Round 2 is on the horizon...wish I could be more excited and positive 😟

[Niki_B]

Hello ladies. I hope you all are keeping well.

Well I'm getting ready to start my 2nd and last funded round of IVF/ICSI when my next AF is due mid september. I'm doing everything I should be, me and OH taking supplements like coq10, losing a couple kgs, eating well, had my last glass of wine last week. I just wish I could be going into this more positive and happy....im scared shitless 😓 not of the needles, the blood tests, scans EC etc etc...just of it failing. This is our last funded round and in NZ it cost about 15k to fund a round privately and we just don't have that kind of money. I don't even really know what im trying to say really, just feel like I need to get this out. You ladies are all so lovely, and I may not comment on everyone's posts but I'm always here watching and wishing you loads of love and luck!

I just wish I could snap out of this funk and be more excited 😐💙

[Cinderella5]

Ahhh Niki, I think what you are feeling is totally normal! I am the same now when starting treatment....I think with a failure under our belts (Ive had a few) it does make you less excited. The fear of it not working takes over and all we feel is negativity! However just remember every cycle is different and you just never know. Im not looking forward to my next cycle and if Im honest I just want it out of the way but at the same time I always feel like "Ive got to be in it to win it"! Hopefully a little support from us lot and knowing that you're not the only one that feels like this will pick you up! Sending hugs and positive vibes....this could be the one!!xx

[Niki_B in reply to Cinderella5]

Thanks for your reply Cinderella. And I'm so very sorry for your recent loss 😢 it'ds just so heartbreaking isn't it and I've only been through one....i don't know how you ladies keep going and going you women really do amaze me you all are so very strong and brave. But your right we got to be in it to win it!! And gosh we want it bad don't we! 😓 and I guess what hasn't helped recently is going to visit a friends 21 year old daughters newborn baby boy...who obviously wasn't planned and just so easily happens for others it feels. But he is just perfect and OH gosh that smell..😓 I had a good outcome egg wise and fertilization wise they just didn't progress very well and only ended up with 1 good blast out of 11 fertilized. I just pray this time I get even just 1 frostie just in case! I remember being so positive about my first round....i don't think i realised just how devastating it was when it fails.

Well as they say, chin up and tits out!!! 😂 more like chin down and legs up 😂😂😂 hopefully by jabbing time ill be feeling a bit better 😁

Best of luck for your next round you amazing human being!!!! 😘😘😘😘

[Cinderella5 in reply to Niki_B]

Ha thanks Niki....not sure about being amazing, starting to think Im just bat shit crazy!! Loving the new saying chin down and legs up! Brilliant! Well there's one thing you havent lost your sense of humour even if you are feeling a little down.

I dont think that I realised how easily things can go tits up in a cycle once you have those magical eggs....I dont think you hear much about it and that was a killer for me!

Good for you for going to see the little one, who's the brave lady now!?! I love seeing babies for a cuddle but god its hard when you come away as you cant help but think "why is it not my turn" and yes you're right....that smell!😍

Hang on in there chick....hopefully we'll all get there!xx

[Niki_B in reply to Cinderella5]

Don't worry I'm defo bat shit crazy too lol and yes always got my sense of humour thank God for that silly bitch 🤣🤣🤣

Oh god tell me about I had all those eggs and I just couldn't understand. Yet I know another lady who at the same clinic I'm at 4 years ago get 5 eggs all crashed by day 3 except one...had that transferred on day day 3 and boom she's got her beautiful 4 year old now! I remember her saying holy crap hun your an egg ,machine you will have at least 2 or 3 to freeze for sure! Ummm no. Was just devastated and was just so angry at first to be honest. I only found this site after my failed cycle and just researched more about ivf and found out the odds are actually alot worse than I thought (at my age)

And we'll yes it was hard going to see them but they are a rather large family and me having no family in nz they are like a 2nd family and I love them all, so while it was hard there was and is alot of love there.

