Hi everyone - firstly wishing you all so many peaceful and positive things for the new year 💕
Need a bit of a rant today about insensitive comments. Sorry in advance for moaning but I hope it’s ok to share. My 5 month pregnant close friend, age 43, never wanted children until recently deciding to ‘have a go and see what happens’ (and bingo!) and fully knows my entire journey of failed ivf cycles, miscarriage and ensuing stress and sadness:
1. shows me scan photos when she tells me her news (she asked if I wanted to see them, but with an excited smile, how could I say no?)
2. When I texted that I need a little time to myself as it’s a bit too painful to be around pregnancies and babies just now she said she’d ‘cover her baby bump with lots of layers’ so I couldn’t see it and kept mentioning meeting up (I know we miss each other but pressuring me isn’t helping).
3. By way of background for this comment - I’m prone to colds and sinusitis and a doc once told me it’s because I have narrow tubes, which I’ve laughed about with my friend. However, I sent an honest message after she told me she was pregnant which said I was so pleased for her but explained (again!) my sadness over my infertility, miscarriage etc and said I feel like Mother Nature must be punishing me and she joked ‘it’ll be your narrow tubes.’ I still can’t actually believe she thought it ok to make any kind of joke about my inability to get pregnant...
4. She messaged me saying ‘please try not to be upset about the (her) baby.’ I had to send a lengthy message back explaining how I spend all day, every day ‘trying not to be upset’ in general about babies, pregnancies, infertility, my miscarriage... she’s seen my devastation in the past, I’m obviously in a constant battle against being upset and she knows I see a fertility counsellor! As if I have any choice in being upset anyway, my emotions are not in my control - if all any of us had to do was ‘try not to’ be upset and we simply wouldn’t be, ivf would be quite a different experience!
*Sigh* I know she doesn’t mean to hurt me, but I’m realising that unfortunately she’s not at all tactful or understanding and I don’t need that at the moment, so am having to avoid seeing her. Other people who know a lot less about my journey than she does manage to be sensitive, so she’s no excuse really. I just want to be around people who don’t make me feel worse than I already do.. thanks for listening folks 💕 xx