It’s been about 4 months since my surgery to sort out the PID issue I was having as a result of my ivf cycle. I was reading my clinic notes and I feel kind of hopeless. Not sure why my uterus has given up on me. I have adhesions, water ascites, adenomyosis, cysts on my ovaries and my tubes had hydrosalphinx- with possible endo (waiting on MRI result) and a confirmed frozen pelvis.
Not sure if I should go for another round of IVF but that was my plan. I am also considering donor eggs.
I just want one baby and will probably get it all removed before I get any other issues. I am just feeling a little sorry for myself. I am in my mid-30s and my body has given up on me already. I don’t drink, smoke, do drugs. I exercise but minimally and I guess I eat an okish diet, I am not overweight.
I have gained weight since marriage but going to hit the gym hard over these next few months. I shouldn’t have read my notes. But I was sorting out things with my previous clinic so I had to.
I do pray those who are lost right now, I do hope we find a way. Nature and life cannot be this cruel. I wish i had children earlier and not build on a career which tbh isn’t all that in comparison. Perhaps it is selfish to have kids, but it is something I wanted. I wanted to teach them and see them grow and be fulfilled. To be part of my husband and me. To see the product of our love. To laugh and embrace this short life. To make my parents and his happy. To make my children have purpose in life and drive and the ability to reach their dreams and goals. For my parents and his to have a reason to laugh and giggle. I see babies and I yearn for one. I never feel resentment towards those that have them. It’s a blessing. The only time I feel resentment is when a child is not loved properly. It’s funny how you overlook something until it is impossible to attain.
I still have faith. Regardless of everything. I hope nature finds a way.