you can relax and enjoy Christmas your heads will be clear to start again.

I was hoping to get off to Athens this weekend for transfer next week but lining issues are causing me a bloody headache....same old issues. Seem to get stuck at 6.2mm so I think I'll need to up the meds and rescan in a few days again before committing to travelling....just waiting on the update from them!xx

Kyell2 profile image
Kyell2 in reply toCinderella5

How frustrating that your lining isn’t behaving again. Hopefully the increase in drugs will make it catch up fast. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you x

HollyT7 profile image
HollyT7

You can get through this and you will get to where you want to be. As challenging as all of this is for us, I do believe in what's meant to be will happen and that this 'nightmare' will give us a new part inside that not many have and it will allow us to love our children even more so than your average parent. My tip is a little cry in a warm shower and jump into some pj's fresh of the radiator! One thing Xxx big hugs to you xxxx

Kyell2 profile image
Kyell2 in reply toHollyT7

Thank you, I’m sure you are right. I need to work late because of a drama at work but my pyjamas will go on as soon as I get home 😊x

Lou7744 profile image
Lou7744

Aww... how disappointing! Nothing is ever straight forward in the world of IVF is it?! 💕 xx

Kyell2 profile image
Kyell2 in reply toLou7744

Thank you...nothing is ever simple. They could literally write a book about everything that has gone wrong for us lol x

Aleelilook profile image
Aleelilook

Oh god I’m so sorry, committing to using a donor is hard enough I can’t imagine how confused you must feel right now 🙁 definitely try and escape work early and have a good cry with the OH before you think of putting a plan in place xxx

Kyell2 profile image
Kyell2 in reply toAleelilook

Thank you. I think our plan might be to take some time out. I can completely abandon my no alcohol plan then and get my gin out of storage 😂 x

Aleelilook profile image
Aleelilook in reply toKyell2

Now that sounds like a good idea! That’s exactly what I’m doing tonight!!! Xx

Kyell2 profile image
Kyell2 in reply toAleelilook

When life throws limes at you get out the gin and tonic 😂 x

Thats terrible, I so sorry to hear this, what a trauma to go through. Sending you hugs and really hoping that its all happening for a reason and your cycle with your new donor (when you find one) is a BFP x

Kyell2 profile image
Kyell2 in reply to

Thank you. Yeah I’m beginning to think it’s happened for a reason too. If my period wasn’t over weeks late then we would be a day away from the treatment and to be told At that stage would have been awful x .

hannahkc profile image
hannahkc

Sorry to hear, Kyell 😣 The hoops we have to jump through already and this after such a long wait. Stay strong xx

Kyell2 profile image
Kyell2 in reply tohannahkc

Thank you x

everhopeful83 profile image
everhopeful83

Really sorry to read this ☹️ hopefully you will be able to find another donor soon💗 hugs 💗 xx

Kyell2 profile image
Kyell2 in reply toeverhopeful83

Thank you x

Tugsgirl profile image
Tugsgirl

Try not to think of it that way. Perhaps this guy just wasn’t the right guy. I’m a big believer in things working out the way they do for a reason, even if we can’t see the reason to begin with. Keep the faith. I’m sure you’re going to find an even better donor xx

Kyell2 profile image
Kyell2 in reply toTugsgirl

You are very right, I need to stay positive.

It all just feels like a bit of a soap opera, we have been close to things moving forward so many times and then the script changes in an instant and we’re back to the start.

My OH, like a typical solicitor, needs to blame someone so has been complaining to HFEA to try to convince them that the sperm belongs to us because we paid for it lol x

Sweets1 profile image
Sweets1

Oh my goodness I don’t know what to say! I’m so sorry, really to feel for you! Sending big hugs xx

Kyell2 profile image
Kyell2 in reply toSweets1

Thank you, you are very kind. I kind of thought once it was at our clinic we would be fine but hey ho we’ll regroup x

MrsAdzee profile image
MrsAdzee

I’m so sorry to hear this, what a let down for you, I can only imagine your disappointment xxx

Kyell2 profile image
Kyell2 in reply toMrsAdzee

Thank you x

NMP1026 profile image
NMP1026

Awe Hun I've just seen this. I'm so sorry it's been so difficult for you to get to this point. I can't even begin to imagine. Thinking of you both xx

Kyell2 profile image
Kyell2 in reply toNMP1026

Thank you. Feeling a bit more positive today but not looking forward to starting the dreaded search again. Hope you and the bump are doing well. Sooo close now 😊 xx

Ajplus1 profile image
Ajplus1

Oh sweetie I am so sorry to read this. I can’t imagine how you are feeling. Hopefully you find another donor that you like. Thinking of you at the time xz

Kyell2 profile image
Kyell2 in reply toAjplus1

Thank you. How is your OH doing, have they said when he might get to come home? x

Ajplus1 profile image
Ajplus1 in reply toKyell2

Still no word yet. It’s getting harder and harder to leave him there especially as his an hour away now and we still don’t know when he will be able to come home. Hope you’re okay xx

Dunla profile image
Dunla

That is so disappointing for you, I’m really sorry. Hoping that after some time out over Christmas you will be feeling ready to tackle selecting another donor. Thinking of you xx

Masha111 profile image
Masha111

Im really sorry to hear what you are going through. So traumatising. My thoughts are with you. I agree with Daisy1245 and Tugsgirl. Im a firm believer that everything happens for a reason...the good and the bad. God knows what lies ahead and he has a better plan for us. So when something goes wrong its to prevent something worse from happening and he has even better times coming for you. I am the strong one out of us both. So when things were tough i was calming OH down when he was frustrated and running out of patience. Now i remind him to say look God's plan worked.... that patience paid off... (we are 11 wks 4 days now)

Its a difficult time for you guys.... but dont give up hope, belief or blind faith in the Almighty....miracles do happen.... this site is living proof.

Take time out enjoy the festive break together and start afresh in the new year when you are both ready. Important thing is to be close to each other at this time and communicate with each other.

All the best. 2019 will be the year for you (god willing) big hugs xxx💖 you will get your BFP🤰🏻and you will be a mum🤱🏻 xxx

Not what you're looking for?

You may also like...

And just like that it all came together 😊

I woke up this morning knowing that today was the last day our donor sperm could possibly arrive if...
Kyell2 profile image

IUI or IVF with donor sperm? Advice needed please

Hi all. I’m looking for some advice please. My husband and I are having to use donor sperm but we...
Pujj profile image

When it rains it pours...

Hello my lovely ladies, Most of you who know me know that I often come here to write because one...
emu2016 profile image

Should I get frozen embryos PGA tested?

I’m going through IVF using donor sperm.. my first round I had one embryo transferred which was...
Kt8e21 profile image

Looking for support and advise around using a sperm donor for IUI

Hi all, I am new and this is my first post. I am looking for some advise around using a sperm donor...

Moderation team

See all
Claire_FNUK profile image
Claire_FNUKAdministrator
JA-fnuk profile image
JA-fnukPartner

Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.

Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.