Found myself welling up in a meeting today... no one noticed but I got really upset. The person chairing the meeting started commenting on this lady's baby and saying 'who do you think he looks like?' I know people see what they want to see and even when I use donor eggs I may still get comments about the baby possibly looking like me. But what if I don't? What if no one ever says anything like that too me, or if they do how do I respond without getting upset and what do I say??
Having a teary evening and feeling a bit low x
Written by
Hope4usall
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
I'm sorry you're feeling so upset, there are so many comments that people make on a day to day basis that trigger such hard emotions aren't there. I work in a school and sometimes can't face the staffroom if I'm feeling particularly vulnerable. I too am using donor eggs and sometimes this thought comes into my head too, but I'm guessing and this will be for you too when our babies finally arrive, the ones we have fought so hard to get, we will have so much unconditional love for them that nothing else will matter! Big hugs to you and here if you need a chat X
Oh lovely, sorry you’re feeling low. People say all sorts of stuff without thinking. I took my friends 6 month old baby out for the day - just to some shops and a coffee shop - and was bombarded by people stopping to look at her and commenting on how she had my eyes, nose ect - admittedly I loved it and totally played along
It really doesn’t matter what people say, and you can figure out how to respond at the time, the baby will be part of you, it and that’s really all that matters.
You playing along when people commented on the baby looking like you made me smile 👍 yeah people don't think.Even people in my office who know i'm having IVF say insensitive things. I think when you haven't been through it yourself you have no idea what we all go through. xx
I readily admit I had no idea how difficult IVF would be and just assumed it was a fairly straightforward medical procedure/sure thing. Clueless. You’re right - you kinda need to be in it to see it. Hope you’re doing ok xx
I look at my 6 week old DE son and just melt I could care less if he came from another planet! He’s mine and I made him in my tummy he looks at me and smiles at his mummy unconditionally. Some people’s children don’t look like their parents from natural conceptions. Our little boy doesn’t really look like any of us but his dimple I’m claiming to be from me 😍
aw thats lovely. Congratulations on your little boy!! Did you struggle in your pregnancy at all, or did you feel a bond quite soon? Hope you don't mind me asking xx
When you move to donor, you do grieve and it sounds like you're still in that process. But others have commented here, once your little baby is growing inside you and you give birth, all these thoughts, like what if they don't look like me, etc are completely forgotten about.
For us counselling was key, it also made me feel, what did I prefer, my wife never giving birth to baby or using a donor egg and going through the miracle of pregnancy and giving birth, it was a no brainer, but you need space to accept this, only time and counselling can do this, in my opinion.
I am looking at donor egg ivf with my new (3yrs) partner due to my age and his poor fertility. I really wouldn't worry about the baby not looking like you, I have 3 grown children from my previous marriage, and all 3 lol like their dad. When my daughter was at primary school she was always one of the last to be let out as the teachers couldn't see any likeness to me, yet when her dad picked her up she was one of the first out.
My friend has adopted and people who don’t know say they look like her, I take my nephew out with my bf people think he’s my bf child as they have the same hair colour. My children look nothing like me my eldest thinks she’s adopted or was swopped at birth she has blonde hair & blue/green eyes my other child has chestnut hair, brown eyes and freckles where I’m 1/2 Chinese/white and dark hair and eyes. I wouldn’t worry.
There is no guarantee the baby will look like you even with your own eggs - my best friend had a little boy and he just looks like the dad! White blonde and she has black hair!
People just say things without thinking.
They will have so much of you from bringing them up.
Yes the previous ladies are right. It’s definitely Nurture over Nature on this one. Even adopted children end up looking like each other, when they are completely unrelated. They just ‘evolve’ like the family that raise them. I have a colleague in her 50s and I’ve only just found out her sister was adopted. There’s five years between them, and if I didn’t know that, I would have said they were unidenticle twins! Same hair, eyes physique and personality. It takes a great deal to create this wonderful word ‘family’ and genes are a very very small part of that. If you plant sunflower seed in your garden, water it and watch it grow into something beautiful. That flower belongs to your family home, no one else in the street! 💕
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Insensitivity never ceases to amaze!
Another day another dollar! 
Rubbish day! Fertility, HSG
Injecting at work.
lost baby at 17wks+3 days
