I’ve never written a post on any sites (other than FB) and so this is a first for me. I’m 2 days past getting a BFN on our first and probably only self funded round of IVF. I don’t know how I feel anymore. Numb. I didn’t think I’d feel this devastated and neither did my husband. All the odds were stacked against us and yet we managed to get 2 eggs. I was incredibly shocked to hear this news but didn’t want to get my hopes up. I’d fully prepared myself for no eggs at collection. We were initially recommended ICSI however on the day DH’s count had improved dramatically so they performed IVF instead. Out of the 2 one fertilised and other wasn’t mature enough. So 1 x grade 1 embryo was transferred on day 3 and stupidly I actually started to see a little hope.
7dp3dt I experienced period type pains and thought it was all over, however I had been told this could happen as could spotting/bleeding etc so tried to reassure myself that it was implanting.
Seeing yet another negative pregnancy test especially after being on the highest drug long protocol is pretty hard to stomach as there’s really nowhere else to go, I honestly couldn’t believe it was negative.
I’ve read through many heart wrenching posts on here at different stages of my journey yet here I am now pondering what to do. I just honestly can’t believe it didn’t work. Though I should add I am 41 so odds wise it was always going to be tough. I’ve stopped the cyclogest pessaries as advised by the clinic and now waiting for my period to arrive.
We have to arrange a follow up appointment with our Consultant but I’ve no idea of what to expect. I almost think it’s a waste of time. Sorry this is is so negative I’m just very, very sad. Xxx
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Jennifergood
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Oh lovely I’m so sorry, a negative is bloody hard, you put so much into it, and still there’s nothing we can do. The best thing right now is to just be kind to yourself before you regroup. This probably isn’t helpful now, but most clinics treat the first round as a tester, which is no good to us emotionally, but it does mean they have much more info about you and your husband now for them to have a more detailed plan. I’d say definitely worth going to the follow up just so you have completed everything, and they may shed some light on where they thought it went wrong. You could also ask to see the counsellor? I found it a life saver after my first failed round, I literally lost the plot, and know that feeling of numbness. I wrote everything down as well, got out all the crap, and painted, I paint anyway, but painted quite angry paintings! That might not help at all, but channeling it helped me focus. Diane also will email you a list of questions if you message her which might be helpful.
Thank you for your kind words. My husband and I have been talking about it all and we said how strange it is that you spend a great deal of time with the clinic and staff, traipsing back and forth for scans extra drugs etc. Then at crunch time, you’re on your own! Thank you for the advice, I’m going to write it down I think that it will be quite cathartic and I’ll ring to get an appointment for us with the counsellor. I’m coming around more now to seeing the Consultant. It’s the moment you wake up in the morning, open your eyes and remember ‘oh yes, it’s failed!’ I guess it’s still a little raw at the moment.
I’m so sorry for your result. BFN are truly devestating and you left in limbo until your follow up. I really found the follow up useful, they put things in perspective and they can learn so much from the first cycle.
Look after yourself, I know for now you feel awful and just let it all out and try to move forward, get up each morning and carry on and you should feel more positive going forward. The pain does go away...
I’m so sorry to hear of your BFN, we got our first BFN from ICSI on Wed and today is the first day I’m starting to feel anything other than that numbness. Be kind to yourself and vent your anger if and when you need to. Take good care of yourself xxxx
Hi Jennifer, firstly so sorry you got your bfn, that feeling of numbness is horrible and yet a common feeling amongst women who get a bfn, so your are not alone in how your feeling.
What was the reason for your being on the long protocol as normally with ladies who are late 30's onwards they are on the short protocol as apparently it's not as harsh on the body. I did 3 fresh cycles and 1 frozen cycle with my own eggs, which resulted in 2x chemicals. I've just turned 40 and have now after many months of getting my head round it all moved onto Doner Eggs. I have 4 good grade blasts sat in the freezer at the moment but due to lining issues have not yet had the chance to replace any of them.
They may talk about Doner Eggs at your follow up, as out of all my cycles I only got 2 blasts and they were both from round 1.
As we have had to now fund ourselves after much thought we decided to go down the Doner egg route as it had the highest chance of success.
If it was not for this site, I would not really have known much about Doner Eggs or even how common it is now adays and reading lots of ladies posts on here really helped me come to terms with it all.
I hope your consultant gives you some answers and what ever you decide I wish you all the best xx
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