4th & final egg collection

[Booda21]

Good afternoon ladies. Not so much a question but just a post/update really. Tomorrow I am having my 4th and final egg collection. I obviously have no idea how it might turn out. They pulled it forward by a day based on my bloods but I’ve no idea what that means 😂. I was also warned in my last scan that my left ovary is really high and they may not be able to access it on the day. Hopefully they’ll be able to push it down enough. But who knows! I decided before starting this that this is my final time. I know many ladies have more collections. But I have had 11 embryo transfers. And as I type the meds are just making me SO tired. I’ve been like a zombie all week. I’m at peace with my decision and whatever the outcome may bring I’m ready to close this chapter. It’s 9 whole years of infertility, almost a decade of my life. I started at 28 thinking it could take a few goes and I’m now 37 and have been worn down many times throughout. The way I’m currently feeling I feel a sense of calm about it all. So I know this is the right choice for me now. And I’m glad I’m no longer feeling in the depths of despair. Obviously I am hopeful that I may get ‘the one’ out of this round. But if I don’t I’m glad I’m not feeling that desperate sense of urgency anymore, I’m able to see beyond the bleakness of infertility and the years it has stolen from me and the life I thought I would have. I can see there is the potential for a happy life even if it isn’t one I had pictured for myself.

So good luck to all the other strong women (and men) still riding the train. I hope you all get the outcomes you so want & deserve ✨

[Skittles11]

Wishing you all the luck in the world for your egg collection. It takes a lot of strength to get to the place you are describing, I have often seen / heard people saying "don't give up" but from my way of thinking the decision you are making is not giving up. It is - as you say - closing a chapter and beginning a new one which also gives new hope and adventure. There can be a calmness to it despite the yearning for many years.

That said I really wish you all the best for the upcoming weeks x x

[Booda21 in reply to Skittles11]

Thanks so much Skittles! That’s exactly it, I feel like it’s been such a horrible time, although I have always done my best to continue to live my life, it’s always there weighing over me. And I am sure I will still always live with it, if we don’t get a good outcome. But I refuse to be consumed any longer. I am going to have any embryos we get PGT - A tested so will see what happens from there. I hope everything is going well in your own journey 🤍 and I really appreciate your kind words xx

[NewYorkLover]

Omg...your post is deeply moving, and it's clear you've come to a place of peace with everything you've been through. I really admire the way you’re embracing the future, whatever it may bring. I’m sending you all my best for tomorrow's egg collection and for whatever the next steps may be. Virtual hugs Xx

[Booda21 in reply to NewYorkLover]

Ah thanks so much! Yes it’s took a lot to get to this place. I have felt beyond broken many times. And I feel whatever the outcome this time, it’s going to be ok. I hope you are doing ok 🤍 and thank you for your lovely message xxx

[FlowerGem115]

Best of luck whatever way it turns out, you sound like the type of person who will take on whatever life throws you next and set new challenges and find peace and happiness in the calmness you are creating for yourself. You have certainly been on an incredible journey and should be proud at what you have put yourself through, not many people would be able to do so and then so bravely make the decision that this is your last collection. X

[Booda21 in reply to FlowerGem115]

Thanks a lot for your reply, it’s really kind of you to say those things. I am just glad I have finally reached this place, and I hope the feeling stays. I have been on the floor for so long. I think it’s just hard to know when to stop isn’t it as we always think ‘what if’ but I feel for myself I have to control what I can. And I have got in to a good head space. I hope you are ok and everything is good on your own journey ✨ xx

[scotchegg]

Whilst I wish you all the very best of luck for the next few weeks, I deeply respect how you've come to terms with potentially living a different life after this. It is so difficult but so important to make peace with such a decision and it's very admirable that you've done so. No one can say you haven't given it your absolute all, it's so so draining both physically and emotionally. I hope it will be the lucky round this time, but whatever the future holds, I wish you all the very best x

[Booda21 in reply to scotchegg]

You’re exactly right, it is so draining. I honestly feel like I’ve aged about 10 years in this last week alone. I’m over juggling work and appointments, social life, holidays. I just want to feel free from the restraints of infertility. And if I end up with a bonus this round then what a finisher that was! I just had a nosy at your page and saw you have naturally conceived after your own hellish journey. Wow, amazing! And a HUGE congratulations. Hope all is going well for you 🤍. Thanks for your kind reply, it means a lot xx

[scotchegg in reply to Booda21]

Totally get where you're coming from. I had nowhere near as many transfers as you but after 3 failures including one very traumatic and devastating miscarriage the day before our 12 week scan, we were also at the point of thinking we wouldn't put ourselves through it again and starting to imagine how we might live a childfree life. We still have our own lives to lead and there's a whole world out there. However, yes as you say, somehow a total miracle has happened which I'm still pinching myself about and we have conceived naturally for the first time ever, I'm now 7 weeks. Given what happened before I'm still not allowing myself to believe that this could actually happen but am thankful for every day we're getting along the way! Thank you so much for you kind good wishes. And good luck today. I hope you get your bonus xx

[LovetoZumba]

good luck tomorrow. You are still super young at 37. You are right to have your embryos PGT tested. Having started this journey at 28 the problem is not your eggs as every clinic likes to say because they can’t be bothered finding root cause. Issue likely more immune / inflammation. Would love to hear back once you get your PGT testing done. Don’t give up. You still have at least another 10 years to be successful ❤️

[Booda21 in reply to LovetoZumba]

Thanks so much for your message. I did have previous embryos tested too. And I’ve had steroids and lots of other tests and combinations of stuff. I have quite bad endometriosis so I’m unsure if this is the problem. I have been pregnant 3 times, one early miscarriage, one I would say chemical they were both following transfers and I did conceive naturally before Christmas but I also lost that one. I know in the world of fertility I am very young, but my partner is older and we both agree this is the last time. Financially, mentally, physically we don’t want to keep trudging through. I want to live life without constant tests, anxieties, researching etc. So fingers crossed this round yields the one. But if not I’m ready to move forwards. I hope you have success in your own journey and thanks for the words of encouragement xx

[HG366]

I pray that this time things go in your favour and you be blessed with a healthy baby sooooonnnn.I agree with you, now that I look back I feel like those past years and years tht I spent getting worried and desperate to get pregnant, I emotionally exhausted myself and those years gone wasted in a worry that was not in my hands... I could have enjoyed them fully if I had made peace with my life earlier ❤️

[Booda21 in reply to HG366]

Thank you so much. And that is exactly it. Life is exhausting enough and when you add this in it’s just all too much. I will soon know one way or another if we even have a chance following the collection. Thanks so much for your message. I hope you are all good and in a happy place 🤍 xx

[Doodlebug23]

I’m sending you all my positive vibes and good luck 💖

I really hope you get the embie you are hoping for and deserve. You know already, but what an exceptionally strong woman you are. X

[Booda21 in reply to Doodlebug23]

Thanks so much doodlebug. That’s a lovely message. I hope your little one is keeping you happy and busy ✨ xx

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Booda21]

Happy busy shattered lol!

[Endofitall]

wishing you so much luck and love. You’ve been so strong 💪. However this turns out you’ve given it your all xx