Feeling empty and antisocial πŸ˜”

Hi ladies I'm sure this is normal and I know it's early days after our chemical pregnancy last week but I'm just feeling like I'm not going to bounce back from this loss like I have from the other failures (never straight away obviously) I think before I've always had hope and a plan for what was next but now I'm struggling to conjure up any hope, 4 cycles and only a very very brief pregnancy will do that to you I guess..

I'm also feeling like I just don't want to see anyone except my hubby, is thst normal? We've been away this weekend but when we get home today I'm worried about someone popping round or bumping into someone in the supermarket, what's all that about? I'm usually quite social but I feel fearful and just can't put the face on I usually do.

It's hard to know when to say enoughs enough, after 4 cycles is it realistically going to happen for us? I'm sure there is an implantation issue with me, probably because of my endometriosis but I've read conflicting information on treatments for that and I just don't know if I have the energy to go down another avenue with enough hope that things could be different this time. We could probably only afford one more cycle as well, and I'm worried that will just be a waste of money that we really could do with spending on our house etc.

Any words of wisdom/a big slap in the face with a positive batton welcome 😳 Xx

46 Replies

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  • So sorry you aren't doing too well at the moment, but don't beat yourself up about it xx You are going through a massively challenging time, a very sad one, and need to take the time to reconcile your feelings which are perfectly natural.

    If you want to hibernate from people, do so. You shouldn't feel like you have to be a certain way and if the thought of socialising freaks you out a bit, then take the time you need to process things with your husband's support.

    I for one admire your sheer determination and guts. 4 cycles are punishing in their own way and you are obviously a special person for doggedly carrying on. Should you try one more time? You will probably know the answer to this in time but do give yourself the space to grieve your loss properly...it takes as long as it takes.

    Sending you hugs xx

  • Thanks so much for your lovely reply CountryCat, I think all this makes you lose a lot of confidence but you're right I have doggedly persevered and I hope that returns once I'm out the other side of this period 😘 Xx

  • One of my favourite quotes by ex American President, Calvin Coolidge:

    Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan Press On! has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.

    😘

  • That's lovely, I've never heard that. Thank you xxx

  • Totally normal. I felt like stopping at home with my OH and not seeing anyone, not leaving the house, just being in our own little bubble where I felt protected and safe. And that's how it was for a week or two after we lost the baby. But I had to go back to reality at some point xx

  • Nice to know it's normal Hun, sure I'll feel better as the week goes on. It's just unusual for me to feel this way so freaked me out a bit. Hope you're ok, how's the new bunny? ❀️ Xx

  • I'm ok. It will get easier I promise, every day a little bit more...

    We don't have him home yet; another 2-3 weeks to go as he's too young until 8 weeks xx

  • 😘I feel silly really as it wasn't even a 'real' miscarriage compared to what some of you ladies have been through, I feel like I shouldn't feel this bad πŸ˜•

  • Oh sorry I just realised you won't have it at home yet xx

  • That's ok 😊 xx

  • Aww big hugs and I think it is natural to want to hide away and not see anyone whilst everything is so raw and just being with your hubby as you can support each other.

    I know how you feel as this is my 5th cycle and I am so scared of it doesn't work what we will do next, we are both happy with the idea of adoption etc but would equally love this to be our turn.

    I would just relax takes things day by day and don't make any rational decisions until your feeling more like yourself.

    Thinking of you and sending lots of love πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•

  • Thanks so much button, it's nice to know it's normal..it's just surprised me as I have some lovely family & friends who care deeply for us so I don't know why I feel this way πŸ˜•

    I really hope it's your time, there's no doubt you deserve it Hun. We definitely haven't ruled adoption out but we do have to have more discussions on that, you just always have that hope that you won't need to don't you. Everything crossed for you, 5th time lucky πŸ™πŸ» Xxx

  • So many of the feelings you described remind me of my loss, you have to go through the motions and deal with things how you feel right. I felt the same dread of seeing people but I also felt I needed to do it as soon as possible to get it out the way and then I could concentrate on grieving. I lent on my husband and asked him never to leave my side when we met people then I made sure I set time aside to just feel sad! I think the most important thing is not not waste any of your energy worrying about seeing people etc and just concentrate on you.

