Good afternoon ladies. Not so much a question but just a post/update really. Tomorrow I am having my 4th and final egg collection. I obviously have no idea how it might turn out. They pulled it forward by a day based on my bloods but I’ve no idea what that means 😂. I was also warned in my last scan that my left ovary is really high and they may not be able to access it on the day. Hopefully they’ll be able to push it down enough. But who knows! I decided before starting this that this is my final time. I know many ladies have more collections. But I have had 11 embryo transfers. And as I type the meds are just making me SO tired. I’ve been like a zombie all week. I’m at peace with my decision and whatever the outcome may bring I’m ready to close this chapter. It’s 9 whole years of infertility, almost a decade of my life. I started at 28 thinking it could take a few goes and I’m now 37 and have been worn down many times throughout. The way I’m currently feeling I feel a sense of calm about it all. So I know this is the right choice for me now. And I’m glad I’m no longer feeling in the depths of despair. Obviously I am hopeful that I may get ‘the one’ out of this round. But if I don’t I’m glad I’m not feeling that desperate sense of urgency anymore, I’m able to see beyond the bleakness of infertility and the years it has stolen from me and the life I thought I would have. I can see there is the potential for a happy life even if it isn’t one I had pictured for myself.
So good luck to all the other strong women (and men) still riding the train. I hope you all get the outcomes you so want & deserve ✨
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Booda21
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Wishing you all the luck in the world for your egg collection. It takes a lot of strength to get to the place you are describing, I have often seen / heard people saying "don't give up" but from my way of thinking the decision you are making is not giving up. It is - as you say - closing a chapter and beginning a new one which also gives new hope and adventure. There can be a calmness to it despite the yearning for many years.
That said I really wish you all the best for the upcoming weeks x x
Thanks so much Skittles! That’s exactly it, I feel like it’s been such a horrible time, although I have always done my best to continue to live my life, it’s always there weighing over me. And I am sure I will still always live with it, if we don’t get a good outcome. But I refuse to be consumed any longer. I am going to have any embryos we get PGT - A tested so will see what happens from there. I hope everything is going well in your own journey 🤍 and I really appreciate your kind words xx
Omg...your post is deeply moving, and it's clear you've come to a place of peace with everything you've been through. I really admire the way you’re embracing the future, whatever it may bring. I’m sending you all my best for tomorrow's egg collection and for whatever the next steps may be. Virtual hugs Xx
Ah thanks so much! Yes it’s took a lot to get to this place. I have felt beyond broken many times. And I feel whatever the outcome this time, it’s going to be ok. I hope you are doing ok 🤍 and thank you for your lovely message xxx
Best of luck whatever way it turns out, you sound like the type of person who will take on whatever life throws you next and set new challenges and find peace and happiness in the calmness you are creating for yourself. You have certainly been on an incredible journey and should be proud at what you have put yourself through, not many people would be able to do so and then so bravely make the decision that this is your last collection. X
Thanks a lot for your reply, it’s really kind of you to say those things. I am just glad I have finally reached this place, and I hope the feeling stays. I have been on the floor for so long. I think it’s just hard to know when to stop isn’t it as we always think ‘what if’ but I feel for myself I have to control what I can. And I have got in to a good head space. I hope you are ok and everything is good on your own journey ✨ xx
Whilst I wish you all the very best of luck for the next few weeks, I deeply respect how you've come to terms with potentially living a different life after this. It is so difficult but so important to make peace with such a decision and it's very admirable that you've done so. No one can say you haven't given it your absolute all, it's so so draining both physically and emotionally. I hope it will be the lucky round this time, but whatever the future holds, I wish you all the very best x
You’re exactly right, it is so draining. I honestly feel like I’ve aged about 10 years in this last week alone. I’m over juggling work and appointments, social life, holidays. I just want to feel free from the restraints of infertility. And if I end up with a bonus this round then what a finisher that was! I just had a nosy at your page and saw you have naturally conceived after your own hellish journey. Wow, amazing! And a HUGE congratulations. Hope all is going well for you 🤍. Thanks for your kind reply, it means a lot xx
