I'm straight and singe man, my wife died 4 years ago and I have no desire to marry again. I just wouldn't be able to give to any woman what I gave to my wife; she meant the world for me. We wanted to have a child together, but didn't succeed in it. I still want to become a dad, to feel this joy of parenthood. I believe I have a lot to offer to a little piece of happiness. Do you think there is a way a single man can become a dad?
I want to be a single dad: I'm straight... - Fertility Network UK
I want to be a single dad
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Lonely11
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39 Replies
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I was recently watching a video on youtube and it is there I watched a video on single dads. You can have a child through surrogacy. However, the process is a bit complicated so be well researched. Research on the procedure and look at the reviews. I am not that sure about the procedure myself so I can't say much. Best of luck to you. I hope you're soon able to become a father. Do keep us posted.
Thank you a lot for your answer! Yes, surrogacy sounds very attractive, this way I can even be a biological father! But I haven’t thought it’s possible for a single man to participate in the programme. Have you heard about any clinic that is dealing with such cases? I appreciate each piece of info!
Depending on where you are, it can be very complicated legally.
In the UK, the surrogate mother is the legal mother of a child and if she’s married, her husband is the legal father. It’s complex to change parental responsibility over to a single male parent and something you really need to check out in whatever country you’re based in.
If you want to know more about surrogacy abroad this meeting may help. Not sure if they deal with cases like yours, but you can come and ask^^
Have you considered an adoption for you? As per CARA guidelines 2017, you are eligible to adopt as a Single prospective parent provided
-that you are not less than 30 or more than 50 years old.
-The maximum age is 40 to adopt children in the 0-3 year age group and 50 for adopting children above 3 years of age.
-A single male is not permitted to adopt a girl child.
Here is a link if you want to check it out by yourself:
wcd.nic.in/sites/default/fi...
Thank you for the answer and link, Lucilina! It’s very useful info, do It’s very useful info, maybe by chance, you know how long you need to be in a waiting list in order to adopt?
You are welcome! Department of Social Services or Department of Consumer and Family Services will accept applicants regardless of marital status. Also, it is significantly cheaper to adopt through Social Services. Through fee is significantly reduced or waived all together. However, it’s not a short process; it takes at least a few years! If you are really impatient this way is not for you. But it worth it!
I would suggest becoming a foster parent first. There are a few classes you'd have to take, but it is much easier to get a child placed for fostering, which many times do end in adoption. Also, understand taking on an adopted child (babies are different situations) comes with many emotional issues that will be an added complication and stress.
Most baby foster placements do end up in reconciliation with the biological parents because a lot of people get their shit more together naturally as you get older. But you can try to ask to children who have parents who have waived their rights. There are over 1/2 a MILLION children in the foster care system.
But DO NOT let this sway you. If you feel called to open you heart and your home to a child in need, DO IT!!! That child would much rather be in your home than in a group home. I promise you. There was a girl who was placed in the group home I was in at 11 because she was too old to find a placement for everyone wants babies. People have children all the time with no consideration to the circumstances or their life. UNDERSTAND YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE. Don't let the doubt tell you, you are not good enough to help.
• in reply toLucilina
Hi are you actually speaking from experience? I have a few friends that have adopted and ones a foster carer aswel. Its doesnt takes years and doesnt cost to adopt a part from court fees. All her babies have not returned to biological parents as no alot can not turn themselves around and their took off them for good reason.
Also fostering is totally different to adopting and if hes after a child of his own fostering isnt going to be it having to hand back kids over and over.
Well, I can understand your situation. You can go for two options, either surrogacy or adoption. Both will work for you. But Being a single parent is really a tough job. You have to keep a balance between work and home and of course you have to give time to your child too. Your child demands you more time because he/she may feel the absence of his/her mother. Keep these things in mind before going for an option and mentally prepare yourself. I am sure you will be a great dad. Stay strong and brave, you are doing very well.
Thanks a lot for the answer and the thoughts to consider! It’s certainly much harder than doing it as a couple. But I believe a single parent is better than no parent at all.
it's no mistake that God created male and female and put them together in a marriage relationship. It's the best way for children of either sex to learn their own roles and how to treat the opposite sex.
