Sorry ladies this isn't directly about IVF, my sister in law had her baby last night and I now have another gorgeous healthy nephew!
Of course I want to meet him but they want me to go to the maternity ward tonight rather than waiting till he's home..
I feel torn as I want to go and meet him and don't want to get in yet another baby related argument with them but I'm not sure I'm strong enough to walk into the maternity ward surrounded by parents and babies like I was 4 years ago when they had my first nephew.
Any suggestions on what you'd do? Thanks in advance xx
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E_05
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Aw Hun I understand your predicament Hun, I think I'll feel the same when my niece or nephew arrives. Could you feign illness and say you'll meet him in a day or 2 when you're over it..something you wouldn't want to pass on in a hospital? Unless you don't want to lie but sometimes you gotta do what you need to do to protect yourself 😕 I hope it goes ok whatever you decide xx
Just wanted to say im so sorry that you have to go through this decision..... i know that you will feel some sadness either way... guilt if you dont go... and anxiety on the ward being surrounded by babies if you do...it really breaks my heart that people have to go through this pain..... my only advice is whatever you do don't feel guilty about it..... if you find the strength to go ..... great. If not you can see your nephew at home and have many years ahead where you can see him and spoil him...
Hi, I think your number one priority should be you, your well being and taking care of your feelings, we all experience pangs of pain triggered by a multitude things which as beautiful and natural as they are but can take you to the self reflection sad place....do what your heart says and care of you X
Do whatever you need to do to protect you. Don't care about what others are going to think. Your feelings come first. I'm crying just thinking about how I'd feel if I was in this position. I couldn't do it. Do what you feel is right for yourself. Others will have to understand xx
Hi. I've just reread your other posts. You sil hasn't been kind to you and has put herself first it seems several times before. I would say "as you now know how soul destroying ttc can be (her 5 month wait), I'm sure you can appreciate that it would be incredibly hard to come on to a maternity ward. Let me know as soon as you're home and I'll pop round to see you both then." She told you herself how awful it is and how she understands so put her to the test. If you don't want to go, don't go. Anyone who judges you for it has little empathy. You have a medical condition that should be respected within your family. Sending you a big hug. Stay strong with your decision; you are worth more than succumbing to the whims of a selfish individual who has shown cruel behaviour to you in the past. xxx
Thank you all for your lovely replies. It always makes me feel re assured that what I'm feeling is 'normal' (whatever that is lol). I think I'm definitely going to have to put myself first for a change xx
I know exactly how you feel. My sil has 3 kids and I struggled big time to be happy for her and go see them. What made it worse was her plastering everything all over Facebook about how happy they were and about 10 pics a day of the kids. She knew how hard we were trying and was so selfish and no consideration for how we were feeling. I'm delighted to say we now have a baby boy but I'm raging as he is 4 months old now and she has made no effort to come and see him after me forcing myself to make the effort with her. Sorry, what I'm trying to say put yourself 1st - don't force yourself if you don't feel up to it as I bet she would not do the same for you had the rolls been reversed. What you are feeling is completely normal but only people who have went through the same thing will understand.
Thank you for your lovely message. Congratulations on your little boy, how sad that they don't make any effort! I think that's what hit me this morning it being plastered all on Facebook - although she often sends me pics of my nephew who's 4 and when she got the pram sent me a photo of the box with him in it saying 'I didn't realise 4 year old came with prams' 😤 I think I'm going to just say Il visit once their home.
Yeah. Just say you think you are getting the cold and don't want to pass it on to a wee new baby. Do they know your circumstances?? We didn't tell anyone at first but even when we did it didn't change they way my sil acted. Some people are just so insensitive and are don't realise others are just plain selfish and don't care. You need to be selfish for once and look after yourself and don't worry about what they think. Do what is right for you. Xx
She's exactly the same nothing's different from before they knew.. I miscarried after my fresh cycle & we then felt family needed to know what we were going through. They announced their pregnancy the day after they were told my 2nd FET was unsuccessful. Thank you for all your advice, I hope things get better for you with your sil xx
Gosh! That's awful @announcing their news straight after. If they show such lack of judgement then I don't think you need to go overboard with your response.
Similarly you don't want to come across as bitter- maybe you could send some flowers or something to the ward or when they get home to the house and then visit in a few days time?
They may just want to get visitors out of the way so they can relax at home (some Of my friends /relatives have done so)
You shouldn't have to feel like you need to justify where and when you'll visit. We get that they are super excited but surely they could imagine that walking onto a room full of babies and families would be too much for those of us who are struggling to conceive. I'd visit once they are home and unless there were complications surely they'll be home today? Plus visiting at home means you can spend more time with them not in a busy maternity ward (if you feel you have to give an explanation).
I know so true, thank you..Yeah there were complications so she had an emergency c section. They asked me to today if I could go to the hospital this afternoon to look after the baby while she slept!! So I told them I won't be going until their home.
I know i would find it very hard visiting a maternity ward and I would probably say that 'I can't wait to meet the new baby as soon as they are home I'll be straight there' your sister sounds very understanding so do what you feel most comfortable with xxx
I agree that you should only think of yourself. I would find a mat ward visit too difficult at the moment & think saying you have a cold is the best plan. My sister has just announced her pregnancy to the world too. I find people (I have only told a few) say they are sympathetic but have no idea how it really feels & even forget sometimes when we meet up which really says it all. They always just say : it will happen eventually. I have though found problems are more common than I thought, people just tend to keep it private. Good luck with whatever you decide xxx
Thank you, that's so true or the old famous 'just relax and when you stop trying it'll happen'. I don't think people realise the impact pregnancy announcements can have. Hope things get a bit easier for you during your sisters pregnancy x
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