Trying to conceive and depression

[Kathryn1984]

Hello everyone,

I’m new to all of this, but felt I needed a little support from some sympathetic people.

I’ve been depressed on and off for all my adult life, I’m 34 now. I’ve been on and off anti depressants, done 3 types of different counselling. I get better, then have another breakdown. My life’s a cycle of breakdowns and recovery, each time hoping it will be the last.

I never found myself in the right relationship to have a baby until I met my husband to be when I was 30. We bought a home a year ago, and decided to start trying for a baby. We talked about our spare room and how it would be the baby’s room. We spoke about how our German Shepherd would be a big sister one day. My mental health was good, and I came off my anti depressants and contraceptive pill. 13 months on, no luck. Every month I’m crushed. My fiancé says he’s happy either way, if we have children or not, but I don’t feel the same way. Sometimes I wish I could think like him, it’s like he’s just accepting and being happy for the hand life has dealt him. He doesn’t like seeing me sad, and the topic of conceiving has caused a few arguments. I now have to think about when I bring the topic up, so as not to start another argument. We jokingly refer to it as”the topic”!

I found that over the last few months, trying to get pregnant has brought so much to the surface. I blame myself for being 34! But I know it couldn’t have been any other way. My self esteem and confidence is low. I’m stressed at work; I don’t really like my job but I’ve been in it 10 years, the wage is good, it pays the mortgage. In my head, I work to provide a future for a future baby.

I feel like I’ve just hit rock bottom, wondering what I’m doing with my life.

I don’t really have a question, but I guess it would be how could I deal with my depression and low self esteem without anti depressants?

My fiancé is going to get his sperm tested soon. I’ve had my bloods done, they’re all where they should be and my period is regular every 27 days.

Good luck out there to everyone trying. Other people talking about it is such a support, and it’s good just to have somewhere to talk without judgement.

[hancon]

Hi Kathryn

Firstly, you are not alone! Even though it feels overwhelmingly like you are. I actually feel such a hypocrite right now, as this is what my hubby says to me all the time but I never believe him...!

So I'm 13 months of trying too, and have been on venafelaxine for nearly 8 years as I have a chemical in-balance, which means I will likely be on them forever. But not getting pregnant is making me even more depressed. My hubby and I also had tests done which weren't great and I wasn't prepared for it.

I've got in touch with my old private therapist. Just making that appointment has made me feel better.

All I can recommend is going to see someone. Science is one thing, but mental health is another, and is just as important.

I hope this helps. And if you ever want to chat please reach out. It's hard when no one else understands you.

Big hug xxxx

[Kathryn1984 in reply to hancon]

Thank you for your reply. It means a lot to know I’m not the only one. I’m waiting to start counselling again, and I know it does help me, I’m trying my best to make positive steps. I feel like I’m dealing with depression and problems trying to conceive, and both things are making the other worse! Thank you so much again for the message. It means so much.

[LozR]

Hi,

You are not alone in this at all, I have struggled all my adult life with depression and lately anxiety too. My husband and I have been ttc for over 3 years and he is useless when it comes to talking, I actually find him infuriating at times.

I'm not going to lie to you, it isn't easy going through all these difficult emotions without anti depressants to help keep me stable but I've found this site very useful. I've also thrown myself into my hobbies as I've found that a great distraction.

We are stronger than we think! xxx

[Kathryn1984 in reply to LozR]

Thank you for the message. I love my fiancé to bits, and hate complaining about him, because he tries so hard to be supportive in his own way. I don’t think he will ever fully understand mental illness or the way I feel about us struggling to conceive.

I used to love my hobbies, I used to do loads of crafts and I was a runner. But recently, nothing is seeming to make me happy anymore. Even planning our wedding isn’t exiting anymore. I know I’ll come through this down patch, just hope it’ll be soon! Thank you so much for answering, because it had made me feel a bit better. Best of luck.