Social media ignorance! 😒

[sarahlovs]

Just putting this out there...

A girl I know from school has just had her first baby, about 2 and a half weeks ago. I'm happy for her, she's happily married having been with her husband for a few years and is very much enjoying her family. But O...M...G....Facebook overload. And by overload I mean there's 45 photos (and counting) of said baby as well as several more status updates. He's only about 15 days old!

I feel awful for saying it, but it just gripes me. Ignorance is bliss for some eh. I wonder if I would be the same if the boot was on the other foot? I'm more sensitive than ever to the feelings of others around me. I can't find it in me to delete her, she was once a very good friend. But I'm now rolling my eyes everytime I see a new post, as well as feeling the usual stab of sorrow that I'm not able to share such lovely photos.

I know what's on social media is what people want you to see. There are many pregnancies and new babies on there. I shouldn't be but I am hooked to it, I browse regularly. But can't help but feel like I just can't get away from it all.

So that's why I'm so glad for this outlet to just have a guilt free rant!

Hope you've all had a good day 😘😘

[E_05]

Ah I'm totally with you on this one! Have you thought about unfollowing her at least then you wouldn't cause any friction and could still see her page if/when you wanted to but wouldn't have to be faced with numerous photos? I've had to do it with a few of my 'friends'.

I also wonder if I wasn't faced with infertility and just 'fell pregnant' would I be the same. I'd like to think not but maybe I wouldn't be aware of the sheer heart ache this journey brings.

It's like pregnancy announcements I've never understood why people post them for about 200 likes from people they barely speak to, now more than ever I've told my husband whenever we are lucky enough to be in that position il never post one.

This definitely is the best place for a good vent xx

[sarahlovs in reply to E_05]

I will unfollow her, I didn't know you could do that so hubby has just shown me. Sigh of relief!

I really hope I wouldn't be that ignorant if things had worked out differently. What is sad is how much time she is actually spending on Facebook with numerous updates rather than spending the time with her baby or family. I'd be showing my baby off to the world by going out and about! Giving out cuddles!

You're right though, for some the 200 likes mean more.

I feel well and truly vented and glad I'm not alone in reacting in this way! Xxx

[E_05 in reply to sarahlovs]

Your definitely not alone, oh that's good, hopefully that'll help for the future.

So true, I often think that to and wonder how much is it just for show cause if everything was as good as they made out, they would be out enjoying their time. I find it so frustrating when people moan about their pregnancy on Facebook to like they don't realise how lucky they are!

I've thought about coming off Facebook but think I have to change so much of my life due to infertility why should I give that up to when often each annoying post is followed by something that makes me smile xx

[sarahlovs in reply to E_05]

I know what you mean, as much as it aggravates me sometimes Facebook can and does put a smile on my face from time to time. I'm now equally as hooked to browsing the news feed on here! Xxx

[Sprinkles86]

I had this with a close friend of mine... unfollowed her on Facebook for a good year or so! This journey certainly opens your eyes and makes you more considerate of others feelings I think xxx

[sarahlovs in reply to Sprinkles86]

It really does! I know she just wants to share her joy but she just doesn't know what's on the other end of it. When my time comes I'll spend my energy sharing my joy with my nearest and dearest and not with social media! Xxx

[Sprinkles86 in reply to sarahlovs]

Yes... people are so busy putting stuff on social media these days (in general not just baby stuff) that they are missing out on the special moments xx

[sarahlovs in reply to Sprinkles86]

I agree! Xxx

[Hampshiregal]

Do feel free to rant away. I'm certain that everyone I went to college, university, have ever worked with etc. all have children and grandchildren.

I'm eating chocolate chip cookies right now xx

[sarahlovs in reply to Hampshiregal]

Now a chocolate chip cookie would sure make me feel better! Although I do feel like I've let off some steam 😫😧 xxx

[Cyantist]

As a disclaimer, I had successful ivf but it still annoys the hell out of me. But you think this is bad, I have just counted all my friends pictures of her baby. There are 3454 of them! Ok she is 9 months old now but 190 were posted before she was 3 weeks old!

That doesn't annoy me as much as people moaning about pregnancy though. One friend who I know had to have treatment (after years of trying and with several failed cycles) posted that it's horrible being pregnant when it's so hot! Surely having been through all that you'd be a bit more sensitive?

Makes me wonder why I even bother looking at Facebook. Like you i think I'm a bit hooked. If there are people who annoy you though just remove them from your feed.

[sarahlovs in reply to Cyantist]

Crikey that's a LOT of photos!!

I totally get what you mean about the pregnancy part. This particular person who I'm on about went on a big weight loss programme before her wedding this time last year. Then when the pregnancy came along she posted pictures of her bump but worded that it was 'hard to accept' given the fact her tummy was growing again....I couldn't believe what I was reading!

I can't help but look through Facebook, it's become part of life. I shouldn't let it bother me as much as it does sometimes. For every annoying post there's always a few that make me smile. Tonight though I was just sick of the same photos and hash tags! #firsttimeparents #newborn #mummyandson ....That's enough!! 😲

I didn't even think to unfollow, I know what I'll be doing from now on! 😊 xxx

[Hidden in reply to Cyantist]

I'm with you Cyantist, Had successful IVF (now considering FET with my 1 frostie), I still cannot bear the way people word their scan and baby posts on FB.

