Secondary infertility

I am the mum of one beautiful 3 year old daughter. We have been trying for a second for 18 months with no success. Every month gets more difficult, more painful. The cycle of hope then devastation, depression then hope again. I have so many overwhelming feelings, guilt, anger, sadness, pain and I don't know what to do, or who to talk to. My husband seems so much more content to wait and doesn't understand my pain. We have been to the doctors, they have referred to the infertility clinic but warned us there was no chance of getting IVF on the NHS when you already have one healthy child. The doctor also said we should just keep trying and it would probably just happen for us. I want so much for a second child, i feel like there is this aching gap inside me, and long for a baby to hold. I just need people to talk to because I feel so alone and so full of anguish.

7 Replies

  • Hi it is a very difficult time and hard to deal with. You've obviously had 1 healthy baby so know you can get pregnant it maybe will just happen when you least expect it. This forum is a very comforting place. I'm not going through treatment right now but it helps to read comments most days. You do get some very reasonable deals if you go abroad especially if it's just the standard ivf xx

  • Hi. I feel your pain. I'm a mum of a 4 year old girl and have been trying for number 2 for 3.5 years. I feel the same about wanting another baby and for me a massive part of my need is for my little girl to have a sibling, especially because she will have no cousins/family of her own generation and the thought of her growing up without a sibling and having no blood family in future years fills me with dread. I was pretty laid back about it until we hit the 2 year point of trying because it took us 2 years to conceive out first (due to miscarriages, ectopic, issues with tubes) and also because of my age (I'm now 41).

    At least now that you have been referred for tests etc, you should get a better idea of what's in and out of your influence. You may not need to think about the IVF route at all, there are lots of things they might try depending on your results, especially since you've already conceived naturally. (I keep getting told that's a huge bonus in your favour). They managed to sort my problems without IVF first time round so I conceived naturally, this time it's different because of my age and low egg reserve but we are about to begin an egg donor cycle abroad which has much higher success rates and we are feeling optimistic.

    This website is full of helpful people and information, hopefully it can give you some support along the way. You're definitely not alone!

    Mhairi x

  • I can sympathise what It must be like to go through all of this as I have a 3 and a half year old son and I had aheasions removed from my pouch of Douglas and Endo removed after this was done I was told by my consultant to try for a year and if wasn't pregnant to get my doctor to refer us to infertility clinic I saw the infertility clinic last year and was told that because I have one healthy son we weren't entitled to help on the NHS with ivf and said cause It happened naturally with my son chances are it will happen again me and my husband have been trying for baby no 2 for three and a half years and its really upsetting when my period arrives I get so depressed and my husband said it breaks his heart to see me like this and all we want is to do is give our son a sibblin I know. We should be grateful for what children we have but iv just got to the stage of just giving up trying all together I hope that ur time comes soon for having another baby wish you all the best of luck xx

  • Hi Rachmc123, I too have been in the place you are now. I have a five year old son and we have been trying for over 3 yrs to have a second. We are now just about to start I.V.F next week and it's our first cycle. I'm 43 so the percentages are very low as I have low AMH but we are being positive and will see what happens. Before going to the clinic I did a mindfulness course and acupuncture, it really helped me focus on being happy for now and not "what if" has helped with stress too which is a huge factor in infertility and with already one child and we both work full time it's hard to fit everything in. I would recommend going to a private fertility clinic and get some checks done, they do all your bloods, thyroid, iron, vit d and immune and they are specialists so may recommend a treatment of medication if something is up. You don't have to go down IVF route but it's better to find out now what they can do to help and I know when doing all this it made me more relaxed as I was doing something! They also recommend supplements and guide you about nutrition for you and your partner which I found very interesting and will continue with whatever the outcome of this cycle. My son is our world and I would love another baby but if it doesn't happen i am going to be so glad that we had him and pour even more love (if that's possible) into his life and spend more time with him. Enjoy the time you have with your daughter as once she starts school they grow up so quickly. Relax and enjoy life and have fun and get some tests done....then decide what to do. Don't let this affect your life now with your husband or daughter, life is so precious. All the best. Xx

  • Hi, sent you a pm, hope you got it 😃

  • Pumpkin36 who did you send pm to? Please add name. Thank you.

  • Hi Londonrc, so sorry I wasn't specific - rookie error!

    The message was to rachmc123.

    Sorry again for the confusion xx

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