So angry and upset

So yesterday we went to clinic as we wanted to discuss taking DHEA and wanted to ask what my chances or ivf actually working was as last time consultant declared I didn't have very good egg quality but didn't really go into depth about it .

Again he just totally skirted around the question when asked about egg quality but said he didn't have a problem with me taking DHEA.

What really upset me was we have decided to take a year off ivf from our last cycle our last on was January and we want to wait till January coming to start out next cycle mostly because I have put an outrageous amount of weight on I'm way over bmi 30 and secondly because my head isn't on a good place with ivf at the moment .... I know time is a factor with egg quality I'm 37 just turned but the consultant went way over the top trying to bully us into starting earlier and to top it off the nurce came in and started to put even more pressure on us saying you should be getting started as soon as possibl and it's no good relaying on DHEA to improve egg quality ( which is it what we are doing) .......

In my mind because they are so big on weight surely it's better to wait and be as healthy as possible and in my mind give my body best chance possible rather than blundering on as unhealthy as I have ever been or am I just been stupid ??

I was feeling quiet possitive for once about this appointment and I feel like they have destroyed my sole i was so upset I went home and drank 3 glasses of wine and sat crying in the pub

[bluewanderlust]

Hey, first of all what you doin up at this hour?? Me too xx Now listen young lady (because you are still young) I am 44 have just used my own eggs first IVF cycle and got a BFP on 8dp5dt xx I was told I had a 5% chance at best of getting pregnant with my own eggs, I took DHEA 75mg a day for about 2 months before. I had 10 eggs, 8 mature but only one fertilized. I dont know if this was because eggs were abnormal, it doesn't happen very often but happened to me. How does the clinic actually know you have poor egg quality? I also took ubiquinol too, ate organic etc xxxx Don't let anyone push you into rushing, if they are not respectful towards you think about changing clinic?xxx We are all here for you xx

[Hidden in reply to bluewanderlust]

Im afraid i was waiting to go into work at that ungodly hour that's why it took me so long to reply.

Many congratulations on your bfp 😊 lovely to hear a positive outcome .

I've had 2 rounds of ivf got about 8 eggs each time but had 3 day transfers as there was only 2 viable to transfer, I guess that's why he says they aren't great quality but to me he should be putting numbers to his words .

He said if I decided to try dhea to take it for 3 months so now in my mind the reality is I'm only delaying by 3 months later than they wanted me to .... this makes me feel better 😊.

It just hurts that me and my husband had decided January and now he's keen to bring it forward because they have scared him into it not working... but he will respect my wishes.

We changed clinics after 1st round as our 1st clinic closed don't really want to change again as not keen on the other hospital the one we went to was better, but if this round doesn't work and go private I certainly won't be using our current hospital.

Thank you so much for your reply it mean a lot xx

[Hidden]

Always do what's best for you! That's really the only advice I have you have to be feeling right about things xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, I think I'm going to stick my heels in on this one and just continue as I planned, and at the end tell the clinic what I think of them 😊 no matter what the result xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I've given my clinic a rollocking this week after they rang me to tell me "all was ok keep doing the nasal spray" to which I told them funny cause I'm waiting for results of a blood test for hormones levels and a yes or no on doing an injection!!

They had no clue what they were calling me for!! It's pathetic they seem to never quite know who I am or what my story is and so I got the director on the phone and told her exactly what they were doing wrong!!

You have to have your own corner cause nobody else will Hun !!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You do right, that's awful. I know clinics deal with a lot of people which is no excuse as they should realise how difficult and more stressful it is for us when they get it wrong, I hope you got a good result off them after your rollocking.

Good luck with your cycle and hope you get your BFP xx

[sanchia46]

Sorry to hear of your troubles. However in my opinion given your age you shouldn't wait until next year. It's good to get the weight down and still work on that, but you need to get back onto it this year if you can.

[Rosalietea]

I'm afraid I don't have much advice about DHEA or egg quality but I think there is a lot to be said for feeling in control and doing what makes you happy. If you go into treatment feeling unsure and negative it won't help the outcome. Maybe there is a compromise that you could be happy with?

[Hidden in reply to Rosalietea]

Thank you for your reply .

I think they have upset me that much this time, that if there was a compromise of maybe loosing a bit of weight and just going for it they have blown it because I have lost any faith I had in them 😔.

I am going for the dhea and they said id have to take it for 3 months so in my head now I'm thinking well I'm only delaying treatment by 3 months after they wanted me to start.

Does that make sense xx

[Rosalietea in reply to Hidden]

Oh dear. Yes I understand the losing faith in them. I felt that going into my last cycle because of the poor communication and organization of my clinic!

I see what you mean about the delay. You do what feels right for you xx

[Hidden in reply to Rosalietea]

Thank you, I hope you 7 week scan goes well x

[lorraineb61]

I would start on the DHEA, I think it takes about 3 months to kick in properly. I asked about DHEA at our last appointment & we were told that we didn't need it as my AMH levels were over the threshold that all the studies had been done for. We were recommended, however, Inofolic which is mainly for women with PCOS but can help if you're overweight (which I am). Again it's 3 months that you need to take it for. There are no side effects with that though, we'll see if it works!!

As for starting the next cycle, if your head isn't in it then it's going to be useless doing it before you're ready. However, you know that age is always a factor. Is it worthwhile speaking to a counsellor? They may be able to give you some coping techniques & get you to the place where you are ready to start again? Good luck with whatever you decide though x

[Hidden in reply to lorraineb61]

Yeah they've told me to take dhea for 3 months if that's what I decide to do which I think I have decided to go down this route.

You know I said to my husband for all I said to them my head isn't in the right place numerous times they didn't once offer councling to us that might of helped me been able to bring it closer, I might email them tonight and see what they say as I know it's availbe.