My baby is nearly 2 and there are prob a total of 19 pics from over the 2 years, and many of those are distant all of the family pics.

[Tugsgirl]

Use the "hide" option. I've used it so much I barely have anything on my newsfeed except adverts lol 😂

I used it just a few days ago on a friend, a supposedly close friend, who knows my heartache. She has five children. She'd posted a meme which read "You wanna know what it's like having a fourth kid? Imagine you're drowning then someone hands you a baby" She'd put "Haha imagine that lol" I wanted to scream! I wanted to comment "Yeah, imagine that!!!!!!!" 😡 Needless to say my "close friend" is now hidden from my news feed.

Your friend doesn't seem to be as insensitive as mine, rather just an excitable new Mum. However I know how much the constant reminders can hurt xx

[Hidden in reply to Tugsgirl]

oh my gosh, that's really horrible and actually quite distasteful for a number of reasons. Good job on hiding her in your news feed. xx

[Tugsgirl in reply to Hidden]

We all have to do what we have to do in order to cope don't we? xx

[sarahlovs in reply to Tugsgirl]

It's amazing what a brave face we learn to put on! Can't believe your friend said that, I'm hoping it was spur of the moment and she just didn't think. I'd happily have the fourth kid for her! Xxx

[Tugsgirl in reply to sarahlovs]

She has 5! This kinda thing is very very common from her believe me! She can be so insensitive. She never thinks. And then she wonders why I keep things from her! I just feel like it doesn't matter what I tell her, she doesn't change her ways. She says she gets it but how can she? xx

[Anjko]

Hon just hide her posts!! That's excessive.

It's filtering without needing to delete.

[sarahlovs in reply to Anjko]

Done! What I don't know won't bother me now! Xxx

[Alice_W123]

I just blocked all of the annoyance from the Facebook and other social media.

If I wish to know something I`ll find and subscribe for it.

Sometime you feel yourself like it easier to delete you profile, than watching on hundreds or even thousand of mummies.

I can handle few of them, but this (soc. media) is already too much. They recommend even more of them. OMG

So blocked it and if someone needs to contact me they use pm (private message).

P.S.: some people overacting is such cases, especially with baby.

[sarahlovs in reply to Alice_W123]

I've often considered deleting my Facebook but I use it a lot with family far and wide. I've just need to accept what others use it for! And move on 😊 xxx

[emmab178]

I was thinking about what i post. Generally holiday pics, drinking pics and then cat pics. Even though I take pictures of what the cat is doing I tend to whatsapp them to the husband, like heres a dead mouse he just brought in for you, type photos i don't feel the need to put them online unless they are really funny. I guess even my holiday photos can be taken as being insensitive and showing off of someone chooses to see it that way.

3400 photos is ridiculous. I think i only have 50 of the fur babies and i thought that was excessive. But then I don't Instagram because isn't that for people who take pictures of their food?

As a disclaimer I am pregnant at the moment through ivf. I know two of my friends had horrific miscarriages so i told them in person separately after the 6 week scan. One was absolutely fine and the other told me she was happy for me but did not want to look at scan pictures etc and stopped talking to me as it wad to painful. This often bright me to tears as there is nothing i can do for her but i just have her the space. She told me a week ago she's 5 weeks pregnant and started talking to me again.

I lived out of the UK for 7 years traveling and have friends across the world who i see whenever our paths cross but generally every ten years or so. I've got family in the states and Italy so social media is quite handy. I did put it on fb that i was pregnant even though the news had already spread but i don't feel the need to update my status on an hourly or daily basis. I hope this hasnt upset anyone as that's the last thing i wanted to do. I've only put up two scan pictures, one of the pregnancy announcement and one of a 4d scan because my daughter was flipping us the bird during the scan and since they are meant to be doing cute things I thought it was funny.

People can be in sensitive arseholes no matter what the subject is. My uncle died in the bath and wasnt found for days last month. Just before we were telling close family and friends we were at 12 weeks. A daughter of my mum's best mate who knew my uncle and how he died then fb messaged me all gushing over the pregnancy the day after we found him whilst we were starting to clear out his flat with no mention of his death.

Hide is a great option for the social media overloaders whether it be food, pet pictures, baby gushing, people with the perfect life or the political status updates. Ive been using it for ages. Hardly got anything in my feed!

[sarahlovs in reply to emmab178]

Thank you for such a response!

Firstly I'm so sorry to hear about your uncle, that's devastating. At such heightened emotional times its almost more respectful to be quiet until you've had time to adjust. It wasn't appropriate for her to gush so soon after that news. But secondly congratulations on the pregnancy, when one door closes another one always opens. It will be a very special little life after the loss of your uncle and also your ivf journey.

I've never thought about my own posts in such way. Now I'm reflecting on my wedding pictures, the picture of my house keys when we moved in, the pictures of my pooch. I'm not over the top in any way or form and definitely not close to 3400!