However, we don't live in an ideal world and there wouldn't be children available for adoption if it was.
I would encourage you to consider adopting one of the many children considered “unadoptable” - for which there are many reasons, many pathetically illogical. Leave the infants for the young married couples, simply because infants have the best chance of finding a forever home. Unless you don't have to work for a living, it would be better to adopt a child who is already school age, simply from a child care perspective. Additionally an older child will be able to understand your need to be away during your working hours, rather than to think that you are just one more adult abandoning them.
No child is easy to raise, and I won't delude you by telling you than a foster or adopt child will shower you with gratitude. It may come, but it will be hard-earned. Entitlement is the mindset that comes naturally to children who have felt the sting of abandonment and it takes a very strong and persistent parent to train them toward gratitude. But when it works, it's amazing.
I have seen a few cases where children raised by single dads have good life skills and are very nice people. In case of my American friend, his wife left him and did not want to take care of their only daughter who was 9 years old at that time. The girl turned out to be well behaved, friendly and a very nice person. She was very successful academically, straight A student and is now in a top US college. One of the good things my friend used to teach his daughter at a very young age was thinking skills i.e. how to think about anything and everything, to be patient and organized.He would explain how something works and would ask her how she could improve on the design or situation i.e. what are the other alternatives to the problem or situation.
I have seen a similar case where my Indian friend's wife died and my friend had to take care of their son (10 year old that time). Even in this case, the boy grew up to be very friendly, nice, plays musical instruments, and academically very good with excellent life skills. My friend used to spend a lot of time with his son and he turned out well in life. I think in nature there is a higher probability for a single woman to raise a child/children when compared to a man, but the men who take up such responsibility do a good job (if men were not responsible to begin with they may not take the responsibility of raising a child).
I don't have any knowledge in this area - but wanted to say that I really hope you get your wish to be a dad 
I see others are helping with advice and links so you can get more information.
Best of Luck!
xxx
Lonely11• in reply to
Thank you a lot for your support and kind words!
whoa, it's wonderful what you just posted.. don't have complaints about mine but these days that kind of a love is a hard luck. I'm sure you can be a great parent if you share even a part of that kind of undying love to a little bundle of joy. Definitely you can be a single dad, these days generally the laws are same for singles as they are for couples to empower you with the rights of single parenting. Though I belive it's not impossible, I doubt surrogacy will be as easy as adoption in your case... you see legal restriction on traditional surrogacy are far more stringent than just gestational surrogacy. US facilitates single parent surrogacy and even UK got rid of their "legal limbo" of single parent through surrogacy last year ... however, it's damn expensive in both the countries... so you've got to see through the budget first. I'm not sure if anywhere else it's allowed with donor egg or simply the surrogate be the biological mother of the child in the tranditional way to help you with overseas surrogacy. Considering all the above, adoption can be fulfilling means of achieving parenthood as well with less the troubles.... so in case you don't have any predisposition about genetic linkage you can try for adoption. You want is to have a child to share love and life why not go for someone who's already there waiting for a better life perhaps. Well... it's just my suggestion you see, you're the one to take the call. I hope you do get to be a dad soon no matter whichever way you choose to facilitate that. Good luck!
Hey, I just wanted to reach out and say hi. I don't have any advice to offer I'm afraid (although there are definitely ways for you to become a single dad - surrogacy, adoption), but it sounds like you'll be a brilliant dad and you obviously have all the love in the world to offer a child. I also wanted to say sorry for your loss - hopefully in time things get a little easier for you.
This is a great place to get advice and support so you're definitely doing the right thing by reaching out on here.
Sending you lots of love x
I think you should do what you want to do Adopt, foster and surrogacy. Things don’t always turn out as we hoped and I am sorry for your loss....
Look abroad regarding surrogacy things are more relaxed there.
Some People have a lot to say... review every avenue and go what that you feel would best work for you and any potential family.