Totally get where you're coming from. I had nowhere near as many transfers as you but after 3 failures including one very traumatic and devastating miscarriage the day before our 12 week scan, we were also at the point of thinking we wouldn't put ourselves through it again and starting to imagine how we might live a childfree life. We still have our own lives to lead and there's a whole world out there. However, yes as you say, somehow a total miracle has happened which I'm still pinching myself about and we have conceived naturally for the first time ever, I'm now 7 weeks. Given what happened before I'm still not allowing myself to believe that this could actually happen but am thankful for every day we're getting along the way! Thank you so much for you kind good wishes. And good luck today. I hope you get your bonus xx
good luck tomorrow. You are still super young at 37. You are right to have your embryos PGT tested. Having started this journey at 28 the problem is not your eggs as every clinic likes to say because they can’t be bothered finding root cause. Issue likely more immune / inflammation. Would love to hear back once you get your PGT testing done. Don’t give up. You still have at least another 10 years to be successful ❤️
Thanks so much for your message. I did have previous embryos tested too. And I’ve had steroids and lots of other tests and combinations of stuff. I have quite bad endometriosis so I’m unsure if this is the problem. I have been pregnant 3 times, one early miscarriage, one I would say chemical they were both following transfers and I did conceive naturally before Christmas but I also lost that one. I know in the world of fertility I am very young, but my partner is older and we both agree this is the last time. Financially, mentally, physically we don’t want to keep trudging through. I want to live life without constant tests, anxieties, researching etc. So fingers crossed this round yields the one. But if not I’m ready to move forwards. I hope you have success in your own journey and thanks for the words of encouragement xx
OMG Endo is massive contributor to failed pregnancy as it’s an inflammatory disease (check out Dr Vidali in USA- that’s all he does Endo surgery and swears its highest reason for infertility and MC). My friend had success age 43 after many years of failed cycles and trial and error and 7 years on the road….because most clinics don’t have a clue and learn from each £10k spend which is crazy. She has endo too….her final protocol was 1) rectal ozone for four weeks pre transfer X 3 times per week (I’m a fan of this, Dr Mehri in New York IVF Dr uses ozone sauna in his clinic as super anti-inflammatory - check him out and I now have machine at home which I will use therapeutically as I get close to transfer) 2) intralipids pre transfer, 3)IVig when got positive pregnancy test, 4) high dose progesterone, 5) blood thinners. Don’t give up. Take a break instead and get the right Dr with the right protocol. She swears ozone and intralipids did the trick last time. You’re still young but I understand the heartache on this journey. The more we can get women to share their success protocols the more we can end this madness and struggle we all have to go through ❤️❤️
I pray that this time things go in your favour and you be blessed with a healthy baby sooooonnnn.I agree with you, now that I look back I feel like those past years and years tht I spent getting worried and desperate to get pregnant, I emotionally exhausted myself and those years gone wasted in a worry that was not in my hands... I could have enjoyed them fully if I had made peace with my life earlier ❤️
Thank you so much. And that is exactly it. Life is exhausting enough and when you add this in it’s just all too much. I will soon know one way or another if we even have a chance following the collection. Thanks so much for your message. I hope you are all good and in a happy place 🤍 xx
My dear, it’s ok to say : “It’s enough. I want to live my full and happy life. This is not happening no metter what I try. What I can do is to let go and to decide to try to find joy in my life as it is and in the other thing that make me happy.”
The thing is, if we keep on trying and trying and the things are not changing, it leaves a toll on our lives that is hard to shake off afterward and takes a big part of our happiness. It is good to know your limits and not to go beyond them as that will exhaust us. Important thing is to know u did all you could, not to have regrets afterwards and to find joy and fill your life with love in other ways thru hobbies, work, friends, your partner, your pets, nature and important thing : to be grateful for the beutiful things you have in your life.
I am 41, went thru 5 IVF cycles, always only 1 fertilized egg meaning every time I have to go from the beginning with therapy and injections. It’s overwhelming and hard, it brought a lot of sadness and anger in my and my partners life. Me like you, also have limits and the things I said to you I whish them for myself as well. I am sending you good vibes and lots of positive energy.