Now I've discovered the hide option I'll be using it to my advantage 😊 xxx

[emmab178 in reply to sarahlovs]

thanks. Its been about two months now but at the time they were all thinking it was suicide and they found out about my pregnancy as i broke and said he wouldn't have done it as he was excited about the pregnancy.

I think these that all these events you mentioned are nice to share and see. It just seems that smug mum's do love the old facebook posting as another outlet for the smugness!

I'm thinking everyone loves a fur baby picture

[Hidden]

I came off Facebook when we started going for our tests 18 months into ttc, and when I had 4 pregnancy announcements within a few weeks!

I don't think people shouldn't post for the fear of upsetting someone, which is why I protected myself by removing myself from the situation. However, I personally don't agree with parents putting hundreds of photos of their children on social media for safety reasons, so I've always found it annoying and wouldn't do it myself.

Thoughtless comments by good friends are hurtful but, as you say, it's ignorance.

I also try to keep in mind that whilst it is hard for us, it's also hard for them in different ways. Being pregnant and childbirth sounds like it can be horrific and whilst we long to know what it feels like it's not a walk in the park for some people. They're entitled to moan, just as I am.

Some days are harder than others but thats why I dont have facebook anymore. Ignorance is bliss! Xx

[sarahlovs in reply to Hidden]

I know what you mean. Infertility or conversely pregnancy and childbirth are subjective experiences that we all experience in our own way. It can be hard to put ourselves in someone else's shoes when our own situation is so overwhelming. I've never thought to try and empathise with them, when really if it was me who was pregnant and then a new mum I may well have responded in the same way. But then again she's not familiar with infertility so how can I expect her to see it through our eyes?! It's all relative to each person eh. Facebook is just the outlet some people chose to use 😊 xxx

[Hidden]

45 pics in a few weeks. That is over doing it, and showing off, in my opinion.

And you are not being unreasonable or jealous, over sharing is ignorant - I agree with you.

I am on the other side of things, as I did have successful IVF after about 10 years ttc, and my baby is nearly 2, and i have a total of 19 pics of my baby over a period of nearly 2 years - and half of those are whole family pics. I share most of my pics with my family and close friends on WhatsApp. FB is just too public even with max privacy settings.

I think scan pics are particularly personal, and something i would only ever show to family. Other people are simply not interested in the pic, it's medical. Even before I had probs TTC, scan pictures baffled me, they all look the same. It's personal and for close family, and should remain that way.

When my baby was born, I posted about a month after, just 1 pic without any sloshy words. There is nothing wring with sharing your joy in a kind and modest way, but over sharing, whether on FB or even WhatsApp - can get really boring for others. I had one friend who overshared, and it just became boring and eventually people stop replying.

Don't get me wrong, I adore my baby but showing off is just not cool.

Mandela had a saying 'Live life as though nobody is watching, and express yourself as though everyone is listening'. I think there is a lot to be said for that, particularly on social media. Wouldn't it be nice if we didnt have to unfollow people. Had she put just a few pics up, you wouldn't feel this way, I expect. I find it's often the way the posts are worded too. Some are funny and nice, some are just nauseatingly bragging.

Don't feel bad for how you feel, its totally normal and I still feel it. xx

[sarahlovs in reply to Hidden]

Today I decided to unfollow her, after a photograph captioned 'mine is the best Tuesday afternoon cuddling this little one'. It's a pretty standard status, but continued to sting after I thought about my afternoon at work battling some pretty horrendous lady pains and knowing that chances are it won't be for us again this month.

I feel sad to be unfollowing her. I can't say I have much to do with her anymore but she was once a close friend and I have felt genuine happiness for her marriage, pregnancy and arrival of the little one. But it's just too much for me now. I almost feel she is obsessed with Facebook updates, if that's even fair to say I don't know.

I know when the time comes I shall also be utilising WhatsApp, I love the thought of sharing news or photos with family at the same time. I too believe they are very much a personal thing and I think I'll be selective with who gets to see them!

I am feeling better with the great response I've had from everyone, it seems I'm definitely not alone and am ok to have a moan about it. Love this forum! 😍 xxx

[Hidden in reply to sarahlovs]

wise decision. I always think that people that update FB that frequently have something lacking. It's great to participate a bit and share with family friends, especially if they are overseas. But if it's too much, it just makes me wonder about the poster. Are they just big headed, all about me me me, or desperate for attention / insecure in need of constant feedback, or bored in the real, as opposed to virtual world of FB. One of my old friends was all three of those, but she was like that in real life too, lol. Everyone used to wonder why i was friends with her, but she was a neighbour and just ended up in my life. A few others used to post a lot, and make themselves sound so lovely - when in real life, they weren't - i worked with them and knew what they were really like. Not saying all users of FB are numpties, I use it, and I'm only a bit of a numptie (I hope).. Most of my really lovely friends either don't post or just post every now and then, or post funny stuff, which i like... I have had to unfollow as few since starting this journey too. I have every hope that you will get to be a mummy too. xx