IVF success that ended in miscarriage

I am 39 and was diagnosed with endometriosis 18 months ago (I had no symptoms, but was struggling to get pregnant despite all other tests being normal). Following a laporoscopy, trying naturally and clomid we then embarked on IVF.

IVF resulted in 7, day 5 blasts of which 2 were transferred and the tests frozen. Both implanted, but only 1 had a heartbeat at our 7 week scan. I then miscarried at 9 weeks. This was 2 weeks ago.

I would love to hear from others that have gone through a similar IVF experience and / or have laterally had success either naturally or through FET / IVF. How have you coped?

I feel like the miscarriage has been the ‘straw that broke the camels back’ so to speak. The past 18 months have been hard. I feel isolated, lonely and struggle with friends getting pregnant / their small children.

I hear of women that go through endlesss rounds of IVF and do get a happy ending. I just want to learn how to cope with the ups and downs as I am feeling totally floored following this miscarriage.

Many thanks in advance for any advice you can offer.

[E_05]

Welcome to the forum, I am so sorry for your loss. I to had a lap, clomid and then began our IVF journey April 16. I to fell pregnant after our first cycle but sadly had a missed miscarriage, I then went on to have 2 unsuccessful FET’s and have recently had a 2nd fresh cycle again resulting in pregnancy and a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks, I went in at the weekend to have medical management which hasn’t worked. All I can say is take time to grieve for your baby, in time you do find the strength again and I believe talking does help. Don’t put pressure on yourself to rush into another cycle if your not ready xx

[Hidden in reply to E_05]

I’m so sorry you are having to go through this again. You must be devastated. I hope things are moving forward now for you?

We’re in the process of trying to make a plan for what we do next. We have options and the doctors are all very positive about our situation. However I’m sure they are to everyone unless the prognosis is awful! it is making me feel better to have a plan even if I am not ready to move forward yet. I’m just sick of feeling this way, so have decided to get some councilling too.

Take care

[E_05 in reply to Hidden]

Unfortunately nothing has happened so I’m back to the hospital today, yeah devastated beyond words tbh that this is happening again.

I agree it does help to have plan I think it gives a sense of at least feeling in control of something on this journey, i hope the counselling helps. Look after yourself x

[Hidden in reply to E_05]

Hi there,

It’s been a few weeks and just wanted to see how you are doing? Has the miscarriage happened now? I hope for your sake it has.

I am 5 weeks post D&C with no sign of my period yet. Have been super emotional / irritable the past few days so truly hope it is on its way.

How long did it take for your body to return to normal last time? Worry with all the IVF drugs my body will be out of whack for ages!

Thinking of you, x

[E_05 in reply to Hidden]

Hi, I’m okay taking each day as it comes I ended up having to have a D&C last week as the 2nd lot of medical management didn’t work either.

Last year it took about 4 weeks and then my periods just re came as normal but I know for some women it can take some time and I guess it would depend how regular your periods normally are? Hope your doing okay x

[Hidden in reply to E_05]

That’s really tough. Makes me almost glad I just proceeded with a D&C. Hope you can now start to move forward. Must be so hard.

My periods were regular before all this treatment - every 27-29 days. Don’t know if all the stim, OHSS and industrial doses of progesterone may slow things down. At my 9 week scan my ovaries were still enlarged following the IVF OHSS which is quite a scary thought.

Just feel getting my period will mark the end of one chapter and the beginning of another, hence my impatience!

I’ve read that offer you need 20 days of being miscarriage bleed free before you get your period. If that is true, then hopefully I get mine tomorrow - fingers crossed!

Sending a hug. It’s just horrible. X

[Dream32]

This is heartbreaking I'm so sorry for everything you have been through.

I started ivf just over 12 months ago, after ttc for six years. I had two chemical pregnancies then after I was dignosed with endo this July when they removed it from three places. I started my FET straight away and now I'm pregnant but I am terrified as this is now the longest I have been pregnant for.

Have you been to see anyone who specialises in endo or miscarriage?

I hope you find some answers so your dream come true x

[Hidden in reply to Dream32]

How far along are you? Just try to keep telling yourself that the chance of miscariage for each pregnancy is low compared to the chance it will be fine. You deserve to be in the successful side of this given what you have been through.

You must be strong to have been on this journey for 6 years. It has been 18m for me and I’m already going mad!! Be proud of yourself for that.

I am fotunate that my IVF Consultant was the guy I originally saw for endo - he did my lap. We were unsuccessful in trying naturally after the lap when endo was removed. There is a risk it has come back but it isn’t impacting IVF and I have no symptoms so unless we move forward to just trying naturally again I don’t really want anymore invasive surgery.

