No matter how much I try to put me and my husband first I can't help carrying everyone else's problems yet no one ever seems to ask how I'm doing 🙁
I've lost so many friends through this journey which I guess is partly my own fault as I haven't always been forthcoming about what I'm going through but I don't want people's pity. One of my good friends who I was able to discuss fertility treatments with was on clomid and is now pregnant. I'm really happy for her but I feel like she's just forgotten all about me, when ever we do talk all she goes on about is pregnancy and how sick she's feeling even though she always said she'd never moan about symptoms.
I see other people enjoying their lives, socialising and booking holidays when all I'm doing is counting down the days until I start injecting again.
I know I sound pathetic but I even find myself getting angry at the tv watching a programme and someone gives birth not even knowing they were pregnant, why is life unfair! 😢
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E_05
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It is a very lonely thing. You're not the only one who has lost friends on the journey. I have as well. In fact, I was saying to my mum a few weeks ago that I don't feel I really have any friends left. Unfortunately I think it's one of the results of going through this awful process. The only thing I can suggest is to do what you want to do. Try not to worry what others think. Just look out for yourself. It's so hard because it's not visible to anyone else yet you feel like screaming out loud. I feel for you Hun. I really do. Sending you a huge hug. xxx
It definitely does feel like a very lonely journey. you don't want to tell everyone your journey incase it's not received well. You keep your distance from friends and family because of the emotional heartache of watching everyone else's joy. You end up removing yourself from social media and such like.
It's really hard if you ever want to offload just msg me I know how u feel xx
Thank you so much, that's so true I've ended up unfollowing people on Facebook as I don't want to cause arguments but don't want to see them daily pregnancy moans! Xx
It is a lonely journey and life is put on hold and some days that's really really hard to deal with. It's made me realise that some friends aren't as supportive as I thought they'd be and others have surprised me but it's still a pretty lonely place. We have to be kind to ourselves. Do nice things for ourselves and try to find ways to stay positive. We are super strong (but sometimes not) and here for each other. Hopefully not long to go now and you'll be able to make plans for the future too. Big hugs to you in the meantime xxxx
Thank you! I think it's the down days when you look back on how much you've put your life on hold and think 'what for' I'm still in the same position as when I started I've just got a whole load more heart ache but then there's days when I'm quite positive and think one day il look back and none of it will matter cause il have my healthy baby x
I can totally empathise with you it's so tough. I am like you, the person people usually come to & It's a mixed emotion when you don't get that back. It definitely makes you assess your friendships. I think lots of times it's because people don't know what to say but then i equally think that's a bit of a cop out too at times.
I also have a friend who'd had fertility difficulties who got pregnant and I was rly supportive throughout the pregnancy and have been since baby has arrived too, but its like shes forgotten im still on this journey. The conversations are all about the new baby & that's understandable & i am happy to have those conversations but equally I know those were the same conversations she'd tell me she struggled with when she was trying to conceive & it's like she's forgotten that now. This whole journey isn't easy at all!
Thank you, sorry your in the same position. It's hard always being the 'strong one' people come to or at least people think you are. Just out of interest have you ever said to your friend about it being hard for you? I haven't to my friend as don't want to take anything away from her pregnancy but do wonder if I should xx
I haven't said to her, i worry it would create tension particularly when she knows already how it feels having been through it herself. She seems to have forgotten though :/
I also worried it would be misinterpreted as me not being happy for her when I truly am. Every baby is a miracle!
I did at one point say to another friend (after a few drinks lol) about how difficult i was finding things and that I was upset no one had checked in with me and she told me that no one wants to upset me and so they don't say anything and whilst she was initially supportive things ended up going back to the way they were and so I didn't bother bringing it up again. My husband is really laid back about it all too he just keeps saying it will happen don't worry. He's a very laid back individual lol but don't get me wrong he's very supportive of me when I'm upset. Sending love to you xx
That's what I feel too, definitely I'm always happy for someone that falls pregnant and has a healthy baby especially if they've been on this roller coaster journey.
