Oh ladies.... I plucked up the courage to create a whatsapp group & put all my girlfriends on it & basically said, look this is my journey so far, I'm exhausted & not feeling good at the mo. And to ask for them to not send me any scan pics / baby pics / kids of pics or even talk about their kids without me asking first (as I feel its being rammed down my throat a lot lately)
I got some absolutely wonderful messages from the girls that have blown me away.
But my best friend called me to say she doesn't want to see me or meet up with me any time soon because all she wants to talk about is her daughter.
I understand I've hurt her feelings, but she hasn't acknowledged that she's inadvertently hurt *my* feelings for months with sending me pic after pic of her little one.
Can't believe the girl closest to me is now not going to be supporting me, especially when I've been there for her for over 15 years.
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Joanna1701
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Firstly well done for being so brave and sharing your journey with your friends and speaking out about how you're feeling, it's not an easy thing to do!! I'm glad to hear that you are being supported by some of your friends. Unfortunately we don't always get support from some of the ones we expect. Sad times but you've done nothing wrong and if your friend wants to behave like a child then let her. Sometimes you just have to cut people off if they can't be supportive. It's a tough enough journey without having to justify yourself to others. Take support from the ones that you can and sod everyone else....time to concentrate on yourself and what you need!! Big hugs xx
Exactly! Your friend may come back to you once she has some time to think about what she's said but try not to dwell on her too much for now. This is your time!!xx
Yea I think I'm just going to concentrate on moving forward with next tests etc. And I'm lucky enough to have some other lovely girls around me that I can rely on for added support (as well as the other half!) xx
I think you have absolutely done the right thing. Without knowing your friend it sounds like she has never been in this situation so while I get its hard to understand, she could show some empathy. You don't need the added stress right now, you just need to focus on yourself. It's not selfish just a bit of much needed self preservation xxx
Thank you Laura. Yes, you're right she's not been through it before. She was TTC for a year but was in a really stressful job. As soon as she left that job & joined another one she was pregnant within a month! And she sailed through her pregnancy & birth & her daughter sleeps through the night so I think she just is a bit blinded by how "perfect" her life is which is a bit sad when I just wanted a little bit of my best mates support xxx
Well done for being brave and protecting yourself. Last year I had two friends one had a baby and the other got pregnant.
I asked the one who had a baby to stop sending me baby pics every hour. I told them it was just so insensitive and i was glad for them but they should what for me to ask for pics.
The one who got a pregnant thought the news is their pregnancy would cheer me up after i told them I had another failed cycle. I asked how exactly their pregnancy news was meant to cheer me up. 😰well i did give a piece of my mind and they got the message and left me alone for a while till I asked about the pregnancy some weeks later.
Most people don't know their behaviour is insensitive but bless the ones who understand when you point it out to them.
You did well.she will come around. Make your well-being a priority right now.
Thank you sweet, it's hard isn't it sometimes to just get people to think about things from your perspective.
Lol I totally know what you mean about people telling you about their pregnancy news when we're going through something so monumental, and not out of our own choice!
😔 the friends and family who know about my IVF do still talk about their children. They send photos of their gorgeous little faces but also ask me how I’m doing. I love having their support. And although it makes me sad and makes me cry in my low days, I can see the love they have for their beautiful children - they are the single most important thing in their lives and it is only natural that they talk about them - they are everything to them in their world.
It is great that you’ve been able to tell your friends - be brave and try to accept that there will be conversations and photos which make you sad. The trade off is that you have a support network around you who care about how you are feeling.
This is a huge milestone for you and you should be proud, you've done something very brave and honest despite that it might have back fired (with ppl that don't have empathy skills) big hugs my love for getting your story out there 💗🤗😘
I'm sorry regards your best friend but some times we need things like this to happen for us to actually learn what kind of people these are and to me it sounds like she's a big taker and she's had your support for 15 years why cant she support you around your most needed time, I'm sorry but I think your better of without, the other ladies that have completely understood are the kind of ppl you want to be surrounded by, not selfish ones that what it all about me and mine. You did what's right for you and you deserve the love and respect you put out there if ppl can't give it back leave them to their sad all about me lives. Big hugs again hun
you're right, I think this has made me realise who my real friends are & that those are the people I can now trust going forward with whatever happens next with this journey.
