Searching for an egg donor

[Starryeyes1984]

Here it goes....is anyone interested in donating some eggs? I’m 33 and have recently been diagnosed with POF. I had no follicles on my AFC and AMH of 0.6. My fertility literally slipped away for no reason and without any warning signs until it was far too late. But I prefer to be positive and count my blessings so although this has been the shock of our lives and incredibility upsetting me and the hubby want to move forward and create a family, whatever that ends up looking like.

So that brings me to my request. I’m of west African descent and so is hubby. We have NHS funding but my clinic has said they only see black donors once every few years and there are others ahead of me on the list. I’ve contacted an agency and even they said they couldn’t help with finding a black donor. I’ve looked at importing eggs but my clinic wont do it. So me and hubby are left to our own devices to try to find an anonymous donor. We’d appreciate any advice or help we can get!

[destiny121]

There was a lady on here a couple of days ago who wanted to donate and she look mixed race like black mixed if that helps... youd have to search the posts my love x good luck xx

[Sezvic]

I think that lady her name on here is MrsHatchell. Good luck.xxx

[Cocoli]

Hi Starryeyes1984?

I wish I could help. Im a few y are too old to donate. Since embarking on this ivf journey, ive tried to convince my younger sister to donate eggs, with no success.

It’s such a shame that more black women do not consider donating.

I wish you the best of luck.

C

[Starryeyes1984]

Thanks all. Cocoli I understand what you mean. If I had a sister I’d ask but even then it’s such a big ask of anyone and I can understand why someone wouldn’t want to do it. I actually find the idea of a known donor harder to get my head around than an anonymous donor although I’m sure I could if I had any volunteers! My best friend volunteered which is so lovely of her but we aren’t the same race. Tbh I’m scared of casting my net too wide in terms of letting all my friends know our situation because I’m worried about being judged for going down this route. I know not everyone thinks it’s the right thing to do, rather than adopt for example. It does make it harder to find a donor when you don’t feel able to tell many people in your life. Maybe it’s my hang up and actually most people wouldn’t care, I dunno. One of my brothers (ironically the one who is religious) didn’t seem to approve and hasn’t been especially supportive.

[Hidden]

I just wanted to say good luck with your search sweetheart. I hope you manage to find a egg donor & you have a successful outcome. Please stay strong & always remember you have to do what is best for you. The people who often judge us are the people who have no idea how difficult & stressful fertility issues are. I've been told I'm too old to have kids now, IVF is unnatural & I should accept if it's not happening naturally I should give up! I'm now 10 weeks pregnant aged 41 after IVF & this baby is the best thing to ever happen to me. Wishing you all the best xx

[Hidden]

I really wanted to say good luck to you, and of anyone gives you any negative vibes it’s because they have no idea the importance of carrying and nursing your baby, I hope u find a donor and wish u all the best xxx

[Wishingfortheday]

Hi Starryeyes1984, I'm sorry I do understand how hard it can be to receive this kind of news. I don't know if it's something you would consider, but have you thought of travelling abroad for treatment? I've been looking into using Nurture in South Africa (one of the agencies, although there are others) and when I've searched through the donor profiles I have noticed there are a number of black donors. From everything I can see so far South Africa has many good clinics and donor agencies. I know you said you have NHS funding, but if in the end you do feel you are too limited by the options here the costs in SA are lower than UK private care, and so maybe this might make it a viable option?

Whatever you decide, I wish you all the luck in the world xx

[Starryeyes1984 in reply to Wishingfortheday]

Hi Wishingfortheday. I have started looking at treatment abroad as infertility research is now my number one hobby! It’s just a shame to spend £10k if you don’t have to so I’m trying to look at all options. It’s not the kind of money that’s going spare for most people but if the only alternative is wait years in the U.K. then we will definitely go abroad! We can think of it as an investment in our future! 😊

[Tee321]

Hello,

I have an interest in donating my eggs and I am a black woman

[Starryeyes1984 in reply to Tee321]

Sent you a PM!

[Starryeyes1984]

To any generous ladies who might read this, I’m still searching for a donor of Afro-Carribean descent!

[feci in reply to Starryeyes1984]

Hello, I have read your story. I am a black woman of West African descent too. Pls contact me personally if you are still looking. I'd love to help. Take care

[forMoira]

Hi Starryeyes1984, have you contacted other clinics to see if they might be in a better position to help you. Perhaps there are regions of the country where it might be easier to find a donor of Afro-Carribean descent. Maybe in South London? I go to a fairly big clinic in Cambridge. I could give you their details if you wanted to phone them and ask there.

Have you thought about having donor eggs from someone who is not of Afro-Carribean descent? I know that they do try to match by looks in this country, but if there aren't any, perhaps it would be ok to have a child that wasn't the same ethnicity as you. When I went on the list for donor eggs, I said that I didn't mind about skin colour, hair colour, eye colour. I just want to have a family. In the end I was offered a donor with red hair. I have brown hair myself and do hope that the child will be ok with this difference, but I think the main thing that children need is love. It will feel a bit strange if people don't necessarily immediately recognise the child as mine, but I hope it won't cause the child any issues.

Sorry for this long message. Good luck.

[Starryeyes1984 in reply to forMoira]

Thanks forMoira. I know lots of people feel differently and maybe I would in time but I’m only at the beginning of this journey and exploring lots of options, including trying to move my NHS funding to a clinic in London! It’s proving to be a bit of a headache as I’ve been getting a lot of conflicting information about how to do it. I figured it didn’t hurt to keep trying to find a donor in the meantime as it’ll probably still take a while even if I do move my funding.