Advice - visiting friend with new baby

[Rollercoastersmiles]

Hi all,

I was just hoping for a bit of advice here. I’m off to visit a really good friend today who had a baby last week and really struggling with my emotions about it. I’m currently prepping for a medicated FET cycle and on the oestrogen portion of events and just feeling a bit vulnerable. It’s been pretty awkward during her pregnancy between us as she started trying and got pregnant almost immediately after I told her about our issues and doing IVF. I just feel like I’ve been a bit of a shit friend and really just want to make her feel special today without sacrificing my mental health!

Any tips about this would be massively appreciated!

[Westcoastwestie]

I saw my friend the day I had my FET. The thing is, I love my mate so much that her happiness over rode anything else I could feel. I was just bursting with happiness for her and to meet him.

I found it much harder to be positive about pregnancies with people who I have less attachment to. I was either indifferent or upset.

Hopefully you will just be so happy for her that the rest is not important.

You have your FET planned. It’s exciting and she will be excited for you.

I imagine your friend feels discomfort about how this has played out. Go, take some snacks and laugh with her. From what friends have said they just needed to see people who made them feel like themselves.

[Rollercoastersmiles in reply to Westcoastwestie]

Thank you! I’m hoping it’ll be fine when I get there too! I’m just feeling apprehensive! Snacks are a great tip! She’s a great cake fan!

[Westcoastwestie in reply to Rollercoastersmiles]

If it gets to much remember there is always the classic excuse to leave because you want her to be able to get a nap/ food/ shower (pick what works) or you have to get back for… it will be ok. It’s just getting there. Once you are there hopefully you will be to in the moment of seeing your friend to think about the rest.

[Rollercoastersmiles in reply to Westcoastwestie]

Thank you!!

[Millbanks]

I had a very similar situation - my friend literally got pregnant the first time they had sex and told me when she found out. She felt so bad she just cried down the phone, it was a total mess 😫😭 And I felt awful that my situation had robbed her of the happiness she felt….

When she had the baby I visited and I was really anxious before hand, but as soon as I saw her we both burst in to tears, for so many different reasons but it was such a relief.

It was incredible how happy I felt for her given my own circumstances (just had my 5th failed FET)…. But she was so understanding it actually brought us closer together I think.

I know it’s hard, but try and go in to it with an open mind. You love her and she loves you, it’ll be ok xxx

[Rollercoastersmiles in reply to Millbanks]

Thank you! I’m hoping this is how it will be for us too but like you said, pretty anxious about it this morning!

[Millbanks in reply to Rollercoastersmiles]

It’s such a mess of emotions - but it felt so good to get it all out .Good luck!

[Rollercoastersmiles in reply to Millbanks]

Thanks. And congratulations on your pregnancy! Massive luck for your last few weeks 😍😍😍

[Millbanks in reply to Rollercoastersmiles]

Aw thank you! ❤️❤️❤️

[Lotus3]

I faced a similar situation too. I found an old friend in one of my appointments for IVF and unexpectedly she was also undergoing an IVF cycle. At the beginning I was happy to have one of my friends sharing the same journey but things went awkward when she completed her cycle and got pregnant but mine failed. The moment she shared the news of her pregnancy was somehow awkward but I felt happy for her despite everything, as I didn’t want her to be disappointed too.

Thanks for sharing and wish you the best of luck. 🌷

[Rollercoastersmiles in reply to Lotus3]

Thanks for this. It was exactly as the previous replies said. I was anxious before I went, but when I got there it was great to see my friend and her new baby. Nothing but pure happiness!

[PrincessGurn1984]

This moto I came across has really helped in this exact same situation. I now keep it saved as a favourite image if I ever feel a wobble coming on I glance at it. And it’s really true too, it does keep me feeling balanced x

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[Rollercoastersmiles in reply to PrincessGurn1984]

Thanks for this! Screenshotted and saved in my phone!

[BecsRLofty]

It’s easy to say but hard to do…. However I would channel your energy into celebrating her success. It doesn’t stop it hurting but it will remove any chance of ruining a friendship too. That’s not what you’d ever want. I’ve been through 6.5 years of treatments but managed to get pregnant so I have felt a range of emotions during that time. Finding the strength to be happy for others is one of the toughest things to do but she will be so grateful for your support, friendship and honesty. Having a baby is a miracle but also not a walk in the park. She will need her friends for the hard times too. Good luck and stay strong.