Dealing With Secondary infertility

[Sd42]

After my son turned 5, i have been trying to conceive and have failed to do so. Whenever i share my concern with anyone,they do not understand my urge to have a second child since i am already blessed with one! I long to give my son a sibling and have been trying for over two years and i am feeling very frustrated now! My reports have shown that i haven't been ovulating properly and a friend of mine has suggested IVF but i don't know how successful will that be. I want to know if IVF and surrogacy is allowed in secondary infertility. Require help and support from people who have faced this situation before!

[Lilly08]

Hi Sd42,

I totally understand you. Only the ones coping with the same issues can. I'm facing something similar. Although I haven't been diagnosed with secondary infertility yet (doing check-ups next week), I'm concerned about my age and at the same time I'm longing for a little brother or sister for my only child. I'm 47 and my lovely son is 10 years old. Because of my age, we started to consider adoption, as an option. We found out as much as possible about the process and it really takes a lot of time. So it became a bit difficult to count on it. And when I was almost about to accept the fact that we are not going to have more children, we heard about surrogacy. IVF could be another option too. However I haven't done my mind yet. I'm doing some research about it and I would love to know other women experiences. I truly believe we shouldn't give up! x

[Sd42 in reply to Lilly08]

Thank you for the support... have you thought of opting in for IVF or surrogacy

[Lilly08 in reply to Sd42]

Hi Sd42. You are welcome. We are always here to support each other Yes, we have thought about both. We are considering surrogacy because I'm already 47 and not sure about eggs condition. We gave up on adoption

Surrogacy with eggs donor seems like the best option for us. We are waiting for the diagnosis and tests results next week to make a decision. Got an appointment for Monday. Doctor said is most likely to be secondary infertility. These days I've been looking for some clinics abroad, after recommendation from other members. Planning to contact a couple of them.

I understand that IVF and surrogacy can be allowed in secondary infertility and many other cases...however its success depends on each person's case..

What about you? Have you done tests and checked with your doctor?

[Bec-A]

Hey. You can definitely have ivf but you will have to pay for it as the NHS only fund it if neither of you have any children. My sister was struggling to conceive for 4 years after her first one, but now has twins from ivf. She did have to go through it 3 times and end up spending over 20k to get there, but that's not to say you shouldn't at least enquire with your doctor. You may get lucky and it work first time 😀 Xx

[Alice_W123]

Forget about that insensible people.

You need some documents from your doctor about second infertility.

It`s allowed. Both of them.

[Sd42 in reply to Alice_W123]

Thank you for the information.. the encouragement is great

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi Sd42. Time to speak to a specialist. Perhaps some help with a drug such as Clomid might get you ovulating again, I don't know. it will be worth having a proper consultation so that you know what your options are. Good luck and I'm thinking of you. Diane

[Sd42 in reply to DianeArnold]

Thank you for the support Diane... it means a lot

[Hugsie]

I completely understand your frustrations. I'm in exactly the same boat. I have been trying for a sibling for my daughter for 2 years. I have a referral to see a consultant at the beginning of next month.

Have you been referred to a fertility clinic?

[Sd42 in reply to Hugsie]

Thank you for your message since it makes me feel i am not alone. I am on the lookout for clinics.. I have been advised to try other countries as well since its illegal in many areas here.. Best of luck for your consultation... Which clinic have you opted for?

[Hugsie in reply to Sd42]

I'm going to a clinic at my local NHS hospital at the moment. We're Just waiting for a diagnosis and to see whether any potential treatment can be done on the NHS. If not we'll have to start researching private clinics.

Best of luck to you.

[Hidden]

Hi lovely, I can completely relate. My son will be 7 this year and have been TTC since he was 2. This year we decided to go for private IVF and I'm currently nearly 7 weeks pregnant (I hope! - still waiting for an early scan to confirm this)

Get your investigations done & don't give up - IVF is a real possibility xxx

[Sd42 in reply to Hidden]

Congratulations thats great news!

