I feel guilty for saying this as so many women have been through miscarriages but I’m depressed. I’ve been ttc for three years and not even a hint of a line. I’m not eligible for ivf at the moment as my bmi is slightly too high (although if I lived in another part of the UK I would be eligible 😡) and so I’m just stuck in limbo. We paid to have tests privately so we know there is nothing wrong with us, it just doesn’t happen. I have the Ava watch and we dtd at the right times and still, nothing. I’m so fed up with it. Just came back from a family holiday with my two sisters and their beautiful daughters and now I’m stuck at home, feeling very due in at cd23. I took a test just in case and it was bfn as to be expected. I just feel there is no counselling support for those in my situation. I can’t go through my clinic as I don’t have one close enough (the one we went to privately is an hour away) and when you google for counsellors, they are for people who have had miscarriages etc (again I feel guilty writing that). I also feel like there’s no point pushing myself to lose that stone in weight for ivf as can’t see why that would work. There’s nothing wrong with me so why would ivf help? Why would it be any different to us dtd at the right time. My sister has endometriosis. They got rid of the scaring and now she has a 3 month old. I feel awful for saying this as I know endo is a life long condition but I feel jealous that they found something they could fix with her so now she has a baby. They can’t fix me as there is nothing wrong. Only my negative thinking and anxiety but I don’t believe that truly stops someone falling pregnant (despite what my Nan will tell me).
What’s the point in continuing? It’s affecting my relationship. It’s affecting my work and I just can’t carry on.
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jennielouises
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Me and my friend both have endo and she was about to have hysterectomy, she was told she won’t be able to fall so has never really “tried” then she conceived, miscarried and then fell again 2 months after and now has a baby boy. My endo was no where near severe and have had 2 misscarriages over 8 years and still don’t understand why it happened for my friend and not me 😕 even my last transfer didn’t implant.
It sounds silly but positive thinking may not make you a baby but it will help you mentally. It’s so annoying about the bmi but if I was you i would focus on getting my bmi to where it needs to be so you can start ivf. Since I started ivf I feel there’s more hope to hold on too. Took me ages to get here with operations and tests but I’m glad I’m here now rather than worrying it might not happy. Have you watched one more shot on Netflix? That really helped me, one of the couples said “ we will have a baby we just don’t know how or when”
Since then this has been mind set, I will be a mum but have to go through all channels to get there ❤️ Xx
Thanks. I hadn’t heard of that show so will give it a go. For me I just feel like even ivf won’t work. How can they make it happen when they don’t know why it isn’t!
You never know hun, but you never will if you do try.
There’s lots of ivf options that may work for u. With ours they injected my husbands sperm into my eggs and watched them grow and now I have 3 in the freezer. So now they have to implant in me which is harder with my endo but if you have a healthy uterus then your in with a good chance. X
My transfer is Friday then I test two weeks after. Be kind to yourself today, tomorrow is a new day. Put a plan in place to help with your bmi and then go for it ❤️ Xx
Hi hun. Sorry that you’re feeling so low. My infertility was also unexplained: all our test results were really good, actually, so the doctors had no idea what was causing it. I thought it was frustrating, at the time, (especially because we were ttc for 5 years!) but in the end I realised that the unexplained category is a good thing: it means everything is working! We didn’t qualify for ivf on the nhs because I’m not a British citizen, so we went to Greece. Doing ivf really helped me because I felt pro-active. And for us it worked first time: I’m 35 weeks with a little girl. So my advice is to go for ivf. Lose whatever weight you need to (you’ll probably feel better with some weight off anyway) and get on the waiting list for your clinic! You can do this girl! Just takes things a step at a time. Hugs!
Congratulations! Can I ask where in Greece? I’ve had two failed cycles here and am looking at serum in Athens. Don’t know anyone that’s been but the communication has been great and have asked me things I’ve never been asked before and offer things I’m not being offered here.
Hi. I’m really sorry that you are feeling this way. I just wanted to say I know how frustrating it all is. We’re classed as unexplained too, and have been ttc for three years. I was slightly underweight and had to put on weight to be eligible for IVF. Felt so much better in myself after I put the weight on. We’re about to start in Oct/Nov. It’s all that’s keeping me going at the moment. It’ll all be worth it if you decide to proceed 😊 xx
Bless you lovely, it's incredibly frustrating. I would 100% recommend going for the IVF! They never found any conclusive reason for us not being able to conceive naturally and that actually makes you a good candidate for IVF. I'm currently 17 weeks pregnant so I wouldn't write it off as an option x
You’re not alone. Believe me we are all trying to get to the same destination, we just get there in different ways xx be kind to yourself. This is not your fault x
If you can afford a shot at ivf, even if you go abroad then I’d definitely try if I were you. “What if?” is a horrible thought to be left with for the future. If it doesn’t work then at least you can say you tried everything and have no regrets xx
Oh dear hon, this is so hard to go through but don't give up hope yet - you'll see lots of people on here, myself included, who have fallen pregnant from IVF without having had a clear diagnosis to explain the infertility. I think it's definitely worth trying and gives you something to aim for and focus on - and you can keep trying naturally in the meantime. Today's a bad day, don't fight it, give yourself a day to feel sad and start over fresh tomorrow xxx
We were exactly in your situation. Nearly 3 years ttc, not even a line and every test under the sun both NHS and private to be told in air quotes that we were unexplained and they weren't sure how to help. Due to having all the tests done we were put forward for 1 cycle for ivf which we were fortunate enough to have work first time. Part of my protocol was 1 baby aspirin a day and clexane as one of my doctors thought it might be an implantation/blood issue and we were fortunate to have it work 1st time and with our only 5 day blasto (we had 3 but the others weren't considered strong enough to survive a thaw if they were frozen). We now have a 5 month old girl. If you can, really try and lose the stone or even half to prove you're willing to go down the ivf route. It isn't scary at all, especially if you've had lots of testing done already. Good luck on your journey xx
Hi Hun, sorry that you’re feeling this way. I know this journey is difficult and that there can be real lows to trying to conceive.
