Fertility Network UK
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Am I being stupid?

We had our first ivf cycle Nov/Dec last year. We had a 5 day transfer but started bleeding 4dp5dt for 5 days. We were devastated but our clinic insisted that we continue progesterone and take a HPT on our OTD.

To our surprise we had a positive on our OTD! Our first ever positive test we were nervous but hopeful. I continued to test with HPT like a crazy women and after a week of positives (some in the afternoon) we started to get our hopes up. I tested on Boxing Day but it turned to a negative. I was heart broken.

I’ve been trying to keep it together as when we went to visit my in laws for New Years my mother in law collapsed and died. I’ve been trying to be strong for my OH.

I was doing ok until I got a summary of our last cycle from my clinic following a follow up.

The letter states that they understand we will be upset following a negative test. No mention of the fact we had positives until 5 weeks. I know it was really early day but now I feel silly for being so upset as they are saying it’s failed cycle and we will go forward with a FET.

I know we are so lucky to have a frozen embryo but now I feel I’m wrong to be as upset as I am over our last cycle.

I have a counselling session on Tuesday which I hope helps.

Would you guys feel upset over the letter?

11 Replies
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In the situation you are in, I think it doesn’t take much to make you upset. I would be upset by it, and you are definitely normal to be feeling huge grief, both for your miscarriage (because that is what it was) and for your mother-in-law. My heart goes out to you at this difficult time and I think you’re right to go for counselling, I hope it helps x

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Thank you for your reply, it’s so good to be able to discuss with other people who really understand. I hope your cycle goes well. I have everything crossed for you 🤞x

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Oh I’m so sorry for all your going though, I’d definitely feel upset by the letter as Lizzie says it was a miscarriage you’ve been through. Your going to be grieving for your loss as well as your MIL. I hope the counselling helps, thinking of you x

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Thank you x

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Hey vicky35, just read your post. Of course it is understandable you are upset, i would be too! You were pregnant and miscarried which is different to a negative test, both are awful but the difference should be acknowledged by your clinic. I am sorry to hear about ur mother in law too. Sometimes the clinics forget to treat everyone as an individual when they type up and send off these letters. Wishing you best of luck for FET xx

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Thank you. I hope your clinic has put your mind at ease? Good luck with your cycle xx

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Thank you, yes the consultant has just rang and put my mind at rest. Thank you for your support xx

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Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. Yourself and your husband have been through a terrible time. It’s completely understandable that receiving this letter has upset you. Hoping your counselling session is a help to you. Take good care of yourself xx

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Thank you. Everyone’s kind words really help. Especially when everyone on here really understands. I have had a cry, a glass of wine ( will have to stop again soon) and a hot bath and feeling better xx

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I’m so glad, hope you get a good nights sleep now. I’m sure you could do with the rest x

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I would. Our clinic described what you have described as Miscarriage/chemical pregnancy which is better than the none acknowledgement. Your body also needs a bit more time to adapt after an early pregnancy loss no matter how early.

Regardless of how short your pregnancy it was still a period of time when you had hopes and dreams for a tiny person you never met. It will take you time to heal but you will...... even though you’ll never forget xx

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