Disappointed

[Ladyluck11]

Yesterday we had our follow up appointment regarding what happened to our failed frozen embryos.

We waited just under an hour to be seen, which annoyed my partner but were always late to be seen in there.

When we finally got seen it was with a consultant that neither of us had met before, and regarding the situation I would of much preferred to see the consultant that we have seen in the past, considering that this was probably the last time we were going to be there.

She asked if a student nurse could also be in on the meeting I said yes but later on my partner said she shouldn’t have been there.

I had wrote down some questions but not writing the obvious down as to be fair this is the reason why we were there.

So the conversation started with do you want to ask any questions.

I’m sure if I had seen the consultant I’ve met with in the past would of dived straight in with what happened or give some reasons to why it happened.

It felt like she didn’t know my past and everything we asked it took her a age to look through my notes because she didn’t have a clue about my situation, some questions she had to go out and ask. I’m really shocked and upset so is my partner especially of the sensitively of the appointment I felt like I was just on a production line to just get through the appointments quickly as they were running behind, it was our last NHS go unless we can find a egg donor which she surprised me with the upped aged of 36 ( but wasn’t totally sure) when asked how you even begin to ask anyone that question she pinpointed me to the counselling lady.

Then out of the blue she mentioned if we would be interested in embryos donation. Me and my partner have never been told this is an option but she would need to speak to the donor nurse to see if this was an option for us. We have never heard of this before but later on my partner said he didn’t like the fact it was someone else sperm that had made the embryo. Which made me sad as it took me a long time to accept that I couldn’t have my own DNA child but I now accept that it has to be donor. I knew it would be growing in my body and feeding off my blood supply, learn our values and beliefs. I don’t want this to break us apart we have been together for 10 years and starting to plan our wedding next year. This has put a spanner in the works and I’m afraid that if I get married and he doesn’t explore other areas and we don’t end up having children will I look back on my life and think what have I done. I love my partner he is my rock and I know this news to him is new and we don’t know anything about donor embryo transfer, I feel like his family are stuck thinking well you can only have a child the natural way.

I’m disappointed in my clinic, the reason why? Well she couldn’t tell me, give me no reasons why it could of happened either. Just kept saying I’m really sorry, didn’t know any answers to our questions.

I had started to pick myself up after these last 6 weeks of hell and due to go back to work Thursday, feel very down again not with just the clinic but with my partner as well.😥

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

Give your partner some time and see if he’s willing to see the counsellor (maybe without you there) to discuss his feelings about donated embryos. It’s a different thing for him as he won’t carry the child either, so maybe he’s worrying about being able to bond.

I’m sure the clinic have discussed this with you, but do you have an option of him doing sperm donation to make another egg donor round more affordable for you?

I know we all feel we don’t have much time in this process but a bit of time and space really might make all the difference to his thinking xx

[Ladyluck11 in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

Thank you,

No the clinic haven’t mentioned about him doing sperm donation. And didn’t mention about his feelings about embryo donation either, felt like we were in and out within minutes feeling worse than we went in.

Unfortunately at that clinic you can’t pay to have egg donation as all the eggs go to NHS patients.

If I can find a egg donor i can use my other go free butI’ve only got until my 40th birthday to do so and that is less than a year, it’s not like you can say to someone “ are you using your eggs can I borrow one”

I can understand what your saying about point of view from partner.

Thanks

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to Ladyluck11]

Sounds like it might be worth talking to other (private) clinics if you have them in your area. I’m sorry you are going through this x

[smithy1986]

hey hun, my sister in law is on a programme at the moment where they give you one cycle of your own eggs of IVF/ICSI with all your meds, clinic visits etc included and then if you cant get pregnant from your own eggs they move you on to egg donation where they find you a perfect match donor and all your meds etc are included to. she is 41 at the moment and they still have her the option to try with her own eggs. Her eggs unfortunately didn't work but she feels like she's exhausted all her options and now she's on her egg donation treatment and she absolutely loves it. She said it was expensive but if they don't have a baby they get all the money back too. Their donor isn't in the UK though they get sent abroad for their egg donation transfers and they come back to a UK clinic to be looked after so it all depends on how youd feel about that. There are so many options available and the NHS are USELESS at telling you exactly what is out there to help you get your baby. your absolutely right, its a conveyor belt constantly churning out poor women who just need some support. I hope your ok, DM me if you ever want to chat xxxx