Just want to be a mum

Hi all. I know you will all understand this but I found it really hard at a family event today. We went to a Christmas castle with all our wee nieces. My sister in law had said oh it's not just for kids. It totally was. I just felt really awkward. I want to be a mum not just the auntie standing in the corner. When they went to see santa I just disappeared to the shops. I just pray this will be our last childless Christmas. It's really painful. We ve actually stopped ivf and have applied for adoption. Hoping this time next year we ll be approved so we may be looking at getting at child 12 -18 months from now. I still enjoy reading all your journeys reminds me we re not alone !!xx

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  • Oh lovely I fully understand how that feels - we went away with my husband's extended family in the summer and each of his multiple cousins have at least 1 child. We were on a Haven caravan park which are pretty much entirely geared towards families and I was stuck there for a whole long weekend. It was awful! I remember walking down to the sea at about 2am on my own just to get away from them and their constant 'it'll be your turn next' comments! I wish you all the best with your adoption journey - this whole painful process means that you will be the best possible parent for the lucky child you adopt xxx

  • Thanks for replying. I think the longer you want it the harder it gets. Probably too at the moment we re stuck in an in between stage with nothing happening. I'm sure I ll feel better once we start our adoption training but that probably won't be until April or may xx

  • I totaly no how u feel my youngest sister who i raised becoz of my mum having cancer..has a daughter of 5 years old who i love dearly..then my other sister had twins last year and my other sister just had twins this year 5 months ago..i love my nieces and nephews like crazy but it hurts not having my own always just the auntie.. so i no how u feel at these get togethers to the point i made an excuse that i was working for this years get together.. x x x

  • Wow that is a big family it's so hard to just have to stand back and not be a mummy yourself. I'm usually ok at family gatherings etc its more when I attend events or parties where there are lots of families I just desperately want my own.xx

  • I no that feeling i want so badly as we all do to be a mum xxx

  • I completely understand how you feel. It's a bit like a club...you're either in it or you're not. I don't think Mums consciously go out of their way to exclude those of us without kids - it's never anything that calculated or mean - but somehow we remain on the outside looking in.

    This time of year is very difficult. We took my in-laws out for dinner yesterday and they know our situation, but still my m-i-l has to say things like: "Christmas is really made for children, isn't it?" Arghhhhhhhh...I hadn't noticed :( Makes me feel like such a failure.

    I sometimes wonder if I'll ever be excitedly wrapping Christmas presents for a son or daughter in the future...maybe not? We are looking into IVF with a donor egg due to my age next year so have a long and uncertain journey ahead of us.

    Katya38, I hope that by next Christmas you are a mum/mum-to-be and will have the joy of knowing your family is complete. I wish you - and all the other amazing and resilient ladies on here - their chance in the sun in 2017 xx

  • Thank you so much. It is really hard when you've wanted it for so long and been through so much. To other people it comes so easily. We had the option of donor eggs but have decided I couldn't go through with that. Not just the donor eggs but the uncertainty of getting pregnant. Hope your baby dream comes true soon. Good luck with donor eggs xx

  • Hi Katya, i'm so sorry you feel like that. unfortunately, we all faced the same things especially on Christmas. it sounds cruel actually, your 'family event'. but aren't you in a rush with your decision? I can't judge you and I don't want to but adoption is the last action, imho. One of my friends decided it could be faster and more convenient , as there was no need to go abroad, but she was wrong! It took almost 3 years of wait and all the legal stuff is not cheap...moreover, it was a 5 yo child who isnt a one able to call his adopoters 'mom' and 'dad'. Of course my mate is happy but sometimes i notice she's disappointed and regret a little. Talking about surrogacy, it guarantees you a baby related to you, with your genes, even if you need donor eggs and donor sperm, you'll have a newborn and you'll be the only two people who are near from the very beginning. And imagine those miserable kids, broken, some of them angry...I don't know, it's just my opinion, i didn't mean to be rude.

    Good luck! xxx

  • Thanks for your comments was nice of you to reply. We were actually approved to start adoption this week. We've been told it ll be 2 absolute maximum years but probably about 18 months. Also we ve applied for 0-2 years and told we ll prob get a toddler. i agree adopting is not always an easy option but for us it's the right route xx

  • It's your life and your decision :-) good luck to you. hope you'll enlarge your family sooner than you expect xxx

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