If there's one thing iv learnt in life is you find out who your real ppl are family or friends in your times of need if they can't be there then. When your happier times arrive they don't deserve to be there then.
Well done for being so brave, it’s not an easy conversation to have but we have to do what’s right for us!
Sorry to hear one of your friends haven’t been supportive, unfortunately some people will just never understand or aren’t even willing to try and understand and just think about how they feel.
Hopefully she’ll think about it and realise she should be offering you support and respecting your wishes at such a hard time, if she doesn’t then she’s not worth having in your life. You need people who will support you at this time, so keep those friends close 🙂 xxx
You're right, I think some people just don't put themselves in your shoes for just a minute to realise that their friends are going through something horrid & just need a bit of tact or support xxx
You should be proud of yourself for being so brave and I’m so glad most of your friends were so supportive but I think your best friend is being totally selfish tbh. I know not everyone understands this journey but you’ve tried to be as open as possible. Concentrate on the ones who do want to support you, unfortunately we learn some friendships only work when it’s working their way xx
ahhhh well done to you. like the other girls have said, that took such courage and it’s wonderful you’ve had support from most.
what a shame your supposed best friend has turned out so self centered, so disappointing, but she will most certainly feel the loss of your friendship. this journey certainly helps us figure out who truly cares about us.
wish i’d been so brave, i’d been in a whatsapp group for years with my 8 uni friends and reached saturation point with their photos and removed myself from the group a few years ago. i miss the contact but it was just too much.
I was just so shocked but I'm just going to try to focus on next steps of this journey.
Oh bless you, it's horrible when you have to extract yourself from a situation isn't it.
I so hope you can get into contact with them again; when YOU are ready to xo
How boring that all she wants to talk about is her daughter. My friends never talk about their children all the time, never have.
I'm sorry she's not responded more positively to your news but it's great that you have support from others.
Unfortunately people take things very personally when it comes to their children, especially when they don't understand the emotions of infertility. Imagine if she didn't have a daughter to talk about - I wonder she'd feel.
this is I think the hardest part of this journey. I think most woman on here will have some story about issues with friends. currently my closest friend is also being very unsupportive and difficult which has hurt me more than anything. it is so so hard and I think it is hard to forgive when as you say you have been there for her. it is often a lack of understanding and I am so glad in some way they don't understand as I wouldn't wish this on anyone however a little compassion would go a long way. my advice is sorround yourself with those that support you and distance yourself from those who make you feel sad ...prioritise you xxxx
Thank you Vic, you're right, it's weirdly nice to have all you lovely ladies on here that do understand & have gone through the same things regarding issues with friends just not being very compassionate.
I hope both of our friends see some sense one day & realise we aren't being deliberately offensive to them but we need some support xxx
You did the right thing. She did not. She sounds like she is a “taker”, the type of friend that takes support but doesn’t give it. If you hadn’t said anything then she still would have been bombarding you with photos and that would be worse. You have much better friends who have something to give. Don’t waste any more sadness on her because, frankly, she doesn’t deserve it.
Thank you Lizzie, it's so odd as normally she's a giver (sounds wrong wahey lol) so I'm a bit taken aback by the reaction. But like you said, I have better friends that can offer me the support I need right now
In which case I’m sure she will come round. I think it is probably a case of least said, soonest mended now... don’t get drawn into an argument and eventually it will become water under the bridge I hope. 💜
You absolutely did the right thing. I’m heartened to hear some of your friends have been amazing. Unfortunately we all seem to get that one friend that takes it personally. No matter how hard I’ve tried I just can’t put myself in their shoes, they have children but they’re the ones acting hurt. Then again it probably works both ways, they can’t put themselves in our shoes either. They can’t seem to understand how heartbreaking and difficult our struggles are. I would give this friend some distance for a while. If she was a true friend then she’ll make amends at some point. Atm you don’t need that negativity xx
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