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Fertility Network UK
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Feeling Blue

Just to let people know me and my partner have been trying for a baby for the last 3 years . In this time it felt like all my friends and family members were having babies. I am 38 years old and had a laparoscopy last year when they removed some adhesions off my right tube. Anyway I got pregnant naturally a month after that ,then miscarried at 7 weeks :( !!

Since then ive had no luck getting pregnant (nearly a year later ), ive been referred for IVF and last week I had my first appointment for bloods and had a scan .

Since then my much younger sister in law , had baby number 2 just the other day , and I cant bring myself to be happy for her. (particularly as she must have been pregnant the same time as me before I miscarried.) I have seen people posting pictures all over the social media of my new nephew and its tearing me apart . To the point I have deleted my facebook account.

I feel bad as a person as I should be happy and welcoming my new baby nephew into the world and I just cant bring myself to be happy for her at the moment . She also can be very unsensitive.l I feel terrible that I am like this and want to keep positive but finding it all a bit hard .

I try to keep thinking I will have my first consultation in a couple of months or so to discuss treatment so need to start being a more , positive or better person .

All my friends have had babies and my business partner has 3 who is over weight and really unhealthy and it all just seems so unfair.

Sorry I am ranting but wondered if anyone else has been feeling like this too .

I was feeling really positive until this has all happened and I am hoping I will get past this

Thanks for letting me rant people and good luck to you all. xxx

10 Replies

Sorry for your loss hun its such a hard time for any women not been able to fall pregnant, i found out in 2010 my tubes are blocked and had to go through a few different things but nothing worked long story short ive had to failed attempts of ivf its been so heart breaking and you definitely not only one feels this way hun and dont ever think your being selfish towards anyone as i feel your pain as i get teary when even look at baby clothes never mind wot am liks when see anyone pregnant my sister has two boys my best friend haswe boy and due again in sSeptember my big cus just had baby boy and my baby cuz is due too i cant b round any them as even tho there so happy it kills me as its baby this and baby that people keep telling us it will get easier but they dont have a clue am happy ive got this and people get me so you rant as much as you like thats wot its for hun i wish you all luck in the world you get to have your wee miracle ☺xxxxxxx


Thanks so much and I hope your dreams also come true ...... Saying prayers for all the women on here . I appreciate you taking the time to reply and a rant def helps xxx


Hi leah345, sorry about the miscarriage & what you are going through. And you're not alone in how you feel. Reading some of this brings me back to when my sister-in-law was pregnant, just as we were having tests for infertility. The anger, heartbreak, all sorts of emotions were too much at times. I started writing it down, saw a counsellor, who told me my reactions were expected and I wasn't alone. Then I found this forum, which has been a huge help, mostly because everyone understands. My husband didn't really understand why I was so bothered by his sister but we all cope differently.

I agree, live is unfair at times, some people do drugs, drink too much etc but end up pregnant at the drop of a hat. I don't quite feel so angry about it all now, but it has taken time. My counsellor told me that it is a grief reaction, even without the miscarriage, it can be grief for what you haven't got. And it goes on because when you're going through IVF there's no closure.

You need to give yourself time, and do nice things and make sure you and your partner make time for yourselves. This is a stressful time you are going through but you are definitely not alone. and use this forum, as you have done, to say how you feel. Just writing it down can help sometimes.

Wishing you the best of luck x

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Thank you So much for taking the time to reply . It's so nice to have people to talk to who understand ! I may look into counselling if I continue feeling blue .

All the replies have been so lovely and I agree I will try and have some time with the hubby before we start with the IVF . I think I have a consultation in approx 6 weeks to discuss treatment ! Good luck to you all too xxx


Hi leah345, so sorry to hear about your miscarriage, how heartbreaking. You are definitely not a bad person for feeling like this, I think you have to be selfish in this situation and look after yourself and do whatever makes you feel better about it all. My sister in law announced she was pregnant also while we were having tests/medication etc and I couldn't even say congrats, I felt angry. But then she is a twonk sometimes and text me on Mother's Day to say she was thinking about me!!! 😡😡 plan nice days out, a little weekend break, anything that is fun. We got a puppy just after Xmas and she has filled that hole while we go through this - good practice too 😊 good luck with everything, good things come to those who wait and it will be very special when it does xxx

1 like

Hi Leah, just really echoing what everyone else has said- I have felt everything you have so please don't feel like you're the only one. This forum is so good for saying exactly how you feel and knowing we all completely understand! Good luck with your first cycle- your time will come xxx


Hello! Just to let you know that you are not a bad person for feeling the way you do. I fell the same. I was left feeling bereft earlier this year following a failed IVF. Other people's happy situations only remind me of my inability to conceive and (as such) my failure as a woman... we have now decided to have three more attempts at IVF. It's breaking us down gradually, not just emotionally, but financially and all this extra pressure is certainly not helping my 'trying to relax' attitude. I don't feel supported by anyone - to boot - and so am having to crack on with it in silence. All I want to do is to find others like me... people I can relate to. It's a long and tough road. But remember, there are lots of us out there. I wish you the very best. Good luck!


I can understand what you are going through as well. I had 2 miscarriages and had a real issue with my sister in law in particular. I felt that she was showing off that she could have babies and I could not. In actual fact I couldn't have been more wrong. Now time has past and my circumstances have changed I can see that she wasn't showing at all. She was desperate for me to have a baby too and found it all very upsetting that I pushed her away and avoided her. She had done nothing wrong as was being punished by me. When I eventually got pregnant she couldn't have been more delighted and my baby was even more special to everyone as he was so wanted by everyone. Now after another miscarriage I am pregnant again, 11 weeks with the help of fertility treatment. My other sister in law is currently receiving IVF. She has completely changed in her behaviour towards me. She avoids me, never wants to be alone with me and has asked family members to keep the fact that she is having fertility treatment a secret from me. I understand the resentment she feels towards me, but I wish she would know that I want nothing more for her than for her to get the baby she so desires. It is hurtful to be treated in this way although I am extremely sensitive to the way she is feeling. I hope one day we will be able to build a relationship again. When we are going through such stressful and emotional times, we need our families the most. Anyway, that's a long post, just thought it might be useFul to hear from the other side.


Hi Leah, so sorry that you are going through this, I am very similar and for the last 3 x years I thought I was in my own and felt like life is unfair.

Anyway just to say I am thinking of you and wishing you lots of luck xx


It's really hard to hear about other people getting pregnant when you can't or have been through a miscarriage. My newphew was born just after my second miscarriage and I dreaded meeting him as I was really worried I'd get upset, I didn't get upset when I met him but I did make sure that we were the only visitors going on that day. The miscarriage wasn't acknowledged by that part of the family so in a way it made it harder. They weren't showing off their baby and we're just being happy parents. He's a lovely toddler and I enjoy spending time with him, hopefully in time you'll feel better about the situation. I think a lot of people don't know what to say or how to act, I know I'm really sensitive about seeing babies and hearing pregnancy news but I try to offer congratulations and look happy for them, even though inside I might feel a mixture of emotions.

Don't be too hard on yourself for feeling upset at this current time.


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