[Hidden in reply to Sd42]

Thank you xx

[Hidden]

Hello! I'm in same boat. We went to our GP who could do semen analysis and a progesterone test, both of which returned lower than average results for our ages. The NHS in our area (Essex) don't even fund IVF for couples with cancer or HIV so we had no hope of it being funded so went to a private clinic recommended by our GP (the consultant there is also the top NHS consultant in the area.)

My issue is that my husband argues we should be spending the money on our daughter rather than on IVF to have a second which may not even work. He has a point and I am struggling with that.

Have a look at clinics in your area. Most offer a fertility assessment package which will include a range of tests to see what your best options are from there based on your age and test results.

Good luck!

[Sd42 in reply to Hidden]

Nice to know that you are taking things so well. How is your treatment faring.

[Hidden in reply to Sd42]

The consultant at the clinic advised us to take 6 months off trying and see what happened (no ovulation tracking or testing, going on holiday, having a few drinks etc). We've got 2 months left and still no BFP but we're feeling much more relaxed. Not sure if we'll do IVF or just accept that our daughter will be an only child but don't think we can make that decision until we've reached the 6 month point. We keep talking about it but both not-so-secretly hoping it will just happen so we won't have to make a decision.

[Sd42]

I am new here and i am so overwhelmed to see all your responses! Thank all of you for the support. It feels so nice to know that i am not alone! This time is really emotional for me and i appreciate all the advice. i have been prescribed medicines for ovulation and i have been consuming them for over two months but they have not helped me till now. My husband and i are open to IVF but we are not sure about the results since my first born was conceived normally.

[Hidden in reply to Sd42]

This is a concern for us as our first was also conceived with no issue. Our consultant said our chances were good even with lower than average results on AMH, follicle count and semen analysis as we had conceived naturally before.

Don't rule anything out.

X

[Sd42]

I have sent you a personal message ... please tell me more about it

[ClarabGlasgow]

I am in the same position , trying for number 2 for 20 cycles and have a 3yo conceived with no issues at all. A big worry for us & found out yesterday that I have a low AMH so I fear IVF may not work either but going to try it. You are not alone & it is so comforting to know that xx

[Sd42 in reply to ClarabGlasgow]

Even i am thinking about trying IVF. I hope its successful for both of us.

[Hidden]

Hi lovely I'm in a similar situation.

I have a son who is 18 from a previous relationship. My hubby has no children which makes this situation even worse and more stressful.

We have been TTC now for 5 years and 11 months. Before last month our diagnosis was "unexplained infertility". So frustrating!! Due to chronic pain in my lower left side my suggested a laparoscopy which endometriosis was found and implants were removed. My consultant was surprised as he had always thought the pain to be bowel in origin. Prior to that I had been put on clomid as our consultant thought I might have polycystic ovaries causing the abnormalities in my cycles. I had been discharged from our first ex NHS clinic with trying or IVF and we won't fund your treatment. Several issues with my cycles lead to being under a general gynae ( I had a hysteroscopy due to bleeding between my periods all clear) on my second appointment ( had been discharged as I had to chose between trying for a baby or having symptoms treated) he recommended I needed a Fertility consultant not him-so with that we got another bite of the cherry so to say couldn't believe it!!! And we are under the head consultant 😊 our next appointment is 27th July to discuss the way forward ( hoping to keep trying for a few months before considering private IVF seeing as my ovaries are normal and my tubes are clear and my endometriosis has been treated and hubby's sperm is normal)

My understanding of funding of the NHS regarding secondary infertility is they will conduct fertility investigations and any medication like clomid which helps women who have trouble ovulating. Any assisted conception such as IVF you will have to self fund. You have said you have difficulty with ovulation providing your tubes are clear and hubby's sperm is normal you should be given clomid- to try for 6 months ,( they won't do any longer than due to risks,) if say that wasn't successful you can then try private IVF. Its nice to explore other options before considering IVF ( which is very expensive and you may not need it 😁)

Others around me think it hurts less as I have a child it doesn't. I love my son and he is my world but I still desire a baby. Infertility is still infertility and is painful. I have only told a few people because I find most people don't understand or worst would pity me! That's why I haven't told work. Its a personal choice. Don't let others make you feel bad for pursuing treatment in order to have another child. Its nothing to do with anyone except for you and your husband. The rest can keep their opinions to themselves. And usually it's those who have conceived easily that like to chip in!