And yes hun chin down and legs up! At least were giving it a damn good go huh fingers bloody crossed for us 🤞🤞😘😘

[Cinderella5 in reply to Niki_B]

All of my embryos died on my first go after day 3 and it was so devastating, I was 38 too at that time! Hopefully the supplements will help your next cycle too, I found that my next cycles went better so there is always hope and you're right we're giving it a damn good try!xx

[Niki_B in reply to Cinderella5]

Oh gosh Cinderella that must have been devastating! I guess I should be lucky I made it as far as I did as I know some women don't even get to transfer 😟 yes fingers crossed I have a better outcome, but that's how this whole thing goes we just don't know and 1 day at a time! Xx

[LegoBatgirl]

Best of luck with your treatment, keeping my fingers crossed for you x

[Niki_B in reply to LegoBatgirl]

Thanks so much hun and I wish you the same on your journey xx

[LegoBatgirl in reply to Niki_B]

Thanks, so far it's just been a lot of waiting. Can't actually start my first round til October but this forum has helped me learn so much, I feel pretty prepared x

[Niki_B in reply to LegoBatgirl]

Oh that's awesome not long now. And yes I unfortunately found this site after my first failed round so am so glad I have all these amazing ladies now. You'll do great xxx

[LegoBatgirl in reply to Niki_B]

I'm trying to take the advice of this forum and treat the first round like it's more diagnostic tests - it'll help me learn more about my body and how to make it work the next time x

[Niki_B in reply to LegoBatgirl]

To be honest hun my next round they are not changing a thing! They said I responded to the drugs perfectly, I had good amount of eggs/follicles and will be on the exact same dose of meds as the first time. Sometimes I think it's just luck of the draw. You never know hun you may be one of the lucky ones who falls pregnant the first go! Alot of women do 😁 xx

[LegoBatgirl in reply to Niki_B]

I can hope so but I really don't want to get my hopes up too much. I think I have to be sensible about the odds and realistic to keep my hubby grounded. He has a v. low count and that's why we need ICSI (or any IVF) and I think he'd be devastated if it failed. I just need to keep reminding him that it's only 1 in 3 and not to start to worry until after we've had at least 3 goes x

[Niki_B in reply to LegoBatgirl]

That's a really good way to look at it hun. Wish I had done that! I wish you all the very best and best of luck on your first round xxxx

[LegoBatgirl in reply to Niki_B]

Thanks and best of luck with your 2nd x

[missbrightside]

Hi nikib1980, I can completely relate to how you are feeling. I have had two failed IVF/ICSI cycles and am about to embark on my last cycle. As delighted as I am that we get to have one more go, the fear around it being our last chance is impossible to avoid. That said, the best way I have found to deal with it, is to just take things day by day. None of us can predict what will happen, but by taking it one day at a time, the process seems less overwhelming. It is tough to keep calm and stay positive especially when you have had a bad experience, but be kind to yourself- what you are feeling is completely normal. I have also found an IVF mindfulness app has helped me to feel more prepared for our next cycle. All the best of luck.

[Niki_B in reply to missbrightside]

Yes it's not easy is it. Well 3rd time lucky for you then aye hun! It's gonna be your time....and hopefully mine! Yes definately how I look at it 1 day at a time...and look today I'm feeling positive and ready to go! Our emotions are just all over the place aye from 1 day to the next. Yes I've just downloaded the mindful ivf app and will check it out thank you. Well let me know how your getting on with your next cycle I'm sure you ladies will be hearing alot from me very shortly! I wish you all the best and luck in the world for your next cycle xxx

[missbrightside]

Thank you, sending you love and strength. It's reassuring to know that we are not alone. All the best of luck x

[Mifkipi]

Hi Nikib, best of luck! I'm starting my 2nd FET too and can completely relate. I'm hoping that because my expectations and excitement are lower then it will make me less stress? Anyhow I do wish that this will be our time x

[Niki_B]

Yes I thought the 2nd time might be a bit easier as we know what to expect....umm nope! Lol. I'm actually struggling a bit right now emotionally, I've been feeling really snappy and angry..then sad...then thinking to just throw in the towel and go down 2 bottles of wine!! Gosh I'm a mess and haven't even started! 😟 thank you tho hun yes I really hope this is our time x when do you start? Xxx