I think people soon do forget, they don't realise the impact treatment had on your life. My husbands the same - I always say if he was any more laid back he'd be constantly lying down 😂 but he's a great support to me. Thank you for your messages it's really helped xx
Let's just hope it's our turn soon! Maybe the fact they seem to forget isn't such a bad thing, maybe it means when the baby comes all the heartache we feel now disappears. Trying to draw a positive xx
You're not alone. I feel the same. I sometimes feel like I don't have any friends anymore. I comfort myself by telling myself it won't always be like this. You are a very kind person (I remember your post about looking after your brother's children) be as kind as you would be to others to yourself. Xxx
Ah thank you, I think my SIL text have a lot to do with my mood swings last next she text me saying it's hard having 2 kids waking up when the sun does and I felt like replying 'least you've got children to wake you up' but didn't 🤐 xx
I don't want to come across as bitchy that's why I don't? I mean she knows how hard things are for me and I've told her and my brother numerous times that I love my nephews but don't need constant insensitive texts about them but nothing's changed xx
Thank you, it helps me knowing that. Maybe it is time I was a little more blunt with them xx
Not pathetic at all, totally totally normal. I used to get angry too, as the years of ttc went on and on.
And your friend, I had one of those too. Daily pregnancy symptom updates and she knew my situ. I'd avoid her calls for a while.. self preservation. I have a child now, through IVF - but i have not forgotten those friends who were a but, well, cruel. Not really friends anymore. Likewise, those that were nice, some were parents - I have not forgotten their kindness and support and am still friends with them.
But honestly... you are totally normal for how you feel.
but as I said to another lady on here - what helped me a lot over the last year before IVF, was telling myself over and over, that I wanted my baby not their baby, their baby with their husbands - I only wanted my baby (whether own egg or DE) with my husband. It helped realise that I actually wasn't as bothered as i thought I was about their pregnancy or their children. I know it sounds a bit selfish - but it's true..
Don't judge yourself for what is totally natural and human feeling.
Oh and I know this sounds a bit mean - but a few of my friends who seemed to have it all (married, got preggo easily, one was also a clomid pregnancy and she's now getting divorced) well, not all is as it seems. A few have since split up from partners or moan and moan about being parents. I am not saying I am glad this has happened to them, I am not - but i just want to reassure you that things aren't always what they seem, even on the other side of the fertility lottery.. (although I don't in any way mean to minimise how dreadfully horrendous infertility is)...
The thing with us IVF girls, is that we do appreciate what we have, or what we will have - and there is a lot to be said for that xx
Thank you, that's very true I do always say my husband and I have the strongest marriage out of anyone I know and I'm sure a lot of that is down to IVF. It's nice to hear a success story through IVF 🙂 xx
Hi e_05 I think I'm struggling with similar feeling as yourself right now and I struggle to make sense of everything. I feel like a burden and that I can't speak to the people who know about my situation because I just don't think they know how to help anymore. I think it's made me realise that I need professional support and guidance from someone who understands the impact that fertility issues can have on you because I cant deal with leaning on people who can't and don't know how to give me what I need.
I don't think anyone can ever prepare you for this crazy crazy journey. You are definitely not pathetic it's take such courage and strength to get through this some days are bad but there will be better and good days as well and this is the part to focus on for now. Please private msg me if you want to off load, be kind to yourself and I hope you can take some comfort in these msg. Xxx
It's so so hard. I used to love to watch "One born every minute" in the days where I was filled with hope, before ivf, before my first bfn but after our loss in April I can't bear to watch it. I still record it and if I ever get another bfp I'll have a binge watch. But yes, it's such a difficult journey that unless you've been through it, people don't understand xx
I'm exactly the same! Last year when I was pregnant I was able to watch it again and then soon as I miscarried it was like turning off a light haven't been able to watch it since xx
I had to stop watching the soaps as there were too many pregnant stories which I know is crazy.
I'm sorry that you're feeling lonely and I can relate to that feeling- I often bottle things up and don't want to burden loved ones. It can feel like a dark place at times. And how we all pick ourselves up and carry on is amazing- we should all feel very proud of ourselves. We are made of strong stuff xoxo we are all here for you xoxo
Thank you, I'm exactly the same unless someone asks me I won't bring up how hard things are for me or that I'm struggling. It's a hard ole' journey this xx
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