Feeling down

[Minchoo]

It’s been about 4 months since my surgery to sort out the PID issue I was having as a result of my ivf cycle. I was reading my clinic notes and I feel kind of hopeless. Not sure why my uterus has given up on me. I have adhesions, water ascites, adenomyosis, cysts on my ovaries and my tubes had hydrosalphinx- with possible endo (waiting on MRI result) and a confirmed frozen pelvis.

Not sure if I should go for another round of IVF but that was my plan. I am also considering donor eggs.

I just want one baby and will probably get it all removed before I get any other issues. I am just feeling a little sorry for myself. I am in my mid-30s and my body has given up on me already. I don’t drink, smoke, do drugs. I exercise but minimally and I guess I eat an okish diet, I am not overweight.

I have gained weight since marriage but going to hit the gym hard over these next few months. I shouldn’t have read my notes. But I was sorting out things with my previous clinic so I had to.

I do pray those who are lost right now, I do hope we find a way. Nature and life cannot be this cruel. I wish i had children earlier and not build on a career which tbh isn’t all that in comparison. Perhaps it is selfish to have kids, but it is something I wanted. I wanted to teach them and see them grow and be fulfilled. To be part of my husband and me. To see the product of our love. To laugh and embrace this short life. To make my parents and his happy. To make my children have purpose in life and drive and the ability to reach their dreams and goals. For my parents and his to have a reason to laugh and giggle. I see babies and I yearn for one. I never feel resentment towards those that have them. It’s a blessing. The only time I feel resentment is when a child is not loved properly. It’s funny how you overlook something until it is impossible to attain.

I still have faith. Regardless of everything. I hope nature finds a way.

[EmmaWills]

I know how terrible TTC could be. I would not say that the changes will be severe, as not all borderline changes indicate cancer. Moreover, the borderline changes or abnormalities take 10-15 years to turn into cancer. And some changes go back to normal. Nothing to worry about. However, I hope that the hold doesn't hinder your chances of conception.

[Minchoo in reply to EmmaWills]

Hi Emma, thanks for your messages. I hope that the C word doesn’t happen. But in a short period of time from 33-35 I have had a lot a of changes! I am taking serrapeptase and trying to avoid stress and caffeine, meat and sugar where I can. The latter is difficult to avoid.

[kumkums]

Hi Minchoo,

Sorry for all you are going through. I so much love your optimism and positive outlook to the situation at hand.

I'm just writing to let you know that it might be difficult now, but there will be light at the end of the tunnel. I pray God blesses you with the desires of your heart.

[Minchoo in reply to kumkums]

Thank you Kumkums, that’s very sweet of you.

[genten]

Hi

You're dealing with so so much.

Never give up, I know things seem impossible but don't give up. Sounds to me like you really deserve the family you crave. Xx

[Minchoo in reply to genten]

Thank you genten, you made me really teary eyed. Bless you. I hope things are going well for you. If not I hope the do so.

[MereenPulvizjk]

Well, yes! Such a devastating period it is. So, yeah! I know how it goes. I've already wasted my 5 years as I've PCOS. Can't conceive naturally. Now, planned to undergo an IVF later this month abroad at a center in Kiev. So, yes! Anyway! Best wishes! I think yes an egg donation can be a great option for you to seek. So, yes! Wouldn't discourage! You're already an amazing person, glad to see you think for others too. Baby dust towards you.

[Minchoo in reply to MereenPulvizjk]

😘😘 and to you, best of luck. My friend had PCOS and 2 girls!! It can happen. ❤️

[Jenifer99]

Hi Minchoo ,

Just to say your not alone in this battle but to encourage you that our faith will see us through it all. Endometriosis is evil, same question I kept asking my self that if I had known, would have started having kids earlier than now in my late 30s. It all seemed very hard to achieve as my body is just falling but I still believe there is God up there who listens to His children. So definitely one day our joy will be complete. Best wishes xx

[Hidden]

Dear Minchoo

I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles. It’s so hard. I wonder how many of us would be in current position had we known that chasing our careers, putting babies/ family on hold would cause so much anguish? From my perspective I don’t think I could have done it differently. I’m not sure it’s wrong to try get our lives on track, be settled in our careers, relationships and financially ok-ish before being ready to take the plunge. Sometimes I think this is the hand life has dealt and other times I can’t help but cry at the unfairness of it all.

I don’t really know what to say to help you feel better apart from weep if you need to, be alone if it helps but just keep going, one step at a time, one day at a time. It’s so easy to get sucked into the negative what-if’s and feel really down and defeated. Take care of yourself xx

[123Jwp]

Hey there, don't be put off by donor eggs. I was 37 when I was told this was my only option. Had to loose 3/4 stone to meet the NHS BMI restriction.

But now currently 15 wks & going strong. (I got the eggs off a 20 something year old!!)

Granted I didn't have the complications you do.

But stay positive, you've got this!!