Good luck with your next cycle I hope your Inofolic works and you get your BFP xx

[Hidden]

It's your journey and therefore you should do it at a pace that your happy with and if that means starting again in a year then that's your choice. Ivf is hard enough without any added pressure xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you button, your message means a lot to me, you right and I'm going to dig my heels in and just chill out and enjoy life till January.

Xx

[Blondyboo]

this is just my opinion based on my experiences... firstly don't beet yourself up of the weight thing you know you just need to get in the zone. (I've struggled with weight for years)

My first IVF I was 37 and low AMH but because I had investigations (that were a waste of time but that's another storey) that took over a year. my only go NHS with my eggs we had only 2 follicles during stimming and at egg collection only got 1 egg and that 1 egg didn't even fertilise. Our argument is if I had the IVF 18 months earlier it could have been a different outcome. We have now moved onto donor eggs as my egg quality I just couldn't go for the 5% chance it working and a 95% chance it not working. I just want to be a Mum but wish I had the IVF earlier to give me more chance with my own eggs. God knows what my AMH is now 3 years later but I am showing menopause symptoms so Im guessing not good!

If I was you I would get on it asap to give your eggs the best quality chance possible. as soon as your BMI is 30 i'd be on it x

[Hidden in reply to Blondyboo]

Thank you they have told me my amh is fine or they did when I started this journey with them.

In think my bmi is about 34 at the moment I need to get about 3 stone off so to be honest it would take me till January to get to 30 bmi .... I think I've comfert eaten 🙈 but I've also battled constantly with my weight.

I'm sorry to hear your clinic messed you about so much .... I did say to my husband if there waiting list was till January they would care less it would just be my tough luck.

I hope you have a successful donor egg cycle and you get your much longed for BFP xx

[Cinderella5]

Oh what a hell of a day you had! Im so sorry that you've had such a poor experience at your consultation. When I got told that I didnt have very good eggs, I asked loads of questions as to how they know that and they actually dont have a test for it. Its only an educated guess and due to me being older they just kept referring to my age....which is a smack in the face in itself because I already know Im old, I dont need reminders thank you! Lol My rounds have all gotten better each time which bucks the trend of my age & egg quality problem but still no positive tests unfortunately which I guess is telling of sorts.

I understand why they were trying to convince you to go again sooner than later but in all honesty I think you have to be ready to make that call yourself. This is a massively torturous journey (mentally and physically) so you need to be in the best place you can be and whether that be losing weight, getting on the DHEA, having a holiday etc....whatever helps you guys to feel some "normality" and have recovery time. You'll know when you are ready and dont let anyone push you into anything. They say that DHEA takes around 3 months to take effect so I think you are being pushed into it earlier than you wanted then at the very least you should give it this time to ensure you've no regrets. Sending you massive hugs xx

[Hidden in reply to Cinderella5]

Thank you for you lovely message you made me smile about them referring to your age all the time Lol.

I've just said to my mam from my first cycle to my last cycle my eggs haven't got worse cause both times I only ended up with 2 so I can't see the degrading that much more up till January.

Maybe some of these consultant/ nurces should be put through ivf cycle so they can see how bad it is and have a better understanding of it all 🤣.

I think I will dig my heels in and stick to my guns about January.

Healthy body and positive attitude and go in fighting xx

[Cinderella5 in reply to Hidden]

Ha ha ha I know what you mean, I dont think they have any idea but I guess nobody does until you've had to do treatment yourself and my nurses are all pretty sympathetic I have to say. I think you're doing the right thing, get cracking on the DHEA and go in with that fighting attitude, its definitely required!xx

[Lilli79]

Hi Hidden I'm sorry to hear about this. Have you tried asking for a different consultant? Originally we were referred from one clinic where the consultant had actually said we were to have icsi straight away. Then when we got to the next clinic the consultant we saw told us we had to have loads of unnecessary procedures and that were to have 3 IUI first and then ICSI. I was so upset I started to cry and explained about my age etc. She had no compassion at all and basically said we have one chance with ICSI and inferred that we couldn't afford another round!!! How rude! We had to go back a few weeks later and thankfully that consultant was on holiday and we got to see another one. She was amazing and said there was no point messing about with IUI and said it was OUR decision what we wanted to do. So might be worth a try? It was our thought that older, more experienced doctors are better at reading individual situations (but then this is only our first cycle). Hope you can sort it out, the appointments and messing about by consultants have been the only thing that has stressed us out so far on this cycle xx

[Hidden]

Thank you for your message, he is the head consultant we seen so im not sure where u go from there, hes also the one that deal with complaints 🤣.... i totally understand they have to point out that wasting time could harm egg quality but to put so much pressure on and then to send the nurce in to and for her to try and bully us into going earlier was ridiculous.

I think some of these consultants/ nurces could learn by going through our journeys it might sort some of there attitudes out a bit 😊.

When I asked about weather he thought acupunture had benefits he did say well yes I think it helps some people deal with journey but promptly said but you don't get that on nhs ..... I was a bit taken aback with that statement I did say I know I had it last time ... makes you wonder what some of them think of us lol.

Good luck with your cycle I hope you get a BFP xx

[Lilli79 in reply to Hidden]

I know right? I think some of them think we're just stingy and don't want to pay anything but we actually went private first & the consultant told us to go NHS first as no point in giving up the free chance. Forgot to say also that I delayed this cycle by a month to lose a bit more weight and when I asked nurses if OK they said you could delay it for a few months as they want you to have the best possible chance to get healthy, so thats worth bearing in mind (although I would check with your own clinic if this is OK). Hope it all works out for you xxx