I don't know where to start. I had ovarian cancer almost 15 years ago, at 18. I'm almost 33.
Background...
Long story, short... Had a 12 inch tumour removed with some difficulties, was given 6 cycles of BEP chemo and then had further operations on my remaining ovary due to finding cysts. Then had several further operations for hernias etc due to treatment and previous cancer related operations.
But anyway.... I'm now at a point in my life where I'm in a happy, stable relationship and we're trying for a baby. I've been loosing weight, taking Preconception tablets, tracking my ovulation. Literally trying to do whatever I can to get pregnant. I haven't ovulated for 2 months. I'm obvsiously thinking the worse. We've been trying on and off for about 18 months....regualrly trying for the last 7.
My doctor has said that I can have an appointment with the feritly team after 12 continuous months.
But I'm a mess, I think about it constantly. I feel broken and useless. I've wanted to have a baby since I was 18, but haven't been in a position to do so.
A friend of mine that is pregnant came to stay with me this weekend and I feel awful. I'm happy for her, I really am. But I've struggled all weekend. She's spoken about it constantly, mentioned it at every possible opening, obvsiously because she beaming. But it's crushed me, like seriously CRUSHED. I couldn't tell her how I was feeling because I would never want to take that away from anyone. But I'm a mess.
I guess I just wanted to talk to people who have had similar experiences, people who understand and maybe can give advice. I hate feel like this, I feel like cancer has won.
Thank you to anyone who has read this.
Kara
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Written by
RahrahMia
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Oh my you have battled so much so young! I'm so glad that you are in a better place now 😊
This is a wonderfully supportive forum and I think we can all relate to feeling crushed even when close friends become pregnant. It seems so easy for others. It's awful but when it's something you want so much for yourself it really hurts.
It's so irritating that the doctor won't let you see a fertility expert right away considering your history! It's horrible having to wait.... but it won't be too much longer for you hopefully. I paid to go private and initial tests were not too bad.
ive just dug out the price guide from my clinic and for a comprehensive fertility MOT for a female it's £275 and that includes full internal scan and consultation with a fertility specialist doctor to discuss the optimisation of your fertility. I assume most places are a similar price. It might be a useful first step while waiting for NHS maybe? Xx
Oh dear that is a story! Do not feel alone I am also getting mad upset when I have pregnant women around me, especially if they very close friends of mine, it is really painful. Do no lose your hope our time is just yet to come. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel xxx
I really feel for you but know that you aren’t alone. Everyone one of us has a different story but we’re all united by the struggle. My husband and I were made to wait 2 years before being referred for fertility treatment even though they could clearly see at least one of my Fallopian tubes was blocked. Then I had a wait of almost a year before they could operate to remove them. Whilst this was going on some of my closest friends were seemingly falling pregnant left, right and centre. It really affected my relationships with them and I couldn’t believe how insensitive people can be. I think it just comes from a lack of education if people haven’t experienced similar issues themselves. It’s such a toxic situation, you can’t help how you feel but you are also happy for them.
The reason I wanted to write was to say stay hopeful. It’s a long journey but there’s so many options still available to you and try and focus on the next steps. I eventually confided in my pregnant friends and was very honest about how I felt and it was definitely the right thing to do. I am now 10 wks pregnant after a 4+ year journey so fingers crossed. Try and focus on the things you love and things you can only do without children like going out to a nice restaurant, exercising when you like and travelling to cool places. Hang in there xx
That's such a long time to wait. But I'm. Honestly so. Happy to hear your news. It gives me so much hope knowing that other people have been through the struggle.
I did think about talking to my friend, but I don't feel like. I'm strong enough yet. Think I'd come across wring, maybe son though. I really admire you for doing that.
Hi RahrahMia. Oh bless you, you've been through so much in the past and now that you're ready to try for a baby of your own, people are having babies around you, and yes, it is so soul destroying. While you are waiting for your referral, see whether your GP would arrange some counselling for you to talk over how you are feeling. There is a charity called the "British Infertility Counselling Association" who deal just with all fertility issues, plus any relationship problems that arise from them. There is a charge, and you can only access them online at bica.net have a look and see what you feel. Thinking of you. Diane
Oh sorry to hear your story, but you absolutely won over cancer! There are lots of options to get pregnant today, however I understand what you are feeling right now. I had a miscarriage recently and I’m counting 4 pregnant friends. With one of them I have a stronger relationship and I was open with her about my feelings, with the others it’s much harder. I really struggle to be around them, like you I feel happy for them but so sad and helpless for myself. It’s very unfair to feel this way, especially because in different ways we both suffered, you with your cancer and me with fighting Pcos and a miscarriage. We need to do, all that is in our control, to get pregnant. And also all we can do to keep ourselves happy. Mental condition, positivity is key, however sometimes you just want to feel sad and angry, that’s also ok. In your shoes I would probably request to be referred to a fertility clinic as soon as possible, given your history hopefully you have some advantages. If you want to talk I’m here for you.
Also, if you see another gp I would just say you have been trying for 18mths, don't mention the on and off! Most people are on and off when trying to start with!
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Today I've just cried 😰
Anyone else just utterly sick of failing month after month?
Feeling blue and so alone...
Dispairing :-(
Feeling...empty, flat and tired. 