    I really hope time is a healer for you, thinking of you x

  • Thanks so much hun, it's so helpful to know what I'm feeling is normal. I think I'll be doing the same with my hubby, have him glued to my side which he's more than happy to do, we're very lucky to have that.

    I just feel a bit silly because some of you lovely ladies have had it so much worse than me, mine was only a chemical pregnancy, not a 'real' miscarriage like yourself and others have very sadly experienced..I feel like I shouldn't feel this bad πŸ˜• Xx

  • Hey! Stop that! What you're going through hurts! You deserve to grieve. You can't compare grief as to who's should be greater. A loss is a loss. You still had hopes and dreams taken away the same as us ladies who've miscarried xx

  • Thanks Hun xx

  • It was real! Don't ever feel it wasn't, a loss or failed cycle is a loss no matter how far you are, you've still made plans for that baby in the future! You can't compare yourself to anyone and it's ok to feel sad x

  • Thank you Hun 😘 Xx

  • Hi Georgina78, I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling so down.

    I haven't got any words of wisdom for you, I just wanted to let you know that you are absolutely not alone, and that what you're feeling sounds absolutely normal and reasonable to me.

    Take a break, if you can. IVF & ICSI are so draining - 2 unsuccessful back-to-back cycles have really knocked me sideways - and you prob feel desperately in need of some time to just rest and regroup a bit. Have you got anyone close-by - apart from your husband - you feel safe enough to relax with?

    H xxx

  • Thanks helsroo, it's so nice to know I'm not alone and my feelings are normal. So sorry to hear you've been knocked so much too πŸ˜”

    I do have lots of people close that really care, I think that's what's thrown me so much about feeling this way.. I don't know if I just feel 'safer' being so raw with my hubby because he's obviously the closest to me or because he's seen it all throughout this journey and totally gets it in a way that others try but just can't if they haven't been through it. I also probably try to spare others from the full pain of it but I should probably just be honest with them, it's so tricky isn't it! Thank you for the support and I hope you're ok xxx

  • Sorry you're feeling so bad Georgina think you've just got to go with your gut and do what feels right for you. Sounds a dreadful clichΓ© but you probably just need time xx

  • Thanks katya, you're right. Time has certainly been key in the past and I've no doubt it will again xxx

  • Everything yours describing sounds completely normal to me, your grieving for your baby and for the losses from your cycles which every time

    Is another knock to your confidence. Take the time you need, if that's just being your husband then just be you've got to do what's right for you, don't beat yourself up xx

  • Thanks so much, so reassuring to know it's all normal xx

  • Sorry your feeling this way Georgina but it is completely normal and also completely understandable.

    Your hubby is right with you and you are a wee team so it's natural you just want to be with him.

    I know I felt that way and with my last failed which was my 4th too I couldn't even answer the phone to my friends or family which made me feel guilty because as you say they care so much.

    I also now am actually sick of talking about it as I feel like I am up and down and I am dragging my friends through it too.

    You need to go for your follow up appointment and take some time to discover what you want to do next.

    My clinic told me to stop with my own eggs which was the biggest blow at the time but I am glad they have done that as I have had to accept it.

    I really hope you start to feel better soon and don't worry about being withdrawn xx

  • Thank you Hun, so relieved to hear it's not abnormal to feel this way. I'm the same about calls and since Friday I've only been able to handle texts. This is so unlike me but I am going to face people this week, whilst going at my own pace.

