Feeling guilty..

[E_05]

So last night my brother rang me to say my sister in law was going mental saying their newborn needed to go a&e. I went round and he was fine, she was clearly sleep deprived and couldn't cope I think she has postnatal depression.

Anyway I was left to bath and put to bed their 4 year old and look after the newborn while my brother got my sister law to get some much needed sleep. While I was changing and feeding the baby I couldn't help feeling how unfair it was, I'm desperate for a baby and I know if she does have post natal it's not her fault but she had no interest in either children last night.

My brother then went on to tell me their marriage is broken and she came off the pill without telling him thinking a baby would fix it. Me and my husband have a loving marriage and want a baby more than anything. The whole situation is a mess and now I feel guilty for having them thoughts.. 😟

Ps. Sorry it's more family related posts just don't know where else to turn with it all.

[kelsbels88]

I'm sorry your feeling so down...

I'm sure others would agree you can turn to here any day you need to.

For some reason it always seems to be worse when it's family. They are the closest to us and yet they understand the least.

I think those thoughts are probably completely normal. I know I had them a little while ago with my SIL when she got pregnant with my niece. She was in a marriage that wasn't working and they were nowhere near as steady as my husband and I (we weren't married then or even trying but have been together for 10yrs plus and had outlet own house etc) but I had thoughts of how unfair it felt as it seemed we were so much more set up for that to happen than they seemed.

Now I wouldn't change the situation, I have my niece out of it but at the time I think I cried for an hour when I found out.

Sadly it can be so unfair but we just have to keep hoping and keep going. We will get our positives eventually. Xxx

[E_05 in reply to kelsbels88]

Thank you, I'm the same i love both my nephews to pieces it's just the situation as whole makes me realise how unfair life can be x

[Georgina78]

Oh Hun I really feel for you, that's a tough night for you to endure. It really makes me crazy when I hear that people think a baby will solve all their problems, isn't it obvious that if things aren't good a new baby is only going to add to the pressure 😡

You're clearly an excellent sister and auntie, but I totally understand your pain and don't think you should feel guilty. It's really not fair and they could be more sensitive to you. I would say be careful not to get too drawn to their problems, you need to look after yourself right now, although you are clearly a caring and giving person and will be tempted to keep helping.

My SIL and partner sent a super jolly/excited text the other day announcing the sex of their baby after the 20w scan and saying all looked 'absolutely perfect' and I felt terrible because my first thought was sadness that it wasn't us getting to send such a text, followed by annoyance that they didn't ask how we are (we haven't seen them for weeks after our chemical pregnancy) or seemed to have considered that such an excitable text might be a tad insensitive to send to us 😒 even those closest don't get it or stop to think do they..

Never worry about venting on here, it's what we're here for. Big hugs lovely, we get it xxx

[kelsbels88 in reply to Georgina78]

Well said and know how u feel xx 😘

[E_05 in reply to Georgina78]

Thank you so much, I think your right I definitely need to try and keep some distance. Sorry your having a tough time of it to, last night my SIL was telling me how she's failing cause she couldn't protect her son from having a traumatic birth so trying to get her out of self pity I actually said to her well that must make me a failure for not protecting my baby from dying (I miscarried last year) which actually shook her into some sort of reality. It really it tough when it's family xx

[Georgina78 in reply to E_05]

It definitely is, much harder than just with friends as you can't escape it and can't avoid other family members joy/opinions/comments xx

[louisear]

Don't feel guilty. Oregan is right. It's so unfair and sadly that's the way of the world. Only this week my friend told me her 21 year old daughter is pregnant. To be fair she's been with the boyfriend a while but it was unplanned and they've nowhere to live. So she's going to be a grandma at 42 and I'm not even a mother at 41. I try not to think about things. It's just too upsetting. Stay positive your time will come xx

[E_05 in reply to louisear]

Thank you, so will yours! That must be really hard for you. It always seems to come so easy for people that are never trying xx

[7AVA]

What an amazing sister and auntie you are. I hope your love and kindness are rewarded with a child of your own xxx

[E_05 in reply to 7AVA]

Ah thank you, that's so lovely x

[Rosalietea]

You are an incredibly strong and brave lady! Well done for being there for your brother and his family despite it being so terribly painful for you. Your feelings are completely understandable and you shouldn't blame yourself for feeling that way. You need to do what you can cope with but if you find it too hard, listen to that and get some distance.

I was very close to my sisters children as babies before I even realized I would start this infertility journey but I've been TTC for 3.5years in which time my brother has got engaged, married and now has a 1 year old! I love him and his family but I have to accept that I will never be as close as I was with my other nephews because I can't bear the pain. Sometimes it's easier than others but especially between cycles I find it almost unbearably hard.

You are not alone xxx

[E_05 in reply to Rosalietea]

Thank you so much, as always you lovely ladies have helped me feel better about it all.

That is so true, my other brother has a nearly 7 year old who I'm really close to but with my nephews I always feel like my guards slightly up..re assuring to know I'm not alone xx