Kostiaspider• in reply to
The best way to get affordable surrogacy is to find someone in your family or friend circle, who is willing to carry your baby for you without any monetary compensation. In some countries, where commercial surrogacy is legal, you may even consider hiring your own surrogate for a compensation that suits you both. Surrogacy is now allowed only in few parts of the world. Among the places where it is allowed: US is certainly the most expensive, while Eastern European countries like Ukraine and Georgia are affordable options.
If my sister-in-law didn’t act as a surrogate for me, my husband and I wouldn’t have our beautiful little girl.
I found out I had cancer at the end of 2012. My doctor allowed me to go through a round of in vitro fertilization (IVF) to create and then freeze viable embryos using my eggs and my husband’s “stuff” before beginning my chemotherapy and radiation treatments. We stored our embryos, not knowing when in the world we’d find someone we trusted to carry for us (not to mention the insane, but worthy, costs involved), and I began months of treatments. On June 26th, I rang the big, golden bell at MD Anderson that signaled my end of cancer treatments. That was great, but these treatments took away my ability to ever carry children. Not long after, and as I was still recovering from the long-lasting side effects of the treatments, my sister-in-law came to us out of the blue and told us she wanted to carry a child for us using our embryos from the IVF.
She did.
We have our beautiful little girl.
And I forever have my sister-in-law, an angel on Earth, to thank for that.
You are a single man. It is better for you to adopt a child. Isn't it? It will give you a child. And a child will get a proper life through you. Otherwise, you can have a surrogate baby as well. But for that, you need to do proper research first.
Just because you are a man and single I think you should have the same options as a woman that’s single that wants to be a mum. You will feel the same as a female will who wants a child. I have no advice as wouldn’t know where to start for this but wanted to wish you every success. I also wanted to say we never give a new partner the same as one we have loved and lost we give them what is needed in the new relationship, possibly something very different to before. We never stop loving or forgetting we just do it in a different way. Good luck with whatever you decide xx
Depends where you live. In the U.K. legal surrogacy is not possible for a single man but adoption is possible.
I'm not a single dad, but a husband who wanted a child with my wife, we went through many years of ivf, but got there (so far fingers crossed) baby due in a couple of months.
Single men CAN be dads through surrogacy, the law got changed this year , it becomes legal later this year I believe. My friend is gay and was looking into it. There are many options available to you, my friend was part of a network where single women wanted children and while some just wanted sperm, others wanted to share the upbringing of the child.
If you want to do things completely by yourself, I guess surrogacy is the best option, or adoption. You will be the sole parent of the child. I know my friend was told it was virtually impossible to get a baby, but a toddler was certainly possible as a single man, if you have a spare room and depending on checks, interviews, your financial situation, references, its a long process.
Here's the site he was registering with to co-parent with single women (who want to stay single ) Its certainly the most straight forward option that doesn't involve expensive IVF. You would provide a fresh sample and the woman uses home insemination kits, as long as she's young and healthy it has a good chance of working.
I should add you can be straight and use the site!
I’m not sure if co-parenting is a good idea. I’m always surprised to see how people may start argument about the smallest things. And arguments about a child may be really complicated. One should find a person who has the same views about raising children. When me and my ex split up I drew a lot of knowledge from my parents divorce. My parents can’t stand to be in the same room some 20 years after the divorce. And from a childs point of view is it was awkward and uncomfortable. So this is what I did in order to have a functioning relationship with my co-parent a.k.a my ex. I never ever say anything negative about my ex in front of my children. I can be furious at him but that is not my kids problem. And if they ever complain about their dad I try being very objective.
If my ex have made a rule or curfew I always support him and discuss my opinions with him out of earshot from the kids.
I always ask his opinion in stuff that concerns our children eg school, healthcare etc.
I inform him about our childrens life during their time with me.
I have accepted him as a human being and think he is a good father.
With the child I have with a man I have no relationship past with we basically made up guidelines on paper before making the baby and kinda rolled with it.
Thanks billywhizz, the government uk site still says you can’t get a surrogacy parenting order if you are single (you would have to adopt the baby even if you were the genetic parent of the child as a single man) but it’s great to know that the law is going to change- about time too!!
