Telling my friend about pregnancy - advice

Hey Guys,

A bit weird to be posting about this from the other side - but as some of you know we had a BFP after our failed IVF.

Nobody - not even friends or family (beside 2 super close female friends) know that we had IVF.

A good friend of mine confided in me years ago that she had discussed trying for a baby with her partner and in the years gone by she has never announced a pregnancy. She is quite closed off emotionally so I never asked her as didn't want her to feel uncomfortable and know we didn't tell anyone we were trying either so as to keep the pressure off.

So now I am due to see her and I will have to tell her I am pregnant....I am nervous about it and afraid if she has been struggling for these years to have a baby how she will feel.

She lives in my home country and know she would not have access to IVF and could not afford it privately.

I was thinking to email her before we met to tell her my news just to give her the time to process it before we met rather than arrive with a bump and say 'TAH DAH'.....

Now that I am on the other side it is quite strange.....any advice to make me telling her easier on her?

Hope this message doesn't offend anyone.

xxx

[Kari55]

Yes, I would definitely email her about your pregnancy before the meeting. I hated when my friend who knew that we were trying for a while decide to tell me face to face even though we were in regular email/message contact. What I know for sure is that when we open up to another it only means good things. She might find your story inspirational and although I don’t know you, I can tell that you will handle the situation as it should be handled - with compassion and sensitivity. X

[Hidden in reply to Kari55]

Thanks well yes this is the only way I could think to ease her into it, and of course then if she decides to make an excuse and meet me another time then I am ok with that.

We are still early days with our pregnancy and I will never knowingly be insensitive to her, and then of course if she did want to share what they have been going through I can help advise her.

Thanks for your reply - I just wanted reassurance that this might be a good plan.

xxx

[Strawberry17]

Firstly, congratulations! I’ve thought about this (hypothetically) a few times and I think if any friends were to tell me they were pregnant, I’d like them to do it via email/text so at least I can react how I want to as they won’t be there to see it. Then I can have a cry and pull myself together before I reply. I hope it goes ok for you xx

[Hidden in reply to Strawberry17]

Thanks hon 😀 xxx

[Hidden]

I totally agree with Kari55. I am sure your friend will be pleased for you and you will be sensitive. If you message beforehand then she will know you have best intentions at heart and are trying your best to be sensitive. Neither of you will want to hurt the others feelings and it's not like you will want to avoid her for the rest of your lives. Xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Haha no she is a good friend. Just I know these big 'announcements' can cause pain and I hate them myself.

Thanks for the reassurance. xxx

[7AVA]

Yes, I would agree with the others, best to let her know with a message first. I’ve always been grateful when friends have done this with me. Perhaps let her know your own personal ivf struggles, it may make your pregnancy easier for her to accept if she is / was trying. All the best xxx

[Hidden in reply to 7AVA]

Thanks for your reply.

Will def say to her it was not a smooth ride - just so she knows she is not alone.

xxx

[Sherry07]

I do agree with above comments, definitely email or text before meeting her. I always hated it when friends/family announced their pregnancy news face to face; it broke me into pieces each and every time x

[Hidden in reply to Sherry07]

Thanks Sherry will do. And also makes it less nerve wracking for me too I suppose....

Xxx

[Sherry07 in reply to Hidden]

Sure, it makes it easier for both of you ... you are a good friend x

[_MrsC]

I think it’s so thoughtful to email her first. I would do that. I think she would be really grateful. Also in your email maybe just say how thankful you are which you clearly are. I think showing you don’t take it for granted goes a long way. I’m sure she’ll be pleased for you. She might just need to feel her own disappointment first. Good luck. xxx

[Hidden in reply to _MrsC]

Yes you are right. Thanks for your kind message xxx