When trying to get pregnant much is outside of our control but from what you have said there is something that you can possibly control if you’re able to motivate yourself enough. Why not focus on lowering your BMI if that’s currently what’s preventing you from being accepted for IVF. The advantages of IVF is that your eggs are fertilised with sperm and placed directing into your uterus. When trying to conceive naturally the egg and sperm don’t always meet (even when you time it) and therefore the egg doesn’t fertilise. This crucial advantage can make all the difference.
Please don’t despair. Focus on what you can change because from what you said doing so can open a door that may just give you what you so desperately want.
Thank you all for your replies. I’m glad I’m not alone and understand more that ivf can help “unexplained” infertility. It’s put things a bit more into perspective for me. I think I also need to work to get my mind in the right place too but the nearest counsellor is London which is 30 miles away
I had unexplained infertility too and it is difficult, especially when everyone around you seems to fall pregnant without issue! I got a fantastic book by Zita West which helped me focus on ensuring my body and mind were in the best place. We ended up going down the ivf route and I have to tell you it is both mentally and physically draining so you have to be in the right headspace before embarking on it as it really takes a toll!
There are also some great mindfulness apps you can download, and give acupuncture a whirl, I swear by it! Good luck!
Sorry your feeling like this I know exactly how you are feeling it is so so hard you feel unwomanly and every month you think plz don’t come on let me see a positive and no yet again your not pregnant it controls your life you think why me while everyone else around me is falling !! Maybe you should try focus on getting your bmi to what it should be might help you have something else to focus on then start ivf it’s giving you an option I didn’t want to start ivf took me a while to get my head around it but I am going through it now and just have to have some hope that it will work I have a heart shaped womb and fibroid so even if I do fall I won’t know if the baby will survive it won’t be save until 5 months which is so scary but I am taking the risk everyone’s bodies are different hope ur ok xxx
I am so sorry to hear you are feeling this way. It is so hard as every month you get your hopes up.
In regards to the weight, i was recommended to try juicing. Jason Vale did a documentary about how a juice diet cured loads of people’s health issues. A friend of mine had unexplained infertility, tried two rounds of ivf (both failed) and decided to take a step back and get herself healthy. She tried juicing and got pregnant a couple of months later (naturally). Now has a two year old. There is an app you can get for a three day detox (i lost 5 pounds)
Maybe speak to your gp about counselling. Maybe you could call relate (they deal with relationship councelling).
Just try to give yourself a break. Easier said than done but we need to be kind to ourselves!
Hi there, I am in the same position of unexplained. We have also been trying for 3.5 years. Two shots at IVF which didn’t work.
For me it felt like a big mountain to climb taking the decision to go for IVF. When you are ready or have managed to get your head around it (easier to do if you have a medical reason preventing you falling pregnant) it feels quite empowering. You are taking a bit of control back in the situation.
If you have weight to lose then the mountain will feel even bigger. Small steps and small challenges.
I have done Fit bit step count challenges and try to swim a couple of times a week. Juicing sounds great!! Zita west is a good idea. She is a bit of a guru and her clinic is meant to be excellent. Her clinic may do online or phone counselling (at a cost)
IVF was less demanding and brutal than I had been expecting. The injecting was ok (and I don’t really like needles). The drugs do affect you mentally and I think I felt quite low with them. I got some acupuncture with a fertility specialist and actually she was a great sounding board.
This group however is so supportive and is a massive help when feeling you need to reach out or even just to read some other stories.
My view is that in order to forgive myself for not falling pregnant, I need to know I have done everything I can to have tried. Then I can settle myself with it.
There are sad days, and easy to get caught up in it. But there are also positive days where it just slots into perspective. You have your health and there is no reason to not fall pregnant. Keep your mind busy with other things and exercise is a massive healer for your mind. If you continue to feel low then I would speak to your doctor. A problem shared and all that. Best of luck with it.
Hey, just wanted to say that before my ivf stuff started, I went for talking therapy via my GP/community services. It was self-referral online and quite a wait but it was so helpful to talk through my feelings on my unexplained infertility. It wasn’t fertility specific, but geared around me so still v helpful. I was in such a low place and struggling to know what to do to help myself out of it - it was so helpful.
Whilst the weight loss is something to definitely focus on so you can move forwards with ivf, if you’re struggling to do this as you’re feeling low mood/motivation then talking therapy/counselling, even though not specific to a fertility clinic, might help you get on the right track.
I got lucky and pregnant on my second round of ivf with unexplained infertility. I also used the ivf clinic counsellors when the time came & this also helped with my nerves & coping with the loss following the first cycle.
Sending you lots of love, this journey is so tough xxxx
I found a counsellor in the town next to mine that has experience in helping people with infertility. I messaged her last night so hopefully that will help. I think I need to take a step back as someone said and get myself healthy, both physically and mentally. X
It’s such a difficult journey, completely understand how your feeling. Me and hubby were ttc for over two years and I was getting really depressed. We had all the usual tests and they couldn’t find a cause either. We pressed on with ivf as I felt we stood a better chance. We had our first round of IVF and it worked on our first attempt much to our surprise. I have suspected endo too so thinking this was the cause for me. I would proceed with IVF as it helps you stay focused. Please open up to people as much as possible as the infertility journey is a painful one. Wishing you all the best ❤️ Xxxx
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