Hi all, hope you’ve had an amazing Christmas, spending time with your loved ones and spoiling yourselves.
Christmas was a bit bitter sweet for me this year. My sister and my 2 year old niece came to stay which was lovely, but putting her to bed, snuggling up with her and watching my husband play with her hurts. Can’t help those “will it ever happen for me” thoughts.
I went into this 2nd cycle not feeling positive or negative, just neutral and I’ve been pretty good at living day to day and not thinking too much about things. Had a bit of a melt down the night before FET though. I think I’d been bottling all my fears and feelings up and they just poured out that night.
So transfer day came. One of our embryos survived the freeze thaw process but didn’t look too good so they thawed a second. The first one went on to die which really upset me. I know it’s a possibility but I just felt like it was another loss. They transferred the second embryo which seemed to be fairly good quality. I tried not to think too much about it all over Xmas and having family to stay seemed to be a good distraction.
The thing is that now I just can’t shake the feeling that it hasn’t worked. I know some people don’t have any pregnancy symptoms and do get their BFP, but I haven’t felt anything, apart from a few cramps and feeling tired. Last time I convinced myself that I had lots of pregnancy symptoms, but It must have been all in my head.
My OTD is 3rd Jan and I just feel so scared to find out, but at the same time I want to know one way or another so I can start dealing with it. Every day just seems to be going so slowly. I just hope and pray this is it for us. The NHS only fund one round where I live so if it’s another BFN we’ll have to go private and I just don’t know where we’ll find the money.
Sorry for the negative post, just need to get all these thoughts and worries off my chest.
Wishing you love, luck and baby dust for 2018.