My first post here. Wow I’m struggling, harder than ever before. Bit of a backstory - myself and my partner have been ttc for 4.5 years. I’m 25, have endometriosis and have had two surgery’s. One ablation surgery, and most recently I’ve undergone excision surgery. I’m at the top of the list for IVF, however my bmi is still above 30 so have a bit of work to do first. I have a ‘friend’ who was also ttc, she had pcos, was overweight, a smoker, her partner had low sperm count. She got pregnant. In comparison to my journey, hers was considerably ‘easier’ in the sense that she didn’t try for a year before being referred to a fertility specialist (in fact her Mum is best friends with the local fertility consultant and got her referred) her bmi was 37 and she was given chlomid instantly. (She already has one child) Before getting pregnant we spoke a lot about our shared yearning for children. Now she’s pregnant! She bombards me constantly with scan pictures, baby clothes, photos of every possible angle of her new product etc. It’s every day. I’m heartbroken, and I feel so much hatred towards her, she is being so cruel. Aside from this, everyone... and I mean EVERYONE of my girlfriends are currently pregnant. All due at similar times, all meeting up without me to discuss babies, they all have big plans to go to baby groups together and I’m left here with nothing. I suffered so much with my endometriosis that I could no longer work, this caused a huge phase of anxiety states which lead me to turn to anti depressants and basically spend the whole of 2017 recovering. I went to cbt, I had more surgery and now I can happily say that I’m off anti depressants, and I am feeling the benefits of my recent surgery. But, I am so alone. I have no one left to talk to! All my friends are pregnant, and the closest person left is my sister, who’s also pregnant. Then there’s my mum who fell pregnant instantly each time with me and my siblings and has NO idea of what I’m going through. When people say ‘it’ll happen’ or ‘stay positive’ I want to punch them in the face. How can I stop feeling so alone? How do I cope for the next 6 months when every month a new baby is due on my friendship group?
People keep saying ‘but you’ve got ivf coming soon’. Yes, that’s true. BUT we have one shot at it, and what if it doesn’t work? It’s not guaranteed! I just really need some help and support. I read about people struggling with pregnancy announcements but has anyone ever had it this bad? When your 5 closet friends are pregnant, and your sister? (Not to mention the other acquaintances on social media and everywhere I turn)
Today I got told I’m a mother without a child. (Hence the username) but wow, that hurt so hard.
Any advice on how to keep picking myself back up? Any body been through similar? How did you cope?