Finally all the best I hope it brings you a positive test soon. xoxo

[Sd42]

Thank you for this message. Your advice is so encouraging and It feels wonderful to have support. I totally agree that people often think that it pains less since we already have a child. I am so sorry to hear that you had to go through laparoscopy.I am unable to ovulate and there was a slight blockage in my Fallopian tubes. It is very inspiring to see that you have been through a lot and still haven't given up. It gets very frustrating at times Only people sailing in the same boat as us will know how we feel. I have heard that IVF is not too expensive in many countries abroad like Russia and Ukraine and i am still researching on it. Where are you getting your treatment from. Wish you all the luck for your appointment. Do tell me how it was.

[danysh13]

oh, so you haven't been there before right?

have you ever thought about adoption? it was my first option if to speak truth.. then we came to surrogacy as we were explained some points, my eggs were of good quality and I was able to undergo a stimulation, so we wanted to save a connection to our child

but your case is a bit different, may I ask a question? does your husband have no issues with fertility as you go to ukraine and it plays a significant role there.

you know each person has one's own perceptions and attitudes of a surrogacy. For sure it's a stressful journey which takes a lot of time, nerves, money and hope.. no one could tell whether this is easy.. no all could accept the fact the baby is carrying by other woman , it depends on various aspects

to your question about trips there, first of all you have to go for an initial, then for signing the contract(in case you won’t take a decision during initial) then for scan(i suppose your husband won't have a desire to go there for donating his sperm as it could be done during signing the contract. they will be able to freeze his sample)

then for 12 week's scan and other scans as well(just in case you want to see it personally)

then before the due date( I suppose the manager will tell you about this)

any questions you have?

[Sd42 in reply to danysh13]

Thanks for commenting on my thread. Do they provide solutions for secondary infertility as well? Do you have an idea.

[danysh13 in reply to Sd42]

if you can't get pregnant and you have all prescriptions for any fertility treatments then yes

can you carry a baby by yourself?

[Sd42 in reply to danysh13]

Yes, my reports are normal otherwise but i have a problem in ovulating. I have been taking clomid but that doesn't seem to help. Since secondary infertility is not funded here, i m looking at other options.

[danysh13 in reply to Sd42]

you have fertility issues and clomid didn't work for you, right? have you ever think about egg donation? as far as I know you have to have some prescriptions for a surrogacy(for example you can't carry a baby for yourself )

[Lilly08 in reply to danysh13]

Hi danysh13. Thank you for your reply! It was very helpful.

Actually my husband and I thought of adoption, but process is long and we are too old to deal with it. We don't want to wait for ages to have a second child.

Obviously going for surrogacy is not an easy decision. We are still researching and thinking about it.

Luckily my husband has no health issues. His sperm counts are good. The main issue is my poor egg quality and my uterus. I'm almost 50 years old and I can't expect my body to work as if I were in my 20s.

Based on that, surrogacy with DE is a good option for us.

Yesterday I contacted some of the clinics in Ukraine and I was asked to send them my medical history and some examination results. They seem very professional.

We are already in this journey. Hopefully it won't be too long.

Please, keep me updated about your experience

[danysh13 in reply to Lilly08]

to LILLY

i'm grateful my explanation was useful for you

we were asked to send a set of test results before going there as well unfortunately we didn't have all of them that's why we did them at clinic, thanks god we were provided with medical examination for free.. anyway, send them the results as it would be helpful, they could help to understand your health state and understand the general situation and all possible ways of solutions

good luck

[Lilly08 in reply to danysh13]

Hi danysh13.. Thank you for your helpful answer. That sounds great. It's good to know they can offer that service too. I have all my tests as well as my husband's so I don't think I will need to do anything extra there. I'm just giving it some thoughts to all the subject..before making the big step. It is not easy. Your story and other women successful stories encourage me somehow..