    You're right about my hubby, if there is one positive thing that's come from this journey it's that we are stronger than ever and that's a real blessing. I already knew he was a good man but all this has made me love him even more! Every cloud hey ❀️

    Thank you for the support xxx

  • I totally get how you feel. I felt the very same. You are one brave lady to have got this far please remember that. This process is like grief regardless of how far or not you get on it. Above all prioritise yourself and if that means hibernating then do so..good friends and family will understand that. Do what is right for you. Sending you one huge huge hug xxxx

  • Thanks so much vic, that's a lovely message 😘 It is definitely a form of grief isn't it, I guess time is key xx

  • Hi Georgina, I do adore all your efforts and being so brave to go through 4 cycles. Ladies like you are my heroes. I would say do not rush into making decisions now; I know we all want to find final solutions for our infertility issues either sort them out or forget them forever, but give yourself some time. You've done so much and gone through a lot up to now. Rest for a bit, then think about all of your options and rise again my lovely hero and build up the next stage of your life πŸ‘ŠπŸ» Wish you all the best x

  • Aw thank you so much Sherry, that's such a lovely thing to say. It's funny because others say 'you're so brave' yet you don't feel it, in fact you wonder if it's actually fear that drives you!

    Yes we're definitely going to have a break, we're hoping to see the doctor soon, see what he has to say about if there's any point continuing but then make our own decision and take some time out to do that and try not to think about it at all too. Thank you xxx

  • Wish you all the best, looking forward to hearing from you letting us know about your decision πŸ™x

  • Thanks Sherry,I'll definitely update when we've finally come to our conclusion, just not rushing it at the moment, my head is battered! Xx

  • Everything u r feeling is so normal & if u want to be alone with your husband for a while then do it! U need some time to heal & please don't belittle what uv been thru Hun-this is our hopes & dreams so no matter what, any loss is devastating.Xxx

  • Thanks Hun, so nice to know I'm normal! You're right, a loss is a loss, I just felt like it was never even there for that long so why should I be so upset but I now see that's normal too. It's the loss of all our hopes & sadness after everything we've been through to even get that far. Thanks for your support, I hope you're ok xxx

  • Hi Georgina, I am so sorry you are not having a good time :( Firstly none of this is your fault...you are so brave to have gone through 4 cycles. Take some time out and recharge, there was a lady on the site that had 10 IVF treatments and finally got pregant on her 10th go. I know this isnt possiable to keep having treatment as it is so expensive!! But dont give up hope. Maybe speak to your consulnant and see what they recommend.

    Sending big hugs xxxxxxx

  • Thanks Hun, yes we're definitely going to speak to the consultant. He's also an endometriosis specialist so I'm hoping he can answer some questions about possible implantation issues or recommend something.

    Hope your cycle is going ok xx

  • I am ok hun, I had my transfer yesterday but my husband and I don't feel hopeful now. I don't know why but I need to stop feeling like this!!! I was reading online that sometimes after failed cycles they do look at implantation issues so you are heading in the right direction. Hopefully they will be able to help. I still have 2 weeks until test day...argh....also I suffer from endometriosis so I feel your pain xxx

  • Aw try not to feel negative, easier said than done I know but there's absolutely hope for you. Endo sucks doesn't it, just another thing to deal with on top of infertility. I've had a big flare up since my chemical pregnancy last week 😒 I hate it xx

  • Hi sorry didn't work this time. I had my first off and it failed. I feel so emotional at moment. My friend gets married this sat and I can't go. To much. Plus once she back from her honey moon going start trying she younger then me. Iam 41 now. Only met my partner few years ago. Wasn't lucky with me. So have wait until my next appointment if nhs will let me have other go. They said because off My age don't Get enough eggs. So had injections. Everything was fine. Dodnt have to up my injections. Got to good eggs. Transfer in after 5 days. But just woodnt settle. That what hard more. Hospital was happy with us. How it going. Then stared bleed week after transfer. πŸ˜” hospital said carry on taking my multivitamins. Wait until next appointment. Only thing going to take down is my period. Not going use app when Iam only ovulation. Drink pomegranate juice. That it. πŸ¦„πŸ¦„πŸ¦„πŸ¦„πŸ¦„πŸ¦„πŸ¦„πŸ¦„β˜˜β˜˜πŸ€πŸ€πŸ€πŸ€

  • So sorry to hear you're struggling too, we're all here for each other xx

  • Hey G, just want to say you are an incredible lady. I don't blame you one bit for wanting some quiet time to get yourself together. After my third miscarriage I carried on as normal and it really messed my head up for a while. This time I took a week off and felt better for it.

