Next step... Donor Egg

[Refocus]

Two failed ivf/icsi cycles with no eggs fertilising, it's unlikely my eggs will ever be any good. We're devastated but desperate to start a family so want to go ahead with trying a donor egg. Does anyone have advice on how to move on mentally and where to start looking? Our clinic has an egg bank but we want to make sure we're not diving into a small pool for convenience. We're not keen on going abroad, I feel it would make everything more stressful and logistically difficult. Xxx

[Picalilli99]

Hi Fefocus. I’m sorry that you’ve not had success so far. We have also been trying to get our heads around using donor eggs as a possible next step after multiple failed cycles. I’ve been finding it a really emotional time too. I’m afraid I haven’t really got much advice to offer but I did stumble across a thread that a found really helpful when I was reading different websites I can PM you the thread. Have you considered seeing a counsellor at all? Lots of posts I’ve read have suggested this was helpful when considering using DE x

[Refocus in reply to Picalilli99]

Hi Picalilli, yes please do pm the thread. We have our follow up appointment today but booking a councilling appointment at our clinic is quite difficult as they seem booked up! By the time I can get an appointment, I would have Counciled myself using online forums! Anyway, I would definitely like to speak to someone at some point. I think I have some silly concerns that can easily be put at ease. Xxx

[Dunla]

I’m sorry to hear about your failed cycles. When we were making the transition to use donor eggs the first step was to have some implications counselling. It really helped to explore our feelings around the issue. Then we also joined the donor conception network which was so helpful. We were able to speak to people who had been through the process and explore the different treatment options. Look them up online if you haven’t already. We felt the same way too about going abroad. Best of luck going forward xx

[Refocus in reply to Dunla]

Thank you for your message. Did you end up staying in the UK for it? I will definitely look up that network. Thank you! Xxx

[Dunla in reply to Refocus]

Hello, yes we did stay in the U.K. as we wanted an identity release donor. Best of luck and feel free to send me a message at any time xx

[Tugsgirl]

No advice but wishing you lots of luck on the next stage of your journey xx

[Cinderella5]

It is hard in the beginning to get your head around giving up on your own eggs, Im not gonna lie! However having made that decision I dont see our embryos that we have on ice as anyones but ours! I had to give myself a little time to grieve my own eggs but after having spoken to a few ladies that have babys using DE on here, they havent looked back and I knew I wouldnt either. I also read this and somehow it helped get my head around things.....

Perhaps the greatest myth surrounds pregnancy. Many believe the uterus is simply an incubator. Nothing could be further from the truth. The most important aspect of all pregnancies- including egg/sperm donation pregnancies- is that as the fetus grows, every cell in the developing body is built out of the pregnant mother’s body. Tissue from her uterine lining will contribute to the formation of the placenta, which will link her and her child. The fetus will use her body’s protein, then she will replace it. The fetus uses her sugars, calcium, nitrates, and fluids, and she will replace them.

So, if you think of your dream child as your dream house, the genes provide merely a basic blueprint, the biological mother takes care of all the materials and construction, from the foundation right on up to the light fixtures.

So, although her husband’s aunt Sara or the donor’s grandfather may have genetically programmed the shape of the new baby’s earlobe, the earlobe itself is the pregnant woman’s “flesh and blood.” That means the earlobe, along with the baby herself, grew from the recipient’s body. That is why she is the child’s biological mother. That is why this child is her biological child.

Good luck.xx

[Dunla in reply to Cinderella5]

You’ve explained this so beautifully. Actually made me feel quite emotional, in a nice way xx

[Cinderella5 in reply to Dunla]

Yeah it was an article that I found when I was struggling to get my head around everything and it really settled my fears down!xx

[Dunla in reply to Cinderella5]

I’m going to copy it and keep it if that’s alright x

[Cinderella5 in reply to Dunla]

Yes of course, I stole it from a website and I think its a really powerful way of helping someone who is trying to get their head around DE! I think its really important if we can help others the way that we've been helped along the way!xx

[Dunla in reply to Cinderella5]

Couldn’t agree more ❤️

[Refocus]

Oh my, this made me emotional!! Thank you so much xxx

[EK20]

I’m also looking to start DE in the new year. I’m 40 and my eggs are of poor quality so this route seemed like the next step. We’re are going to go abroad after originally saying we wouldn’t. The choice is limited here and they prefer you to use frozen eggs with have lower results. we also prefer anonymity and so are investigating clinics in Spain, Greece and Cyprus. They seems to be cheaper as well with high pregnancy rates. Spain seems to be the most established in DE with a wide range of Clinics. I found the egg donation friends website really good if you do decide to go abroad. Good luck!