Can't shake this disappointed feeling with myself 😕

I know i should be happy but I'm feeling so fed up today. The clinic called with the results of how many embryos we have to freeze....only 3 were good enough. We have 6 others left another day (to day 6) to see if any catch up but of course..no guarantee!

I had 34 eggs collected - 17 fertilised - 9 were good/excellent on Monday and today 3 were able to be frozen. I just can't help feeling a little disappointed with the number 3 😕 I know how lucky we are to have even 3 frozen for later transfer but I'd got my hopes up for a few more then 3.

I'm really confused as to why so many just weren't good enough..

Any advice or words of wisdom appreciated xoxox

[LauraGU]

Don't lose faith. I went on day 5 for transfer with only one for transfer. They said they would leave the others another day to see if that catch up and they did so I have 2 frozen now. I know how you feel but it's not over yet! Xxx

[Hidden]

Hi jade, sorry to hear you are disappointed but as you say keep your chin up and remain positive, You have some in the bank so as long as you have embies you have possible babies.

I would maybe ask you clinic the reasons behind your drug package.

If so any reason this cycle did not work out they would need to look at that. 34 eggs is a really high amount and it may be the drugs have been too strong and they have overcooked you a big. I am sure there are much more medical terms for this.

Need to think positively for your frosties, these are only questions you should consider if the cycle is not successful. You are a long way from having to have any such discussion.xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you both!

I know I am so lucky to have the 3 frozen embies, I really am and I will be grateful for that forever as it gives us hopefully 3 attempts if needed to become parents. I just had hoped for a few more.

The clinic were reassuring that they were good quality embryos I think the grades were 4BB x2 and a 5BB. What this means I am not too sure 😕

I will be asking asking a free questions when we have put next appointment deffo so thanks for your advice.

Just so scared for the future as we only have this one funded cycle and I am so desperate for this to work, I think I am just beating myself up as a typical woman who feels she hasn't done good enough 😤😭 xox

[Hidden]

That's totally understandable love, I think no matter the outcome with treatment you always panic about whether what u have is enough.

Any indication as to when transfer might be?xx

[Hidden]

Absolutely. I think it's only natural especially on this journey to worry.

No idea about transfer yet. I'm hoping to speak to the clinic tomorrow to start the ball rolling now we know we definitely have some frozen xox

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hopefully it won't be too long. Keep your chin up and remember you have good grade embies and at least 3 chances 😘

[Hidden]

You did very well.i had 4 eggs collected.4 was a shock .i am below 35 ,changed medication this cycle ,ate well etc.it was really disappointing and made me feel like a total failure.3 died and one made it to day 5.Thank God.currently on day 9post transfer.i test on sunday and hope it worked.give yourself a pat on the back.you did well.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou! I know i am lucky to have 3 good embies - i really am. And there are people in a lot worse situations then me so I am really thankful for the 3 I've got.

It was more disappointment with the numbers - with having so many collected & fertilised it was a big shock only 3 were good!

But today is a new day...we have 3 shots - we can do this 😊

Good luck with your test!

xoxox

[Loopielu in reply to Hidden]

I had four collected yesterday and know how you feel. Clinic apparently knew I would be a low responder from my oestrogen blood test but thought it best to tell me that after collection 😔. I'm older than you but have been so on it wit diet and lifestyle so I've been feeling really pretty crap. I've got two fertilised this morning so everything crossed they make it to tomorrow and we're just getting them both straight back in! Best of luck - I hope you get a BFP! xx

[Hidden in reply to Loopielu]

Hi loopie loo, thanks for your reply. It's such a horrible feeling isn't it? I'm praying for you that you 2 embies are good to go tomorrow 🙏

I'm still waiting for the call today to see of we have anymore but I'm not holding any hopes out. I know I'm lucky to have 3 frozen I really do but with such high numbers I really hope for a few more.

Really hope that you get your BFP xox

[Busybee88]

I completely understand - I just wrote a similar reply to you on emden6's post about OHSS.

I had 47 follicles, half of which were mature, 11 eggs, 10 fertilised and then than number dropped to 4 and then finally 1 to freeze.

I really struggled with this as I didn't want to start from the beginning and risk ohss again but I've got my head round it now and our little 5-day old 'bro' in the freezer, and have just taken the months of recovery to get myself in shape both physically and mentally. We took a holiday and it left me feeling better.

If it doesn't work out then we may need to start again but as our counsellor said, the first round is the test where they don't know how much to stimulate you. For us both they now know not too much! Hopefully being less stimulated will produce fewer but stronger eggs for us both.

All the best for your future transfers, it may not necessarily help but I'd be feeling much happier with 3! Haha but the grass is always greener. If our odds are 1 in 3 then you've got a winner there!

xXx

P.s. We only get 1 free cycle too so understand your concern there too!

[Hidden in reply to Busybee88]

Thanks busybee! I feel like a brat for being disappointed but after all that we go through to get here the emotional toll has been to a maximum and the numbers just don't seem so good!

I'm so thankful we have 3 - no doubt about that but from having so many we just had our hearts set on a few more so we knew we wouldn't have to go through it all again!

But these things are sent to try us - all being well and if needed we have 3 attempts. So hopefully one of my magic 3 will be enough!!

We're going to do the same. Have a holiday, have a complete break from the ivf worry and for me get my body back and mind before we embark again on the crazy journey! Hopefully ending with a positive result this time.

Best of luck to you!!

[Busybee88 in reply to Hidden]

Not at all - of course you can feel disappointed as well as grateful. I was so disappointed to go down to 4 then to 1 but know that we're lucky to have one 5AC. You're not being a brat at all, it's all the expectation that we build. I had hopes of egg sharing etc. when I was expecting loads of eggs, particularly since I'm young and healthy so it's a shock to then be praying that you don't lose them all!

Enjoy your holiday and your rest, it will do the world of good I'm sure. And don't worry if you have a wobble at any stage, everyone on this site is testament to our ability to pick ourselves back up again x

P.s. seen your latest post - congrats on the 4th catching up!

[Hidden]

Update - We have one other little fighter that has made it today 😊😊 taking my total to 4 frozen good quality embryos! This makes me feel abit more comfortable. I prefer even numbers 🙈 consultation booked for a couple of months time already so have a little while to focus on myself! Lovely 😊❤