    I hate the term 'chemical pregnancy'... it makes you feel as you said like it's not a 'real' miscarriage... fact is you got a positive pregnancy test and you're mourning the loss of what could have been.

    I have severe endo and doctor said it could be interfering on a chemical level with implantation. I'm also off to Warwick Implantation clinic next month for Uterine NK Cells testing. You can self refer there and it costs Β£540, they do one biopsy after you ovulate (easier said than done when you have endo I know) then they do one the following month. Message me if you want the details lovely xxxx

  • Aw thank you sprinkles 😘 You're right, I think you just have got do what feels right don't you.

    I also hate that term, my hubby told his family that's what has happened and I don't think they grasp that it is a loss, albeit a very early one. It just sounds so clinical πŸ˜”

    Thanks for the info, it's something we need to think about..I'm just wary of going down another route full of hope that it will be the answer this time, in case it only ends the same way. I know it's still raw though and I might not feel that way once I start feeling more myself again. The doctor I saw also said endo could prebent implantation because it's an inflammatory condition. We'd all hoped the prostap I'd been on for 3 months prior to this cycle would be key but obviously that wasn't enough 😒 We'll see, I'm just not up to making any final decisions right now!

    😘 xx

  • Completely understand lovely, everything is so raw for you right now. Take some time and you'll come back fighting, I just know it. We are all here for you anytime xxxxxx

  • 😘

  • I'm so sorry. My heart breaks reading what you wrote as I know how you feel. I only feel 'safe' with hubby and just don't feel like socialising at all. I love to lock the door on my evening and put pj's on and know the world is on the outside.... as a person who never had anxiety issues.. I'm anxious beyond belief. The toll it has taken on my mental health and my life is unreal. So I don't have any words of wisdom but that I think it's normal because of the situation..... so don't beat yourself up! If I find a magic answer to fix it i will let you know. Bug hugs xxx

  • Hey Georgina - how you are feeling in terms of being fearful, anxious, just wanting home and hubby is totally normal and exactly how I felt after our multicycle (3 continuous cycles), pregnancy and miscarriage - I didn't see anyone for 3 whole weeks, was signed off work, in fact a good friend texted to see if I just fancied a coffee and some support and I sobbed and sobbed because it was a nice, normal offer but I actually couldn't bear to see her or anyone. My mother and father in law came up for a pre-arranged visit after 3 weeks and that forced me out of myself and I actually felt better after. But please don't feel bad about needing to hibernate right now. There'll come a time when you think, right I'm going to do such & such even though I don't really fancy it because it'll do me good, but right now just take all the time and space you need to grieve. I think we shy away from socialising at such times because it would require putting on such a massively brave face, which would take so much more out of us when we're already using absolutely all our energy just to get through the day without crying and trying to be as normal as we can, it's exhausting, and having to face others is just extra pressure and takes additional energy that we just don't have. I didn't want to see people and keep crying in front of them but also didn't want to see them and put on a facade of cheerfulness, so I just watched loads of boxsets, spent time with hubby, cuddled my cats, did whatever I needed to... All I can say is everything passes/changes eventually, you don't ever forget and a sadness is always there but it gets somehow more manageable with time. But for now let yourself feel your bereavement as repressing it won't help you process it, your feelings are completely understandable and normal and do whatever you need to to relieve pressure on yourself, and if that's cosying up away from the world for a while that's totally fine πŸ’ž Big hugs xx

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