Secondary infertility

Hello...

Just after somewhere where I can talk, say how I'm feeling and find others who are experiencing the same hell that I am currently going through.

I'm 30, my husband 35 and we have been trying for a baby for 3 years now. We already have a son who is now 7 years old and I miscarried 2 and a half years ago also. Since then it has been month after month of heartache.

We are finally being referred to a fertility specialist after our routine bloods/tests came back relatively normal and are hoping that something can be done to help us.

I want to be positive but the past 3 years have left me feeling drained, lost and incredibly isolated - it is not a topic I find easy to open up about and very few people are aware of our struggles.

Is there anyone else in a similar situation? What are the next steps on this painful journey?

Many thanks

JB

10 Replies

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  • Hi hun im in a quite similar situation to you.

    Sorry your experiencing such heart ache it's awful πŸ˜•πŸ’—

    I'm 32 my hubbys just turned 34 on Sunday and we have a little girl who will be 4 in November she was born via emergency c section we've been trying for a sibling for nearly 3 years no luck we've conceived twice in the last few month and lost them really early on. I had 3 miscarriages in 2009. In Feb had a lap after 18 years of docs pushing me here and there and not knowing about endo. When my symptoms got incredibly worse after stopping breast feeding my girl. I asked Dr Google and came across endo. Long story short endo confirmed and zapped what they could in feb told I had slow tubes and to go for ivf. I declined and looked for natural ways. Conceived in April and may lost them and now iv been referred to miscarriage clinic although I do think my endo has returned also so probably need another op to be able to conceive again. Such a headache this journey is.. Hope you get some answers soon and you get that gorgeous baby in your arms sooner rather than later.

    πŸ’—πŸ€—πŸ˜˜

  • Thank you so much for your response.

    I am so sorry for your losses. I never fully understood the effect a miscarriage could have on a person, I only experienced one and it still affects me now.

    I just can't understand how my body got pregnant so easily with my son and then with the baby I miscarried but nothing since.

    I have slight endometriosis but they have never been overly concerned by it... maybe the specialists will look into it further. I just feel so out of control with it all and just wish I could be more proactive.

    I used to have hope every month but now I have just resigned myself to the fact it won't happen.

    I really hope that you get some answers too and one day the heartache stops for us both and is replaced by our beautiful babies ❀️

  • Thank you hun.

    Maybe your endo needs treating because that can have an impact on fertility mine is supposedly minimal also but I think it gets missed a lot by general gynae. I defo am going to get operated on by a specialist next time. It is, hard miscarrying seems like I'm getting used to it now (sad thing to say) it's like I'm quite resilient to it now not saying it doesn't affect me just I remember how I reacted to my first and my most recent and iv dealt with it a lot more differently. Probably because of my daughter keeping me on the straight and narrow.

    Try not to be negative about it not happening hun. I was reading something the other week and it said the body knows when it is in the right way to sustain a pregnancy and being happy and releasing good hormones really helps the body work in good harmony whereas negativity releases all the negative bad for us hormones. What's good for us is good for bubz and what's bad is bad for bubz. Wish I could find the link for what I read that day but it made so much sense even though it is so simple logic we find it hard to remain positive in these situations. You do find when people forget about the ttc and the stress that comes with it they conceive on a whim and can't believe it themselves. Lots of miracle pregnancies all the time happening that turn Into lovely little bundles of joy. Try hold on to that thought. πŸ’—πŸ€—πŸ˜˜

  • I have read similar articles in the past and it makes so much sense but in reality it's just so difficult to keep positive. I really do try but I'm a worrier which doesn't help!

    I think once I've spoken with a specialist who deals with this every day it will hopefully reassure me a bit and give me some hope that things will be ok.

    I guess we have to be very grateful for the children we do have - my boy definitely keeps me going πŸ˜ŠπŸ€—

  • It, is so hard isn't it. Iv been really down these past few, days just at the sight of my endo returning it's driving me mad I didn't even go to my mums bday yesterday I'm that not with it. Trying to arrange to see a specialist who will deal with it once and for all or until I have another baby.

    I agree once you see the specialist you'll feel much better hopefully something they can sort out without anything drastic.

    Good luck hun let me know what happens when you have your appointment Message me anytime. πŸ’—πŸ€—πŸ˜˜

  • Bless you. It completely takes over your life doesn't it? I too have been feeling pretty down lately. I have so many people round me getting pregnant at the moment and it just makes things 10 times harder. My son is also desperate for a sibling and I know he would make a great big brother - feel as though I am letting him down.

    I hope you get seen soon and that they can fix the problem once and for all. Just know that you are not alone in the way that you are feeling and if you ever want to talk/vent I am more than happy to listen. Sending hugs πŸ€—

  • Sorry hun I didn't realise you messaged back. I hope you didn't think I was being rude. It is tough I know the feeling you mean like letting your boy down I feel I let my girl down all the time due to my recent pains been back. It's a tough one. I keep saying once I hopefully have another one ill get a hysterectomy just to stop this endo problem. Thanks for being there to talk to and I hope you get answers soon .message me whenever hun. Sorry for late reply. πŸ’—πŸ€—πŸ˜˜

  • Hi JB

    I am really sorry for what is happening to you. I sometimes wonder why it is easy for some people to conceive while others find it difficult. But I think God loves you JB, you already have a son, and you said you had miscarried two times? This is good signs though. I think you should not worry because at least you can conceive. However, you need to find out the problem that you have which makes it difficult for you to carry the pregnancy to full term. Perhaps to give you a starting point, I would like to know whether your first born was through normal birth or CS. If it were CS, I would request that you conduct a fertility doctor so that you can be examined. There are chances that your womb may have been scarred, and so it cannot carry a pregnancy to full term. Second, I would like to find out if you have suffered from any form of STDs. In the past 7 years. If you have, then your fertility doctor can start from there.

  • Hi jb I am in the same boat & finding it tough. I’m 33 with a 3yo and desperate to give her a sibling! Be good to share stories I will pm you x

  • Hiya, would be great to talk to someone else in a similar situation. Pm me whenever you like 😊

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