Ignored by in-laws because we don't have kids πŸ˜”

Hubby & I have been trying to conceive for 4 years. We are currently having IUI treatment. We told my in-laws last year as with all the emotions thought we needed some extra support. They were great for about 2 months. Since then they never ask how we are or how treatment is going etc at family gatherings we literally get ignored while they play with the grandchildren. I thought maybe we were being over sensitive. We had a house warming party on Saturday & again all they did was play with the grandchildren. They didn't even look around our house. Other guests noticed that they didn't interact with anyone & commented that it was rude. I feel that if we never have children we'll never be involved in the family. I want to say something to them but don't want to row or don't need any stress. Any advice? x

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  • I feel like my dad is like this to me but then I think it's slightly different as he only bothers with his youngest daughter and her son, but not with my oldest and she has 5 and they was all here before youngest son,

    Say my Inlaws know as they funded my first cycle but they never really asked lots of questions as I didn't like to talk to much about it and they still don't now, they are very supportive and help out of when I choose to talk about it,

    It's a hard topic because it's so close to the heart.

    And it's not the other grandchildrens fault so they interact with them just like they would with yours when you have them, I'd speak to them and let them know how you feel as they may be keeping quite as they don't want to upset you, xx

  • My brother in laws wife has given the family 2 grandchildren and I haven't given any and we don't get on. They don't even come to my house because there's no children here so they stay away from us. My mil has a very good relationship with her other dil but not with me. She doesn't know why I can't children and I haven't told her either.

    Deep down they know I can't conceive so they are unhappy about that.

  • Just say you feel that you get ignored when other relatives are around who have children . Xx

  • Parents & in laws can be a bit insensitive with this one.the day after my first IVF failed (no eggs at collection!) my mother in law asked me to help her choose a Wendy house for their first grandchild (my oh's brothers kid).if I hadn't miscarried previously, we would have given them their 1st grandchild so it's difficult enough at the best of times!!

    I really feel for you.i think if u can bring yourself to say something u should but obviously be prepared that their response might not be what u hoped. I confronted some friends recently about their lack of support & was very disappointed in their response.i have chosen to distance myself for the time being xxx

  • Thank you for replying. It is so hard. I think I'm just going to concentrate on my next IUI at the moment then say something afterwards. Because fertility issues aren't really spoken about I don't think anyone understands how hard it is unless you've been through it. X

  • I think that's a good plan-any confrontation may give u unnecessary stress that u do not need at this moment!xxx

  • Thank you for everyone that replied. I'm glad I found this site. Reading other people's experiences has helped me with this emotional rollercoaster. I think we will speak to the in laws after our iui. It's just a case of wording it right.

  • I would ignore it as you don't need the extra stress as upsetting as it is. Maybe they feel awkward...No excuse though. For the first time in 6 years we didn't get invited to my partner's goddaughter's birthday party - numbers were limited so we were omitted as we didn't have kids despite how close we are to her. Bit harsh I thought as they know what we are going through at the moment. Good luck with your IUI- we've been trying for just over 2 years and start IUI next month.

  • Thank you. Good luck with your IUI. The only advice I can offer you is stay positive & expect to be very flexible & try to look at it one step at a time. This is our 3rd iui but has taken nearly a year due to over response, under response & cysts. I feel like I live at the hospital sometimes with all the scans & blood tests but fingers crossed it'll all be worth it in the end x

  • Hey. Thank you so much for the advice. We have our consultation on 18th April and I am feeling apprehensive about how it's going to work logistically, particularly as I've not told work what we're going through! I will take your advice on board though and will try to stay positive! X

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