IVF uncertainty, secondary infertility

[Clairelbrown]

I have a 4 year old son with my husband conceived naturally within 3 months at the age of 31. We have been trying for another child for over 2 years. All tests came back ok but my husband's was slightly borderline but the GP wasn't concerned and kept saying we will get pregnant soon. That never happened. We have now decided to try IVF and we have our first appointment tomorrow but I suddenly feel very alone and in a dark place which I have been before and I can't seem to get myself out of it and I am petrified.

I am scared it won't work and I will be absolutely devastated. All my friends have 2 children and they want to help me through it and try and understand but I feel they can never understand what I am going through.

Frustratingly I started spotting today and my first private IVF treatment plan appointment is tomorrow. Is it too late to start treatment this month?

[HollyT7]

its unlikely you’d start treatment this month I’d say, mainly because of all the tests you’d need to have before hand and potential follow ups and consent appointment assuming this is your first appointment? One thing I took from ivf was that you really have to go with the flow and get used to the unexpected, because the unexpected (especially delays!) will certainly happen! It’s a dark pit to be in, but there’s another side to get to, so you just sit tight, your one day closer regardless of when you start xxx

[Clairelbrown in reply to HollyT7]

Hi, thanks for replying. I have had all the tests and consent etc. This is the first nurse appointment for treatment. I really hope we can start this cycle. Not sure I can wait any longer x

[HollyT7 in reply to Clairelbrown]

Have you been over how to inject with them? One of my first nurse appointments after consents was for this, then they set up our plan of when we would start. I would set yourself to be starting on your next cycle, especially if you’re already spotting. Your just where your supposed to be right now so keep that in mind xx

[soccerkt6]

Hi lovely, male factor issues are one of the most common causes of secondary infertility and the fact that your husband's semen analysis came back borderline should have made the GP look more closely at him. Before you start IVF, I would strongly recommend going to a private urologist who specialises in fertility (like Dr Jonathan Ramsay) to have your husband checked out more thoroughly. It's very possible that he has something like a varicocele or infection in the urinary tract which is compromising his sperm quality. If this is the case, the good news is that both things can be fixed and you may not require IVF at all.

In case you're interested: the reason is that male factor is a common cause in secondary infertility is because a woman's eggs have the ability to "fix" a certain amount of damage in a man's sperm. However, as women get older their eggs have less and less ability to repair the sperm, so male issues that may have always been present but were previously fixed by the egg, suddenly start to cause problems when couples go to get pregnant again a few years later.

Anyway, I hope this is helpful. Def get your husband checked out by a specialist before you proceed any further! Best of luck, infertility is a crap place to be xx

[Hopeful_88]

Hi Clairelbrown, I've learnt 2 important things on the infertility journey:A) not to compare myself to others, and B) that it is a very long game with a lot of waiting

Everyone's journey is different and it's never helpful to compare to those lucky people who have had it easy. I had depression and anxiety for around 2 years before the light bulb moment came to me. It will always cause unhappiness and make you feel inferior to compare yourself to others, infertility is so unfair but you are not alone. Take the small wins as they come and accept it is a waiting game and may take a while longer until you get a result, and you will pull through.

Good luck on your journey! X