I am sorry that you're in this situation. I hope that you can fulfill your dream! It’s so sweet! I guess people here are right about surrogacy… it may be an option, as well as adoption. Personally, we were fortunate to have a family step in after a few years and help us get together what we needed to go through an agency so we could be matched with someone. Going independent is an option, but there is a higher risk. Speaking about the agencies, you have to understand that it provides you a legal support. Imagine the situation, when a surrogate doesn’t want to give your child to you or imagine how much papers you have to read to do everything legally right. But agencies are not always the good choice. To avoid additional fees, try to find a private clinic that works like an agency. Have you thought much about trying to find someone on your own? I know there are Facebook groups and websites where intended parents can get to know potential surrogates (be careful) or share their experience on their surrogacy journey.
Dear, honestly, there is no reason to even try to find something in the UK. Adoption is a long process, so if you eventually decide to go abroad it will save you both, your time and your money. You 'd better spend that money on your child in future. Your fear now may cost you a pile of dough! If I were you, I would search for some options abroad. I’m sure you can find good solutions for our situation even in Europe.
Lonely11, try to make your own research. Your final destination will vary according to your exact needs. India is closed for surrogacy now. It was popular when I needed that, and it was basically OK, but for some reason, the country changed its legislation. Another popular direction now is Africa, but the legislation there is completely unregulated. I may recommend you to look closer to countries like Cyprus, Georgia or Ukraine.
Keep your head up! There is always a light! Many individuals are now resorting to surrogacy, as an alternative path to parenthood. It’s much like any pregnancy, as it holds the same risks and the possibility of unexpected problems. From this point, adoption is much better, but I don’t know what is the rules in the UK. For a single man, adoption may take a lot of time. On the other side, the general assumption that surrogacy holds higher possibilities of risk as for me is nothing but a myth. In fact, surrogacy is as safe as any low-risk natural pregnancy.
If we’re talking about surrogacy, as it was mentioned here numerous times, the most obvious option is Ukraine, as a nowadays Mecca of modern ART. I was pleasantly surprised, when I saw several donors, whose profiles I had seen before during my 1 visit to the reproductive center there. BUT!! I must say that you should be ready for choosing a donor, as I may become a real struggle for you. As it wasn’t easy for me! I can’t even imagine what you may feel!
I saw the donor who I picked, and that was approved by the doctor. But damn my humbleness. I lost my chance to thank her. Anyway, I guess it’s all for the best. I will always consider her an ideal person, who helped me and my family. I will save this myth of the perfect woman.
Surrogate cost in Ukraine has been found very nominal as compared to other European countries. The Surrogate major intention is to help the childless couple. Here, surrogate takes affordable charges that don’t mean there will be the alteration in the profile of surrogate. Infertility clinics have made the procedure very easy at this moment mean intended couple do not have to look here and there for the surrogate. The clinic proceeds the surrogacy procedure with a very clear and the steps followed by them are acceptable to the couple.
I hope this discussion will answer your questions or give you a little more to think about. I was a surrogate for my friends. Feel free to ask anything you wanna know about the process! You can find someone for altruistic surrogacy too! But it ain't easy! I can say without any hesitation that surrogacy was both the hardest thing I've ever done and the most amazing.
At least we have a topic to discuss with them, when we meet, haha.
Yes, if you want to have a child of your own and you don't feel like having a relationship, surrogacy can be the best option. But there's something about being father or mother that nobody tells you, is hard and tired, then because of that, i’m going to tell you that i got a friend that has a child with another good friend of mine and they are sharing all the responsabilities, then is more like a shared custody after a very friendly divorce. But they are very happy and fullfiled.
Basically if you are not in relationship then the answer is yes. If not genes but the feeling of a parent, a father then you may adopt a child. I don’t know the details of adoption process but I know it takes so much time, money and could be extremely nerve-wracking. I’m going through surrogacy now and expect our surrogate’s due date in a month. We chose this option because we want a baby of our own as well. I don’t know where you are from, but there are still many countries where surrogacy isn’t banned. We went to Ukraine, as it’s one of the most surrogacy-friendly countries with low prices for the procedure. But as far as I remember, surrogacy is available only for married couples, although I may be wrong, you better double-check
You could go down the path of surrogacy or you try to find a woman like-minded that wants a child but has no man and you co-parent.
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