Fertility Network UK
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Secondary Infertility - giving up (how to?)

I am new to this forum and have eventually decided to post something online after years of looking things up and scouting forums ( you know how it is!).

My gorgeous little boy is 4.5 and we have been trying for a second for the most part of that, say 4 years. After investigations it turns out that although I am ovulating, I have 1 inexplicably blocked tube (no other problems) and so as it could not be unblocked with various procedures I have been prescribed 6 rounds of Clomid to give things a boost. IVF would be the next option but I really don't think I could take it, especially as it is further complicated by us needing to travel away for it ( we live on an Island).

I have more recently realised, especially since my little boy has started school ( he had to start when he had only just turned 4 :( that so much time has passed, maybe I should just move on and let it go. As my husband says, it is like feeling sad for something that has already not happened. By the time a second child started school now, my first would be on his way to highschool. Such a gap changes things significantly.

Has anyone else with secondary fertility found any ways to cope and "let it go"?

I have 2 rounds of Clomid left and sometimes I feel like throwing them in the bin I am so sick of it all and sad and each month with the predictable despair / relief / positivity / hope / caution / planning I have had enough emotionally.

My husbands works 12 hour shift including nights so that makes things extra difficult so it's not straightforward as to just cracking on and taking the final 2 rounds. With that it is probably unsurprising that I was prescribed the Clomid last spring and have only decided that 4 months out of nearly 12 it's been worthwhile taking them!

Every other person I know who has a child around my son's age now has their second or is about to.

Also my brother and sister in law announced this week that they have a baby on the way.

Aghh I just feel so pissed off! Secondary infertility is a unique pain. If there was a pill I could take just to let it all go I would.

Anyone else?

6 Replies

Hi macadamia!

Sorry to hear about your problems. That's great you're striving for one more child.. and that's even much more wonderful news you still have that chance .. the chance to conceive ..despite the problem you have with your tube. I believe you should take that chance.. don't be afraid of going abroad..do you have some particular clinics in mind? is it dificult to travel there? I know there's quite convenient places in europe to get qualified help with your ivf cycles .. Don't give up please..


Hi crlnbr,

Thanks for replying :) I think I am running out of striving! I know that's bad as we have not started the IVF route, but I don't think I have it in me to go through it all! We have an option to link with an accessible clinic and could travel there but I think it would just add to to the stress of it all, all three of us would need to be away for a week for treatment, at short notice.

I think maybe should just count my blessings and move on : / . I would so like to do that positively.

Have you been dealing with all this stuff long?


Actually I have the same desparate feelings .. especially each time after failed ivf round .. so far I've got the neccessary support .. from my dh mostly, from my friends and relatives and on these forums too.. that's really been helping me to keep struggling .. I've been dealing with all that stuff more than 3 years officially.. and I'm on the edge already as well as I can see u are. That's why I ask you not to lose hope.. I was surprised with the number of people that face infertility problems nowadays.. but there are so many successful stories as well.. a quick look at the article here made me scared a bit (you may check the link here if you want newseurope.info/infertility... )

I'm just trying to be optimistic and want you to be too xx


Thanks crlnbr - you are very strong and it's great that you have got lots of support around you. It is amazing what can be done and I hope it works out for you very soon. Infertility is more prevalent than we think, although it definitely doesn't seem that way when you are out and about! xxxx


Not quite the same but I am nearing a similar issue.i have no kids & 1 embie left to try.my partner has already indicated he's had enuf and doesn't want to go any further if this doesn't work.im scared of letting it all go.i don't want to have any regrets but at the same time,like u said, the whole thing is so emotionally draining.i would like that pill to that just makes it all go away xxx


Oh 72cloud9, yes I can see the similarity with the complex feelings. I am totally crossing fingers and toes that this next try works for you and you get everything you wish for and have been through so much for xxxx


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