Well it’s the start of our last ivf and to say mixed feelings is an understatement. Embryos not so great, on steroids as killer cells slightly high so all in all not high chances.
I feel really mixed. Last time I did everything perfectly and had perfect results and scans then miscarried. I think I’m scared but almost relieved to get to the end of this journey one way or the other, does that sound bad? I feel a bit rebellious in terms of wanting the odd glass of wine thinking but feel relaxed even after a few sips. I want my life again whichever way, a life where I can plan knowing what’s happening, a life not discussing my period with my husband or every other thing that happens on this journey. A life of fun without feeling my body is letting me down or I’m letting my husband down.
When we were asked if we wanted counseling I said no, why would I want that! In truth nothing prepares you for this journey or every time you get over one hurdle your met by another
Hopefully I’m not alone with my thought process 🙈 Anyway this time round I won’t do updates just wanted to have a little “ I’m scared and exhausted rant” and wish each and everyone of you success and happiness xxx
Totally understandable that you have mixed feelings about the whole journey and that you want to know one way or another. I wish you all the best for this IVF round. Also, not sure if you are into this but I use a meditation app called Insight Timer and find 2 particular guided meditation by Sarah Blondin - Surrender and Healing through letting go. This journey is traumatic but I believe we can all grow regardless of the outcome. Sending hugs xx
Thank you lovely I will have a look at the app. I think I’m doing what I do best is being an ostrich and sticking my head in the sand. I’m going through the process but trying to avoid any emotion with it to stop hurting if it fails which is silly because I know I still will hurt. Goodness I make it hard for myself lol. The app sounds maybe just what I need.
You are on such a big journey too so thank you for the time in your reply and lots and lots of luck to you and your hubby xxx
I totally get you, gets to a point when you realise that your are over it not that you don’t want it just....
I contemplating a round 9 but I just don’t know if I can’t take another BFN
GOOD luck
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Round 9!! You are amazing I have everything crossed for you. Thanks for your reply it’s good to know I’m not mad or bad in how I feel. The whole process is so consuming. I wish you lots of luck my lovely xxxx
It’s only my first round so I take my hat of to you ladies that have gone on to have more. Fingers crossed that it’s your time now. Keep your chin up.x
Good luck to you my lovely. My biggest bit of advice is to try not to over think everything. Hopefully something wonderful will happen for you soon xxx
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Mixed feelings
First round IVF 
Final scan
Newbie here