On the miscarriage I am going to see a counciler to help me move forward. As I’ve only had one, no one seems to what to do anything differently / investigate. I may push for additional meds’ when I next do an FET (I.e. get them to consider me as a patient that has had several miscarriages).

The doctor is very positive that our baby is in the remaining 5 embryos, and it’s more a question of when, rather than if, we get our baby. However, until it happens, and given the journey, it’s hard to have their positivity!

Have my fingers crossed for you that al goes well.

[Dream32 in reply to Hidden]

I'm six weeks tomorrow and go for my scan next week I'm so excited but scared. I feel really blessed this time round 😊 I only had mild endo and my consultant said it shouldn't effect fertility but depending on where it is it can attack the embryo mine was in urtine, cervix and bladder. I understand you not wanting any surgery. What meds were you on last time?

I'm not sure where six years went life passed us by so quick then we started the journey two years ago.

I really hope you can get some answers and counselling is a good way of just letting things out that you can't get across to other people. X

[tiger-cub]

Hi dear . Read my profile. It's not easy I know . And I can't console u as I feel d same but I guess even worse . But d gurls here are all lovely. Hope u feel better. Whether u like it or not there's no way apart from keep trying or giving up. So get urself together to move forward. 😘😘

[Aleelilook]

Hi Mogwai, I’m so sorry for your loss, I too had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks after seeing the heartbeat the week before, and it was nothing but heartbreaking. I allowed myself to be really sad, and I was very honest about it. I painted a lot, and my counsellor was invaluable and kept me afloat. I still have pangs of sadness but I’m in a much better space, but it takes time. You need to be kind to yourself. Have you booked your follow up appointment? We had a third round which was a flop, so now preparing for my fourth after seeing a specialist consultant in embryo development, and have really changed up the protocol so fingers crossed. A plan will definitely help you to see into the future, but annoyingly you have to wade through the shit first. Sending my love xxxx

[bibiz]

Hello, I'm very sorry that you had to go through a very difficult situation. I also understand that all the failures contribute to the fact that you lose faith in luck. My husband and I are in a similar situation at the moment. We are preparing for the second IVF, because for the first time our attempt was unsuccessful. After the first failure, I felt very bad, I thought that the second attempt would not help me. But we decided that we need to fight to the finish. Now I'm preparing for IVF, I stick to a protein diet, I drink a lot of water, now I try to lead a healthy way of life. My husband stopped smoking because at the first attempt of IVF he could not quit smoking. And now we are afraid that smoking can affect the outcome of this case. Of course, I try to believe in the luck of the second attempt, but I have a feeling that the second attempt can also be unsuccessful. At the moment I'm increasingly thinking about the surrogacy. You see, I'm already tired of fighting, I do not like waiting for results for a long time. I think we needed to decide on a surrogacy much earlier. Of course, this requires money investments, but everything has to be paid for, time and nerves also cost money. I'm just worried about the fact that it's important to be able to bear a child and give birth to a child, and not just to conceive a child. Now, I think that it would be better to entrust this to the surrogate mother. She would be a completely healthy woman. And after your message, I began to worry even more. Because I'm afraid of a miscarriage, suddenly IVF will be successful, and then ..... Sometimes communication on forums helps me, but today I began to worry. But in any case, I inspire myself that I must be strong. At least for the sake of my husband, who is so worried about us, he works very hard to pay for all the necessary procedures. He even refused to buy a new car, which he had dreamed of for several years. He always supports me, I think that without his support, I would have surrendered a long time ago. Therefore, I am ashamed before him, I am ashamed of my weakness. Although he told me that everything will be fine with us. Even if IVF is unsuccessful, we can use the service of surrogacy. My husband will be able to pay for this service, but probably we will have to go abroad. Because in our country, commercial surrogacy is prohibited. Dear friend, I wish you have patience and faith in success. No matter how your life has developed, you must be a strong and self-confident woman.

[Tugsgirl]

There really isn’t a quick fix answer on how to cope with your loss or on dealing with other people getting pregnant and having babies. It’s a daily struggle but all you can do is ride it out and take each day one at a time. I’ve had two missed miscarriages in 6 months (last one was September 25th). I have good days now and bad days. Our baby we lost in April would be due this Friday. This is a very very emotional end exhausting journey. It’s so tough. You just have to try and hope that it’ll all be worth it in the end 🤞

Ps. I’m so sorry for your loss xx