Thank you so much for your kind wordsand sharing your own journey. You clearly know the exact feeling I’m talking about. It does take so much, and having that control and power really can bring peace and happiness. I am still happy that that was my final collection. One last roll of the dice. We will see what happens. But any which way, I couldn’t have personally given any more than I have. Sending you love and hope you are ok xx
Your post is so beautifully written and full of strength. It’s incredible how you’ve walked this journey with so much resilience, and I admire the peace you’ve found in your decision. I truly hope this final egg collection brings you the outcome you so deeply deserve, but no matter what, you’ve shown such courage in facing this path head-on. Infertility takes so much from us, yet your words show that it hasn’t taken your ability to see hope and joy in the life ahead, whatever it may look like. Wishing you all the strength for tomorrow. Sending strength and positivity. xx
What a lovely reply. Thank you so much. And everything you say is so true. Only some people will ever understand the upheaval and turmoil. Even the past 2 weeks for me have been so heavy and exhausting, I’ve felt awful. Which also helps me to be final in my decision that that was the last time I will have a collection. Fingers crossed one of these embryos does the trick. But if not I’m ready to move on. Thanks again for the message and I hope you are good yourself 💕
I wish you all the luck in the world for this final try. Also, congrats on being able to say enough is enough. Infertility is so hard. People who don’t struggle with it cannot understand how it consumes every single part of your life. My parents struggled with it for 25 years. From when they were 22 until they were 47. After 15 years they had one baby (me), and then they kept trying because they wanted more than one child. It consumed them. The marriage suffered, mental health suffered, even I resented my mom for talking a lot about babies that were lost ti miscarriages. So when I started this journey I swore to myself that I will only do one egg collection and then try to adopt an embryo in Spain to minimize impact on my physical and mental health. There is life beyond infertility and the picture of life that we have in our head. I have family friends who are proof of that. So again, I wish you all the best. You gave everything to this process so just enjoy whatever life brings you now. You deserve happiness and joy and I am sure you will find it.
Wow that sounds a lot. And fair play to you for having your limits lined out straight away. I spent a lot of last year actually depressed I would say, which is just not me. I felt so low and helpless. And then something switched this year, I almost even cancelled this cycle before it began, but decided it was one last chance to myself. So I am 100% relieved to know that last egg collection is done. Whatever the ultimate outcome may be. Thanks so much for sharing your story and for your words of encouragement, it’s really appreciated xx
Thanks Millbanks, you are so right, it really has! And I’m absolutely in a good place. Whatever happens outcome wise, I’ve poured all I personally can in to it. Hope you are all good 🫶 xx
There definitely comes a time when you just simply can't do any more. We have a line drawn and I'm actually looking forward to meeting it - it feels like we're forever putting life on hold and then I'm going through so many invasive procedures - it's exhausting. xx
full of respect for your journey and your decision. I think there is so much uncertainty with infertility I’ve often thought when do we stop? It’s a hard decision to make, that’s so positive you and your partner agree.
Some people seem to trip over and get pregnant or plan it to the minute - but for those in this forum we are are not those people. Making the decision to stop after this cycle is powerful.
Wishing you the best for this treatment and whatever comes next.
Thank you for sharing this post - it’s helpful to see this experience.
Thanks so much for your lovely message! I know it’s so frustrating when there’s no exact answers either isn’t it. I just feel so done with the scrabbling for answers and further tests. For them to always come back as normal. Hoping that one may be the golden nugget! Thanks again for your lovely message. My embryos have been biopsied and I’m now in the wait for those results! But glad that collection is done. Hope you are well 🤍 xx
Aw thanks for checking in endofitall, that’s so lovely of you. I’m doing ok thank you. My clinic managed to get 4 blasts to biopsy and test so I’m just going to wait the next 2 weeks and see what comes back! So glad that part is over, the lethargy and the bloating has been pretty grim! How are you?xx
That’s great news. Well done! I know what you mean about the fatigue and bloat. Take some well deserved rest now and I really hope the PGTA results are good 🤞🏼✨. We just had the one little but great quality blast for testing this time, just have to hope for the best xx
Well I hope and pray that one great quality little one is the only one you’ll need! Now let the waiting commence 🙃. Sending loads of positive vibes and faith & hope in that little one 🤞💫 xxx
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